2.5 years and haven't talked about marriage

[tattoobunnie]

Gosh, I even tell my hubby when my poop looks crazy.

 

You are not being aggressive or needy or pushy by asking, "what are your thoughts on marriage, and is it something you picture us doing in the near future?" Having a conversation on anything is a good thing.

 

How to make it easy, ask him like he was your best friend. They don't judge, and love anything that comes out of your mouth. Don't be afraid. Whether he says yes or no, nothing is the end of the world. If he says, "yes," great. If he says, "no", there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

 

I have also found that some people make you feel so comfortable to talk to them about anything. And some others, not so much. But you won't find out, until you speak up.

[Heather Dawn]

2.5 years in, how can you never have had even a passing conversation about marriage? I mean, even if you were both firmly against it, the subject would've had to come up.

[batse]

We did talk about how we haven't really communicated much about long term plans. I told him that because we don't talk about this, I feel very uncertain about our future. He reassured me that I have nothing to worry about and said he would work on being more communicative.

 

I do want to get married someday, but I still just am not ready to put that out there just yet. I think even raising that puts some degree of pressure on him. I want to marry him someday, but I want him to ask me because he wants to, not because I goaded him into doing it with ultimatums. I realize there's a wide spectrum between "do you want to get married someday" and "we need to get married by x date or else", but I think in some ways bringing it up might change things between us. That's probably not true at all (just my anxiety talking).

 

Part of this is my own lack of self confidence.

[Heather Dawn]

But he may never ask you if you don't make it known that you want to get married, eventually. He may indeed see a future with you, but that could mean an unmarried one.

[silver]

But he may never ask you if you don't make it known that you want to get married, eventually. He may indeed see a future with you, but that could mean an unmarried one.

 

This is true. My friend's wife was leaving magazines open on the table open to the page with a big wedding ring in addition to telling him she wanted to get married.

 

That is but one example to illustrate that many men are totally aloof when it comes to marriage. If things are humming along then everything's good as far as he's concerned.

 

I really don't see what the big deal is here beyond the OP's own anxiety and insecurity. If she wants a committed relationship to progress to marriage after 2.5 years then I think she just needs to communicate that. She is not proposing to him, just that it is her expectation that this goes somewhere.

 

For all she knows he'd be totally fine with that it just wasn't on his radar. Guys are indifferent to this stuff. And if he isn't interested then at least she knows sooner rather than later.

[IAmFCA]

This is true. My friend's wife was leaving magazines open on the table open to the page with a big wedding ring in addition to telling him she wanted to get married.

 

That is but one example to illustrate that many men are totally aloof when it comes to marriage. If things are humming along then everything's good as far as he's concerned.

 

I really don't see what the big deal is here beyond the OP's own anxiety and insecurity. If she wants a committed relationship to progress to marriage after 2.5 years then I think she just needs to communicate that. She is not proposing to him, just that it is her expectation that this goes somewhere.

 

For all she knows he'd be totally fine with that it just wasn't on his radar. Guys are indifferent to this stuff. And if he isn't interested then at least she knows sooner rather than later.

 

This nails it and reveals the issue.

 

OP, when you raise the topic, you want also to be prepared for any sort of conversation. To do that, I suggest two homework assignments as follows below.

 

1. Let go of the idea of marriage to your bf. You have become attached to an idea that is beyond your control.

 

2. Reconsider your commitment to your bf.

 

Attachment and commitment are different.