Unsure

[Jct81]

My partner was sleeping with a girl on and off for a few years, says they are best friends and it was just a friends with benefits thing. They are still friends to this day. We have been together for a year and a half. I asked the question if we were to break up would they go back to sleeping wth one another, I couldn't get an answer other than "I don't know, I trust her". I asked how they could expect me to fully accept their friendship if I knew that? Now I feel like I am putting walls up again, my partner has done nothing with anyone whilst we have been together but I am just not entirely comfortable with their friendship. How do I get past my insecurity?

[sexypink]

Get past a Completely normal understandable worry? He's breaking boundaries. There's nothing wrong with your feelings.

[Matti Jr]

Well, if you broke up, it wouldn't matter. What matters is the reassurance that they are just friends and nothing more now. It's understandable to be worried about something like that.

[Pixels]

So your relationship is literally teetering on his unwavering sexual dedication...

 

I mean, even in a hypothetical situation where you weren't in a relationship anymore, you're distressed because of who he would be having sex with?

 

I get that trust in your partner is important, but seriously, if you aren't happy with your relationship because of a hypothetical outcome... I'm not sure there's much advice to give here...

 

And honestly, if they're good friends, you aren't going to split them up without resentment... So either accept it and deal, or find a guy without a close female friend.

[Capttrae]

Wow pixels we can actually agree on something.

But yea what he said

[Jct81]

I'm not worried that if we break up they will sleep together, I just am concerned that they still have chemistry and an attraction whilst we are together. If they fully viewed themselves as just friends then I guess this wouldn't be an issue, but the fact that I am the only thing that is stopping them from sleeping together now I do feel threatened

[Pixels]

People have attractions whether they're in a relationship or not... It's just kind of a fact of life... If you can't trust him, you can't trust him. That's basically all it boils down to... You're not going to be the catalyst that dissolves their friendship, and honestly, if they want to have sex they're probably already doing it regardless of anything you say or do... So... Either address it and maintain open communication with a goal to work towards trust, or recognize that there's a inter-personal conflict that's a deal breaker, and approach your next relationship knowing that's one of your personal needs...

 

Wow pixels we can actually agree on something.

But yea what he said

 

Not sure I've ever seen you... What did we disagree on, exactly?

[SherrySher]

I was in a situation like this at one time. He had a best friend, they had been romantic in the past and were extremely close even while we were together. He felt he had to talk to her every day,and he did. I was not comfortable with it at all. I felt like it was a very odd love triangle (although he told me several times that it was only a friendship). I expressed my worries to him and he told me he would not change anything with this woman. So I eventually ended things. It was hard for me to do as he and I got on very well, but it was also my choice. I was not comfortable with the situation. And I don't regret my decision to this day.

[Wolfshook]

I'm not worried that if we break up they will sleep together, I just am concerned that they still have chemistry and an attraction whilst we are together. If they fully viewed themselves as just friends then I guess this wouldn't be an issue, but the fact that I am the only thing that is stopping them from sleeping together now I do feel threatened

 

He is with you now. If guy chose you then he wasnt the one that caught feelings in fwb areangement. Dont be so worried. And yes, if you left him ,he'd probably go back to his fwb arrangement.

[missmarple]

If he insists on keeping her around, I'd leave. The problem isn't what may or may not happen if/when you break up. The problem is what happens if, say, you have a fight. Couples fight all the time. What if you go for 2-3 days without talking? Would he run to her to 'comfort' him? I bet he would..the guy can't even tell you 'no, I wouldn't sleep with her again'.

I would tell him he has to choose..if he chose her, I'd be out.

[Wolfshook]

If he insists on keeping her around, I'd leave. The problem isn't what may or may not happen if/when you break up. The problem is what happens if, say, you have a fight. Couples fight all the time. What if you go for 2-3 days without talking? Would he run to her to 'comfort' him? I bet he would..the guy can't even tell you 'no, I wouldn't sleep with her again'.

I would tell him he has to choose..if he chose her, I'd be out.

 

Why you think all guys would jump on the first (lady part) they are shown?

They are friends, they probably have been friends for a long time and they had their fun. It's over now. I made mistake of ditching my fwb once because of my ex, I now lost 2 great persons in my life. It should never be ok to ditch friends (unless there are feelings from her side and she tries to interfere with relationship).

 

Risks of getting with a nother person are everywhere, but if you know your partner wouldnt do it then there is no need for such a drastic measures.

But if you cant trust him then thats another problem.

[missmarple]

Why you think all guys would jump on the first (lady part) they are shown?.

 

Who said that?

 

a/This isn't a random girl we're talking about. This is someone he'd been sleeping with FOR YEARS..his comfort blanket, we could say.

b/ If they were 'friends', he wouldn't have a problem telling the OP 'of course not..what we had was in the past, we're just friends now''..but he didn't...and I don't know about you but I don't have a habit of sleeping with my friends. I do have a close friend I used to date years ago but I'm 100% sure (and I would tell any b/f who asked) that I never want to sleep with him again.

 

Yes, risks of getting with another person are everywhere. Also, there's always the risk that a bus could hit us. But we don't go standing in front of buses, waiting to see if they'll hit us or not, do we?

[catfeeder]

I can only speak for myself. My own private rule is that I will not involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex, in any way, shape, or form beyond shared children. You're learning WHY.

 

I'd tell partner, "I adore you and can see the two of us together in the future. So in order to preserve that potential, I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. You get to play out your private business with your ex lover, and if you ever find yourself completely free and clear of her and any other ex, you can contact me. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. If that never happens, I wish you the best."

 

This would be my way of avoiding the slow, painful rollout of my insecurities and doubts that will only come out sideways if I try to repress them and blow up the relationship anyway. At least walking away allows for my dignity to remain in tact while it's on ex-partner's back to show me whether we were ever really a meant-to-be-deal, or not.

 

Head high.

[Wiseman2]

That's not a good reason to stay with him...so she can't have him?

the fact that I am the only thing that is stopping them from sleeping together now I do feel threatened