high masturbate drive and low sex drive

[slimgym]

i've been dating this guy for 3 years, and we used to have amazingly awesome sex 1 year ago. But recently our sex has been pretty boring. We have sex once or twice a week, but when we have sex, he can perfome only one sex. Even if i ask him more, he simply says "i know you can do it all night, but i can't do it anymore, i can't go." I understand if he really can't do it. But the problem is he masturbates every single day. I know because he says and he actually does it. The other day, it was on sunday morning, he woke up early, he went to the computer and masturbated. i caught him musturbating, but i didn't do anything. 2 days ago, he woke up and viewed some porn and came back to bed, cuddled me, but didn't have sex. if he has the energy to musturbate every day, i think he can do better. i'm not saying he should stop musturbating, but i want him to please me more. i asked him why he musturbates everyday, not has sex with me as ofthen as he musturbate, he said musturbation is completely different than sex, and he loves doing it. i really think he loves musturbating more than having sex. I've asked him to have sex with me more, then he had sex with me like three or four times a week, but one sex a night, but after a while he said sex became like his job and it got boring. Since then he has sex with me twice or once a week. he seems like he's under pressure that he has to make me come when we have sex, as he always without failing ask me if i come. that's why he can't enjoy sex, i assume. but i want to have good sex as we used to. what am i supposed to do? I asked him about more sex, and he said he couldn't, even if he started having sex more for me, i know he can't enjoy. he would do it simply because i asked him for it, and it will get boring for him again. do i have to simply be calm about it, and let him do whatever? or leave him for someone who has high sex drive? do any guys out there feel the same way? i mean, does anyone prefers musturbating than having sex? i'm confused, and don't know what to do.

[slimgym]

he also musturbates when i am taking shower, or doing dishes. why does he do that when i am in his house? any comment?

[youknowwho]

Hey, girl,

 

I had exactly the same problem before. Actually my problem was worse. My ex musturbated everyday, and rufused to have sex with me at night simply because he's tired. He said sex gets boring if we have too much sex as well. One time he said "we have many good sex," when we rarely have sex and the sex we had was ok-ish. Note that I said my EX. I could barely stand the situation, but after I posted my problem here, people tpld me I should deserve better. I think if he can musturbate, he can definitely have sex. Your man and my ex are porn addict, why do we have to tolerate a sexless relationship when we are perfectly fine and want to have sex? You guys can still talk about this issue, and if he agrees to do it better, that means he still cares about you. But if he gives you some weak excuses like I like musturbation more, or musturbation and sex is different, or I have to musturbate every day, you know what you should do: Just walk away. There're a bunch of guys who treat you better and also have high sex drive! First, you talk to your boyfriend, tell him how you feel, then decide what to do. That's what I did. This is from someone who was in worse stuation than you.

 

Good luck girl,

[Day_Walker]

Why dont you interrupt his masterbation session and see how that turns out. If its something that he likes doing that much then why not give him some incentive to have sex instead of masterbating. As you can tell he is already in the mood for it, so by you taking some initative it could turn out better for you if you came in on the action.

[slimgym]

yeah, i should have inturupted his musturbationa and joined. that is what i should have done. but i was kind of scared to interrupt his musturbation, as i didn't know what to expect. and also, i'm afraid if i ask him more sex, he'll complain about sex getting boring again. asking him more sex didn't work for me. i don't know what to do. i want to have good sex with him again, but at the same time i don't want to have sex anymore. because i don't wanna get rejected by him anymore.

[slimgym]

youknowho, how did you talk about this issue with your ex?

 

sometimes i do think about breaking up with my boyfriend. actually i told him i want to break up with him once, and he begged me and he said he'd do anything, and try to change his bad traits. and he tried to make me happy for a while, but it didn't last long. he doesn't think our sex is bad, he's actually thinking we're having good sex. when i asked him more sex, he told me we're having many good sex, then i told him i don't think we're. he said "to ME, we're having good sex." on another occasion, i told him that i'm sexually frustrated, he said he doesn't want to be forced to have sex when he's not in that mood. maybe he doesn't need to have sex with me at all, since he musturbates. if so, i'll be happy to look for another guy, but he doesn't say so. he says he wants to have sex with me, but he he said he doesn't want to feel like it's a job and he doesn't want to have sex too much because it will be boring. what am i supposed to talk about with him? i talked about this issue with him many times, but it didn't get better.

[Bjourne]

Is two times a week really that low? Because that's all I'm getting. Should I leave my gf too? Or maybe you should try to learn the fine art of masturbation?

[slimgym]

i'm not getting twice a week every week. we often go 2 weeks without sex. he musturbates everyday because he wants to, why doesn't he have sex with me instead? that's what i don't understand, especially when he knows i'm sexually frustrated.

[caught_up]

Why not get some written or visual sex guides and get your bf to read or watch them together, then go try out what you two have just learned? Breaking up doesn't always solve the problem

[annie24]

but after a while he said sex became like his job and it got boring

 

OMG! I would die if a guy said this to me. Actually, no, first I would cry. Then I would dump him. Oh man... I mean, if you two are 21, and the sex is already not satisfying you, what's going to happen if you marry him? Do you think the sex will get more frequent....? noooooo.... If you're 21, aren't you supposed to be doing it like bunnies?

 

I understand if there are other things keeping you in this relationship - he may be a really great guy (apart from masterbating by himself any chance he gets). I think you should find someone who you are more sexually compatible with. If you like this guy, just keep him as a friend. Remember, the one person stopping you from having amazing sex should NOT be your boyfriend....

[arwen]

Remember, the one person stopping you from having amazing sex should NOT be your boyfriend....

 

My thoughts exactly!

 

This would be a red flag if this were my relationship, I think. Especially if he masturbates so regularly! Sounds to me he just wants things the easy way. But still I am a bit clueless, being intimate in a loving relationship should be better than masturbating during the dishes, right?

 

Ilse.

[Luciana]

Love that grammar above!

[Luciana]

I am really surprised at how many women are complaining about low sex drive in their partners. I have seen that in other relationship forums too, like link removed.

 

It used to be that men would complain about women not doing this, not doing that, giving headaches as an escuse, etc.

 

Is the fact that women are more open about sex now and have fewer inhibitions that in the past were limited by religion and old fashioned stigmas making men less potent, less manly, less interested? Dr. Laura would probably agree...

 

Or is it the effects of pornography? I have seen a major increase in complaints of that nature in the last decade, when the internet pornography became so accessible to all. Are men substituting virtual women for real women?

 

Gos, I sound just like Carrie from Sex and the City. Oh, I miss those 4 women. They were great and represented the reality of dating and relationships in big cities in this day and age.

[slimgym]

he didn't say that sex became like a job to me, he said it to his friend, and the friend told me, but he said that sex gets boring if we have sex too much. i understand if his sex drive is naturally low, i fill figure out how to deal with my sex drive, as there's nothing to do. i don't want to force him to have sex with me more when he doesn't want to, but the reason why i'm complaining about his low sex drive is because his sex drive i think is not necessarily low, he musturbates everyday, you know what i mean?

 

i'm confused and don't know what to do. people told me i should tell him that i want to have sex more when i want more, and i did, but others said i've asked him so much that he got tired of me. i don't want to force him to do what he doesn't want to do, but at the same time, i don't think i should be troubled about this. breaking up might not be always a good solution, but i don't want to get frustrated and confused, so sometimes i think I'd be better off alone.

 

i still get sex from him like once a week or two weeks, but he goes to bed right after we finish one sex. that hurts my feelings. he sometimes seems like he's doing it, because i want it. i truly believe he likes musturbationg more than sex. i might be so bad in bed that he doesn't want to have sex with me, but i've never had this problem with my ex-boyfriends, that's why i'm confused. if i'm always having this problem, it is because of ME that he doesn't want to have sex, but i don't think it is because of me, as i had wonderful relationships before him. maybe i should ask him if i'm really bad in bed? maybe it is my problem?

[arwen]

To be honest, girl I really don't think there is a big difference between a sex-drive and masturbation drive. For me and my bf it's like a resort when we have no possibilities to see each other long enough to have a proper go lol. We both like taking the time, and don't like quickies. We make love for hours and it's lovely. I think you know how that is, you have had relationships in which this hasn't been an issue.

 

That doesn't mean it's you. I really wonder if he is capable of intimacy and values you for what you are. Can you give a basic idea about other things in the relationship? And about him? Does he have other kinds of behaviour in the relationship that you consider strange compared to you previous relationships?

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[Enthusiast]

Slimgym,

 

As someone posted earlier, there is no difference between the two drives. I masturbate everyday, in fact, twice a day. It's great to wake up to and a great way to fall asleep after. I do this 'cos I know my partner can't keep up. I don't begrudge her and I don't seek other partners. So, I do it in silence and sometimes, not so silent, so she'll wake up and join me.

 

Hope things work out for ya.

[kiara]

I'm in a similar situation with my boyfriend of three years. I say similar, because he is not as obsessed with pornography, although his sex drive is really low.

 

My suggestion is quite different from what I've read here so far. I think it's crucial that you relieve him of the pressure of having sex. Every mention of the topic validates the fact that there is a problem and it's turning into a taboo between the two of you that can only be exacerabated with time if you don't take action today.

 

Don't nudge him to have sex, for that matter even if he brings up the topic himself (he probably will after some time), just say that it's ok and you don't feel like driving a wedge in the relationship and should focus on other things, just brush it off in a way and try you show him your lack of interest in the topic. In the meantime, do your thing -- masturbate as much as you feel like (and I suggest you get yourself a kick-ass vibrator if you don't have one already, the jack bunny rabbit is a good choice) and have a ride on your own, forget about what pleases him and how to save this. Furthermore, try not to spend as much time with him and it's ok if you appear colder and more distant, just make sure that he understands that your new attitude is due to his low sex drive. See how he reacts to that. Be more selfish, don't spend as much time with him and have fun on your own, if he doesnt even notice that or get irked by it, then chances are he probably doesnt care enough for you anyway to begin with. In which case, you know the end of the story and what to do next

However, if he does care about you, that will make him reevaluate the relationship and prioritize things in a way that better suits you.

 

Hope that helped a bit &good luck.

 

 

kiara-