Portuguese89 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Hello everyone!! I am new to this site seeking some peace of mind! I have been with my boyfriend for a year and in a few months he is taking a trip with his best friend to Europe for a month! This trip was planned before we got together and I am excited for his experience and to do what he loves to do, travel! However, I am so nervous to be away from him for a month. I guess my biggest fear is him not missing me and him losing feelings for me and possibly enjoying his trip to the extent of deciding he doesn't want to be tied down when he returns home. He knows I feel this way and calls me dramatic and reassures me everything I am thinking is not going to happen. I have read articles on keeping busy and doing things for myself while he is gone and even though I see that being true, I still worry when he is gone I will snap. The last thing I want to do when he is gone is push him away by being grumpy when we can talk or accusing him of negative thoughts on my mind and just ruining his vacation by my attitude. He works so hard and deserves every bit of this vacation. I'm just scared to lose him while he is doing what he loves. Please help!! xoxo Link to comment
JohnnyFranks Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 It's more sexy and attractive to be happy for his trip. Save the drama to be kept to yourself. No point putting pressure on him before he has even left. You want to be the cool girlfriend. One thing in life is that you can't control the outcome of somebody else's actions. (I.e - you can't control if someone leaves us, you can't make someone stay in a relationship if they don't want too.) Link to comment
Portuguese89 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 It's more sexy and attractive to be happy for his trip. Save the drama to be kept to yourself. No point putting pressure on him before he has even left. You want to be the cool girlfriend. One thing in life is that you can't control the outcome of somebody else's actions. (I.e - you can't control if someone leaves us, you can't make someone stay in a relationship if they don't want too.) That is true!! Thank you for your comment. I will take any advice!! I will definitely try to hide my emotions and prove to him I can handle this. Link to comment
JohnnyFranks Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Don't get me wrong, you can tell him that you will miss him and all that jazz, but do it in a non-pressure way. He will feel much better about leaving for the trip if you act super cool about it. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Long distance couples do it all the time. Fun fact: Facebook messenger has a killer VOIP calling feature. Figure out how often you want to call and he can talk over wifi. Link to comment
leseine7 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 You're already at risk of pushing him away even before his trip by complaining and worrying to him about this trip. It's good that he is reassuring you, but if he's already calling you dramatic, you need to tone it down a notch. You need to figure out if you trust him. Yes, keep busy, but being apart is going to happen here and there in your relationship and if you can't handle that without going crazy worrying, then you're not in a great place to be in any relationship. The 'what if he is going to lose interest' fear can happen at any time. It is very annoying, in my experience, to be looking forward to a life changing trip and having your SO be clearly distraught over it. He could be talking to you about all of his plans, getting excited, and sharing the experience with you. What makes you think you will snap? is there an ongoing problem between you that makes you this concerned? Link to comment
Portuguese89 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 You're already at risk of pushing him away even before his trip by complaining and worrying to him about this trip. It's good that he is reassuring you, but if he's already calling you dramatic, you need to tone it down a notch. You need to figure out if you trust him. Yes, keep busy, but being apart is going to happen here and there in your relationship and if you can't handle that without going crazy worrying, then you're not in a great place to be in any relationship. The 'what if he is going to lose interest' fear can happen at any time. It is very annoying, in my experience, to be looking forward to a life changing trip and having your SO be clearly distraught over it. He could be talking to you about all of his plans, getting excited, and sharing the experience with you. What makes you think you will snap? is there an ongoing problem between you that makes you this concerned? No that's the thing, he has never given me a reason to worry. He has never cheated and never been shady about anything. I'm just crazy I guess and over think everything. I've thought of even going to a psychologist bc I literally over think everything and work myself up and the last thing I want to do is ruin my relationship with this amazing guy bc I'm scared of the "what ifs." Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Listen, Portuguese. Your BF is going to Europe for a month, not to a space station for three years. Are you SO dependent on this man for your mental well-being that you fear you will "snap" while he is gone? That is not healthy anyhow. Meantime, we cannot tell what anyone will do at a given time. Nor can we tell the future (fortunately). Link to comment
Portuguese89 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 Listen, Portuguese. Your BF is going to Europe for a month, not to a space station for three years. Are you SO dependent on this man for your mental well-being that you fear you will "snap" while he is gone? That is not healthy anyhow. Meantime, we cannot tell what anyone will do at a given time. Nor can we tell the future (fortunately). How can I fix that so we do have a healthy relationship? I guess I do depend on him for my happiness. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Quite so, Portuguese. What you say is really at the heart of the matter. Not whether he goes on this trip or not. You are dependent on yourself, and no one else, for your mental well-being and contentment. It is unfair to put the burden on another person for your "happiness". "In a healthy relationship, the identity of the individual parties remains distinct. Individuality and being exactly who one is is valued as an asset within the dyad. This creates a feeling of safety, because the individuals are free to show up authentically in the relationship, and can ask for what they want and need. " From: / In any case you may wish to consult a therapist to work out your fears and help you build a resilient personality. "I'm just scared to lose him while he is doing what he loves" Link to comment
jamjacob Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Hello everyone!! I am new to this site seeking some peace of mind! I have been with my boyfriend for a year and in a few months he is taking a trip with his best friend to Europe for a month! This trip was planned before we got together and I am excited for his experience and to do what he loves to do, travel! However, I am so nervous to be away from him for a month. I guess my biggest fear is him not missing me and him losing feelings for me and possibly enjoying his trip to the extent of deciding he doesn't want to be tied down when he returns home. He knows I feel this way and calls me dramatic and reassures me everything I am thinking is not going to happen. I have read articles on keeping busy and doing things for myself while he is gone and even though I see that being true, I still worry when he is gone I will snap. The last thing I want to do when he is gone is push him away by being grumpy when we can talk or accusing him of negative thoughts on my mind and just ruining his vacation by my attitude. He works so hard and deserves every bit of this vacation. I'm just scared to lose him while he is doing what he loves. Please help!! xoxo Hi Protugese89 I've had a girl I was seeing traveling and there were many things I did to "keep the magic" going This article helped me, (seems like I can't post an url so you can just google: how to handle your boyfriend traveling and choose number 2). It is written as for married people but it helped me a bunch and i'm sure you can find something innovative or smart to use from the article! hope it helps! jamjacob Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 This will be great for both of you. You'll miss each other , have lots to talk about after. this broadens horizons. Also it will help with being so dependent on your bf. he can send you pics and updates...it will be fun. Whatever you do, don't make this a self-fulfilling prophecy by being so clingy before he leaves that he's glad to be away from that.I am so nervous to be away from him for a month. Link to comment
Portuguese89 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 This will be great for both of you. You'll miss each other , have lots to talk about after. this broadens horizons. Also it will help with being so dependent on your bf. he can send you pics and updates...it will be fun. Whatever you do, don't make this a self-fulfilling prophecy by being so clingy before he leaves that he's glad to be away from that. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it!! I have bad anxiety. Link to comment
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