Worried if he'll stop putting in the effort

[artsygirl]

I have now been seeing a guy for a few weeks. We met online and from the very first date, hit it off really well. After that we just kept making arrangements to see each other as much as we could which was lovely as I haven't had that type of commitment and dedication before. We'd go on dinner dates and he'd come round and watch movies, cuddle and he'd sometimes stay the night. We have very recently become intimate. He's so kind and we get on well in so many areas but he has recently gone back home (as we are both studying at the same university) and I won't see him for summer. We talk back and forth constantly all day everyday and I really hope we manage to keep things up through summer. He will be working full time and I am working part time so this will make the constant communication more difficult which we have both acknowledged. When we were discussing this earlier, he started making some off hand comments saying things like 'we'll have to see if we're still talking in September' and just 'we'll have to see what happens' although he did also say 'I'm sure there'll be some time to talk'. I worry that he'll stop putting in the effort. I have assured him I understand about the working issue but I still won't have a problem talking with him when I'm not at work. I just worry that this will die out and I really don't want it to. I know that if a man really cares about you he will make the effort with you and so far he has been amazing with that. I just worry this'll die out. Please tell me if I'm just overthinking or worrying too much, I'd just really like to try and keep up what we've got.

[Itchy]

You're investing way too much energy into something which has barely started, he's just being honest, he may end up meeting someone else while he's away, he may just want to enjoy his summer without sitting next to phone and sending texts everyday. Just see what happens and take things slow and steady.

[Clinton]

It does seem like he's backing off a bit. He may not want to be tied down over the summer.

 

All you can do is see what happens and make a decision based on how he acts.

[Ms Darcy]

You're investing way too much energy into something which has barely started, he's just being honest, he may end up meeting someone else while he's away, he may just want to enjoy his summer without sitting next to phone and sending texts everyday.

 

I agree.

 

1. You are over-invested. It's only been a few weeks.

2. Constant communication is not good. That's a good way to get bored of your partner.

3. Perhaps getting intimate so early wasn't a good idea. It seems to have upped your attachment to this relative stranger.

4. This may die out. That's just the nature of relationships. You have to see where things go as you get to know each other.

[Wiseman2]

Dating a few weeks is not a commitment. Take this slowly and as he suggests see what happens.

I haven't had that type of commitment and dedication before. 'we'll have to see what happens'

[ParisPaulette]

You are indeed over-investing. It's time to pull back and ask yourself why you're so frantic that you have already pushed yourself to the point of anxiety over someone you still don't know and who very possibly won't work out once you do both get to know each other.

 

Insta-relationships are a bad thing and you need to calm down and take a few steps back. At this stage your only thought should be, "Wonder what cool place I can go to and who I can go with?"

 

Otherwise you're doing dating wrong and you set yourself up to being vulnerable and rushing into things when you should be taking the time to first establish "Can this acquaintance move forward into something more? Let's see and get to know each other, and if it can't oh well on to the next."

 

That's not to say you can't be disappointed if something you thought was promising turns out not to be, we all go through that. But dating, especially this early in the game just shouldn't be this hard. You should be having fun and continuing on with the rest of your life just seeing who adds to that.