luishenrique Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 As a means of encouragement and hope for the people out here, just wanna say that if you're doing no contact and is thinking "is it gonna take me somewhere?", "is it gonna work?", just stay still cause No Contact really works. It really helps in making you feel better. Just to be more specific: I had a mutual breakup with my ex-girlfriend. Even though, I still felt a lot of pain and tried to get back with her through the wrong way (remaining friends, trying to convince her that we could try again, that sort of stuff...). I doubted no contact, thought that it would make us no good. But one day, after bearing daily pain for a long period, I just gave in to no contact and proceeded to stay away and focus on myself. It's been 6 weeks of no contact and I feel a lot better. I'm not completely over her, but I can surely say I'm 90, 95%. I'm not sitting around waiting to see if she will contact me. In fact, I'm not even thinking about that. I'm starting to be happy again. No contact works wonders. It helps you out a lot if you wanna get yourself better. Just keep on going people. I hope the best for all of you and I'll continue to pray for you. I'll appreciate if I get the same from you guys Link to comment
gypsybird87 Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Awesome post! I needed to see this today. So thank you. And great job for making it to six weeks. I'm working on week three and it feels like forever. But I will stay strong! Link to comment
DoF Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Great to hear, congrats and keep up the good work. No contact is simply a different label for "separating, distancing or excluding yourself away from something or someone you don't want". Distance is a powerful force. The ultimate relationship killer. Link to comment
luishenrique Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 gypsybird87, I'm glad my post helped you somehow. I know how hard it feels. When I was around weeks two and three I was going crazy. Thought I'd never make it. But here I am, getting happy again. You will too. Stay strong Link to comment
luishenrique Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 Thanks DoF No contact is simply a different label for "separating, distancing or excluding yourself away from something or someone you don't want". Or from something you recognize is unhealthy Link to comment
madforyoy Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I have been on no contact for 3 months now..my ex of 5 years had already gotten into another relationship a week after the breakup which was 6 months ago. I try being okay. more than 90 days are up and I am still feeling depressed. I have tried every thing. Going out with friends, putting myself into work, spending time pampering myself and my hobbies. But at times I get ground sad. I miss him. what do I do about it? No contact does help but It doesn't help in keeping the pangs of deep pain away at times. Link to comment
Cope Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I have been on no contact for 3 months now..my ex of 5 years had already gotten into another relationship a week after the breakup which was 6 months ago. The real break up starts at NC. This is why NC is important. So 3 months after a 5 year relationship is really too soon, so don't beat yourself up that much. I already asked you this on your other post, but what have you done for the grieving? Are you just fighting against the sadness? If yes, don't. You are sad, express it. If you have grieved, then try the trick i told you on your thread. Limiting your time of grieving each day helps. You can get control of it. NC is not a pain killer. It just keeps you away from your trigger (your ex) so you can grieve them in clarity. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 NC is not a pain killer. It just keeps you away from your trigger Love this! Link to comment
nayla Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Does/has it work for everyone? What if you have kids together? Does it hurt more if you were together for a very long time? I tried something similar but not because of a brake up but because he had to go away to help family rebuild their home for almost 2 months...at first it was hard we did talk on the phone a few times a week or once a week then I tried to not be available so I could trie this "no contact"... I started to think I could start my life over and be who I could had been or would had if I didn't meet him or was before I met him. So eventually it was calming I was ok I guess, then few weeks later it gotten really bad then it kept getting worse. I did keep my self busy but for me it didn't work, only for small amount of time a few times a day. Like at work or when talking to someone... When I did speak to him on his way back I found out it gotten bad for him too, we both cried and hugged he was on his knees crying we talked about how we missed each other. when we had sex all he kept saying was that he missed me and loved me and wanted me so bad. I couldn't handle it I was starting to brake down badly I didn't want him to see me do that, so sadly and badly without realizing it and wanting to I told him to shut up. But never to this day told him how much it was bad for me. It's beef very hard for me these past few months we went thought somethings, where I should had told him my deepest feelings and I found out he tricked me making me think some other women texted me with his phone, I didn't say things that I should've. nobody knows, my mom knows some a few months ago. I'v been thinking for months of having a big serious talk with him but I cant. Then I think how am I going to get though it if we brake up or stay together and make it better, we never ever really talk and fix our problems, we just let it melt. Those Few months ago I hurt him and even made him mad, he did the same to me. Sorry End of vent Link to comment
Cope Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I tried something similar but not because of a brake up but because he had to go away to help family rebuild their home for almost 2 months...at first it was hard we did talk on the phone a few times a week or once a week then I tried to not be available so I could trie this "no contact"... Why would you go NC if he was to return in 2 months? Im' confused. Link to comment
madforyoy Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 The real break up starts at NC. This is why NC is important. So 3 months after a 5 year relationship is really too soon, so don't beat yourself up that much. I already asked you this on your other post, but what have you done for the grieving? Are you just fighting against the sadness? If yes, don't. You are sad, express it. If you have grieved, then try the trick i told you on your thread. Limiting your time of grieving each day helps. You can get control of it. NC is not a pain killer. It just keeps you away from your trigger (your ex) so you can grieve them in clarity. thank you for the words cope. I had already let the emotions take over me. I did not deny them. I used to cry, scream and sleep. I maintain a journal too. I am working on making myself better by learning a lot of things but sometimes when I am home alonem I feel sad because I miss him and he is probably roaming the world with his now gf. it hurts to think he moved on in weeks and I meant only so much. Link to comment
madforyoy Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Are you just fighting against the sadness? If yes, don't. You are sad, express it. If you have grieved, then try the trick i told you on your thread. Limiting your time of grieving each day helps. You can get control of it. I will try limiting my time. But I wish I had the willpower to command my mind to stop his thoughts from coming. Link to comment
rich46 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 But I wish I had the willpower to command my mind to stop his thoughts from coming. It's not about will power. You can't stop thoughts about him from coming. But you can change how you react to those thoughts! I recommend Noah Elkrief's videos on youtube about dealing with thoughts. Link to comment
nayla Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Why would you go NC if he was to return in 2 months? Im' confused. Was wondering if I could brake up with him and if I should, or/as when he would come back I could then if not soon brake up with him, and I had already started the process. In over words start the process early while I wasn't around him and hoping/thinking it would have been easier because of NC he wasn't near me, I would have to try and do things without him especially and not needing him, then see what would I do. Then see how our feelings would had been, would we miss each other. Link to comment
luishenrique Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 I know each person is different but for me, seeing my ex with another person was what made me let go of her quickier. She got into a new relationship within less than 2 weeks (something like 10, 11 days). It just made me understand how desperate she was for someone and that this new relationship has a huge chance of being a rebound. BTW, she still messages me saying she misses my companionship. Well, she ain't having it, she has a new guy, I'm not a therapist. She's taking random decisions and I just let her be. In the meantime, I'm feeling better each day and it happened naturally. But I guess it's just me. Anyway, don't ever lose your hopes. I was about to lose mine and out of a sudden, I got better Link to comment
theanongirl89 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I can say that it's aaaaaaaaaaall true, no contact do wonders to your recovery! Link to comment
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