Is there something wrong with me?

[HadaraNight]

Hello!

First of all I would like to say nice to meet you. It's my first time in this forum and I hope we can be good friends.

 

Well, the reason why I started this thread is because I wanted to ask someone about what's been happening to me on the past years. I'm 24 but I've never been in any kind of romantic relationship. I'm heterosexual and I've liked some guys in my life but I was never corresponded. So, since my third year in college to the present day (about four years or more I think?) I just suddenly stopped feeling romantic emotions, I don't know why. It's strange because before (when I was in high school and the first years in college) I used to feel really excited by seeing someone I liked, it was that feeling of your heart jumping and beating rapidly but now I simply can't feel that joy anymore...I've seen many attractive guys but I can't feel anything! I don't know how to describe it that well but it is just as if I was empty inside... funny thing is that I remember how it used to feel like but I just can't get to feel it anymore...

Sometimes I find myself with an urge to hug someone really tight, I don't know where that feeling comes from but it just does. Since I'm usually alone when that happens (or I'm too shy to ask someone to hug me) I hug pillows and after some time the feeling goes away.

 

This is so strange! I've done some research here in the internet and in some webs it said maybe it is some kind of depression or that I am just aromantic or something like that... but I don't feel depressed at all...actually I feel happy when I do the things I like, it's just that I can't feel love anymore. Some friends have told me it is all about waiting for the right person to come to me but...what if he comes and I can't feel anything? It's not that I'm in an urge to be in a relationship but this situation is really annoying because it confuses me...

 

So, has something like this happened to you before? Is there something wrong with me? I'm sorry if I'm a little vague, I really don't know how to describe this situation that well as it is really confusing for me.

 

Well, that is all and again, nice to meet you.

[Wiseman2]

Do you want to date? Are you asexual or just not interested in relationships? The teen heartthrob sensation may be over but what about finding boys attractive? Do have friends or do you feel disconnected from people in general? Do you want marriage/family one day?

[HadaraNight]

Hi! Thanks for answering. Well, I'm not sure if I want a date or not; sometimes I would like to but then I remember I'm too shy and may get nervous on one. I'm not asexual, as long as I know, I'm not sure; I'm quite terrified of sex in general, it creeps me out.

I'm not sure if I find boys attracting, some days I do, some others I don't care at all... but I don't find women attractive either.

I have some friends but we don't talk that much. I've always felt disconnected from people in general but that is because I'm too weird (or so I've been told).

 

I would like to marriage one day but only if we could both commit to take care of kids together; I don't want to end up taking care of the house alone, it's tiring. In my house, I'm the eldest daughter so I have to take care of everything on the house and take care of my siblings so I know what it is like to be in charge of the house alone... and I don't want it. My father is "machista" so he won't help me at anything and I don't have a mother anymore so yeah, I'm pretty much the motherly figure to my youngest siblings.

[Wiseman2]

This may explain some of your feelings that relationships are a drag.

My father is "machista" so he won't help me at anything and I don't have a mother .I'm pretty much the motherly figure to my youngest siblings.

[HadaraNight]

This may explain some of your feelings that relationships are a drag.

 

Do you really think so? I never thought about it. But maybe you are right...

But what can I do about it? Yes, I'm tired of being a mother and had the responsibility to look after my siblings and my father but I don't know what to do about it. I've thought about leaving the house, maybe even my country and I've been trying to but so far all my intents have been failed.

Sometimes I feel lonely and wished someone would like to run away with me hahahaha! But then again, that's something I must do on my own, right?

[aCuore]

It's nice to meet you as well!

 

Luckily, I don't think your depressed. But I do think you may be lonely, given your impulse to hug someone. I completely understand why you haven't pursued romantic relationships. Typically, relationships mean physical contact, sexual interaction (which you've said bothers you), and it's clear you're introverted (so am I, don't worry!) I don't think you're aromantic, as you have wavering desires to be with someone and have children. I don't want to make assumptions about who you are as a person, but I honestly believe there are social elements that drive you away from the idea of a relationship. After all, the most nerve-wracking thing is first becoming involved with someone. It's hard to break that barrier, especially when you're spent so long contemplating whether or not you're able.

 

Moreover, you've clearly had quite the load of responsibilities dumped on you. It's clear that you're very independent and a strong person. You spend much of your time taking care of others. I'm sure the idea of emotionally investing in a partner and taking care of them may cause you to be hesitant, or it doesn't interest you (even though, I assure you, a true partner will take care of you too). But, seeing as how you feel like you have a 'disconnect' from most people, it may be that you believe other people don't understand you well enough to let them close to you on that intimate level; and I can't blame you.

 

So, no I don't think anything is wrong with you, of course! I think there are a lot of things that make you wary of relationships, both physical and emotional, and that's understandable. I just hope you find someone that you can connect with, who understands your wants and needs and doesn't rely on you entirely, allows you your freedom and peace, and above all, hugs you when you need that hug.

[HadaraNight]

Thank you so much for your response.

Yes, I'm really introverted when it comes to a matter of relationships, I can't look at someone directly in the eyes but I'm not shy with other people such as friends and I don't have a problem making new friends either. My problem is with people I find attractive. I used to be very shy and had anxiety attacks but I've overcome it.

 

Actually, I'm quite weird and whenever I think of myself with a partner I feel like if I were to be with someone, I would protect him and take care of him as much as I can... It's strange for me to think someone would be willing to take care of me though... I'm too stubborn, I like to think I can do everything by myself.

Well, it's not that I don't think people don't understand me but that I don't think anyone would like to know my true crazy self. I'm just too weird... I pretend and lie in front of others too much... I don't think someone would ever like a girl like me... I've also been told I'm way too "smart" (just because I get high grades, but I don't think that makes me smart) and boys are intimidated by that. And that I am too weird to be liked.

 

Again, thank you so much for everything and nice to meet you too!