Both of us were on unfateful. Help!

[I80015]

(So my wife and I been married for 5years we seemed to have had a healthy relationship at first, we share two beautiful daughter 5 and 2 .Im 26 and my wife is 25. )At times my sex drive was a little too much for my wife ,I couldn't find the courage to cheat on her so I resorted to masturbating on webcam 1on1 privates without her consent but I still remain coherent that this was only to satisfy my urge and that at the end of the day my wife is all that matters . I was doing this for a couple of months. Last month I'd bought my wife a ticket to fly out to our hometown where we both grew up to visit my family and such. She reunited with friends she not seen for years, Her girl-friend invited her to a hangout at a friends house whom happens to be a old crush of hers. When she arrived at the hangout she said she was semi-drunk and later smoked weed with them ,she later saw her friend leave but she decided to stay with the guy in which later she had oral sex and vaginal sex with him twice that night . My wife came back from her trip confessing to me what she has done and how terrible she feels and promised me that she wouldn't have done that if she wasn't drunk. So I came clean and told her what I was doing on the webcam. She didn't take it lightly,she even compares both of them and saids that mine infidelity is just as bad as hers. So because we love her to much we are trying to work things out but I just can't stop imagining her giving oral sex to someone the same way she performed that act to me or someone pleasing her as much as I do. Even tho she said he didnt please her like I do.Our sex life was great before this .I'm not insecure about him doing something to her I haven't done already. I'm just unsure now if I want to be with her, i don't mean to sound selfish but I feel that I didn't cheat on her in the same manner she did. She doesn't even have a clue how these girls look like when in fact I personally know the guys she cheat on me with. What would be the best way to approach this situation? I do love her but I can't seem to stop thinking of what she did.. I even feel like I'm starting to lust over other woman more than before because I feel hurt. My questions are.

• Am I just as guilty as her

• How can we fix this situation if we both have a strong love for each other

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately your wife is a liar. She blamed her cheating on "being drunk", then tells you masturbating is the equivalent to cheating to justify her actions? It sounds like you both want an open relationship where you can satisfy your needs elsewhere.

she decided to stay with the guy in which later she had oral sex and vaginal sex with him twice that night. came back from her trip confessing to me what she has done.I even feel like I'm starting to lust over other woman more.

[ParisPaulette]

You both need couples counseling. To me, as a woman, you doing masturbating on webcams with other women is yes a form of cheating. Is it as bad? I don't think cheating is a contest, but if you'd both agreed that you're monogamous and any outside sexual activity with other people is cheating then yes you both did cheat.

 

What you need to do at this point is ask for couples counseling, IF you both have strong love for each other, and you try and repair the damage done OR you each call it a day and get a divorce. A third option of tallying each other's sins is pretty useless.

 

Do insist on an STD check though and get one yourself. Of the two cheating activities yours at least did not open you up to STDs or unwanted pregnancies. I suppose that's something.

 

Also honestly I'd look twice at anyone, so influenced by a past crush they'd full on have sex with them. And no, being "drunk" is an excuse. I've been drunk, been in a room drunk with an old flame even, my only thought was, "What the hell was I thinking back then?"

 

I'd also be asking myself some really hard questions right about now if you're finding yourself looking at other women. Cheating is not an answer, it's a symptom. And your kids will pay the ultimate price of any bad behaviors between you two, because kids pick up on that no matter how much you both lie and say they don't. And it causes a whole lot of blame, shame, and unstability as the kids wonder what their future is going to be when mommy and daddy do break up or if it was their fault. Said by someone whose parents cheated on each other from when I was 2 to 15. They put me and my siblings through hell, not just each other and although they thought they were being discrete, you really can't hide that from a child who is naturally fully attuned to their parents moods and behaviors.

[j.man]

If ever there were levels of cheating, her having a dude physically stick his penis in her mouth and vagina goes just a little bit further than your cam excursions. She took your confession as a great excuse to level the playing field. It's pretty damn shameless.

 

Go to counseling if you'd like, but if there aren't kids in the picture, it might be best to just cut losses. "I wouldn't have done it if I weren't drunk." Are you prepared for a life of worrying whether she's climbing on a dude whenever she happens to have a couple drinks and you're not around?

[mustlovedogs]

I couldn't find the courage to cheat on her

 

This tells me everything. You obviously want to cheat but haven't been able to do it. Your marriage is headed for disaster - cheating seems like it's nearly inevitable from both sides.

 

I think you should both do counseling and explore why you want to cheat. How can this urge be resolved? Can your sex life be mixed up so that it becomes exciting again? I think these questions need to be addressed.