I dont know what to do

[kittysconfused]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 8 months, officially for six, initially I didn't want to enter a relationship and wanted to keep casual but he did things that made me feel like maybe hes great. Unfortunately I've had my fair share of bad/unhappy relationships and though I found him attractive and liked him I wanted to work on my self and develop a stronger friendship with him first. At first we had fun went out he would be all over me wanting to see me as often as possible etc so one day I stupidly asked if I was the prettiest or one of the prettiest girls he had seen he said no defiantly not I tried not to fuss about it too much as well I didn't think much of it cos we were having fun but then when he stayed over he would look at pics of nudes etc when he thought I wasnt looking I started to get insecure and asked questions about why Im not as pretty etc and he would roll his eyes and say why does it matter. I would message him the same when he wasnt around and he just became withdrawn and less wanting to talk less warm less affectionate in public etc which I asked about and he just remarked the honeymoon peroid is over. I tried to revamp it by sexting and being as wild as possible in the bedroom, shouting him to dinner etc, buying him gifts sending him cute messages but he would just lecture me and tell me to stop, He also lectures me about how I spend my money in general and tells me what things I should wear and about my diet etc. I might add he agreed to a bdsm arrangement where he is my Master but I think he is taking it wrong and just using it as an excuse to tell me what to do at times. He also used to say only a certain type of girl was prettier because that's what he very much likes to look at and after making him aware that I am insecure about the women in porn etc he would initially say I think of you while I watch it and no they aren't the girls that are prettier then you. And he says confidence is what is prettier then those girls etc. Seriously I've tried everything to spice it up and gain his admiration and attention, bdsm, presents, strippers, even a swingers club. I will admit there was a time for 6 odd weeks where sex was extremely painful with him cos foreplay wasn't enough with him and still isn't fingering my lady parts for a few minutes until he is hard is his idea of foreplay which I have talked to him about and hes like oh but I'm impatient etc, at that time I went for all these tests etc to see about the issue cos I was worried he'd leave if I couldn't perform though there were times he couldn't keep hard etc then looking at nudes when he thought I was asleep even early on in the relationship, anyway I confronted him about my pain and asked if he'll leave and he said depends how long it occurs for. I feel like I've made all these sacrifices for him I quit smoking for me and him cut down on drinking yea I know both unhealthy but theres heaps he didnt like which I have stopped though he doesnt want to acknowledge me still compares the way I look etc to these so called perfect women like he admitted the other day some of the women in porn are prettier then me and when we hang out and not getting freaky he just sits on his phone, I have to instigate conversation and he barely listens to me but when talking to a prettier girl his eyes light up as they talk. I ask him why he dates me still and says cos he loves me hell out of my insecurity I'v even said we can be friends I'll help you get with one of the prettier girls you'd prefer and he says no I want you. He has said I'm smothering etc which I guess I have been though I WOULDNT be if my mind wasnt anxious or insecure over stuff like this, I dont know what to do I mean Im still attracted to him but my head is aggravated and so filled with worries when it comes to us. He also has mentioned sharing another girl with me in the bedroom, and I wonder if thats why he wants to keep dating, to have that arrangement. I really really need help please.

[Cope]

I ask him why he dates me still [...] I wonder if thats why he wants to keep dating, to have that arrangement. I really really need help please.

 

Why are you asking him what he wants?Why are you waiting for him to decide where this relationship is going?

 

He is controlling. You are not, in this world or any other world, smothering him. You have been living life the way he wants you to and it is never enough for him and never will be.

 

You look like a submissive type of person, which is not bad, but as that type, you should stay away from people like this, they will destroy you. I honestly advise you to seek professional help. You really need to take your life in your own hands, Breaking up with him sounds like a very good idea. Be careful though, you never know how he will react. When a controlling person loses his "property" they can be mean and will have a hard time letting you go, which sometimes, in the eyes of the victim comes off as deep love.

 

I really hope everything goes well! Please keep us posted and really get help! this is a hard situation! Hugs!!

[Wiseman2]

If you agree to humiliation and poor treatment as part of your sexual role-play, maybe you should redefine your terms.

I might add he agreed to a bdsm arrangement. I confronted him about my pain and asked if he'll leave and he said depends how long it occurs for.

[crowleysgirl]

This guy doesn't even care about you at all, he's just using you for sex. If that arrangement works for you, fine. If not, stop contacting him. You can't make him like you.

[SooSad33]

"I started to get insecure and asked questions about why Im not as pretty etc and he would roll his eyes and say why does it matter. I would message him the same when he wasnt around and he just became withdrawn and less wanting to talk less warm less affectionate in public etc which I asked about and he just remarked the honeymoon peroid is over. I tried to revamp it by sexting and being as wild as possible in the bedroom, shouting him to dinner etc, buying him gifts sending him cute messages but he would just lecture me and tell me to stop, He also lectures me about how I spend my money in general and tells me what things I should wear and about my diet etc. I might add he agreed to a bdsm arrangement where he is my Master but I think he is taking it wrong and just using it as an excuse to tell me what to do at times. He also used to say only a certain type of girl was prettier because that's what he very much likes to look at and after making him aware that I am insecure about the women in porn etc he would initially say I think of you while I watch it and no they aren't the girls that are prettier then you."

- Yes, I'd say YOU are asking for trouble and NOT ready to be out there dating.

 

You've been putting yourself in these 'awkward' positions.. (eg) asking are you pretty. Going on about comparing to others out there.. on porn etc. And the dinner, gifts etc.?

 

YOU are insecure.... that's it.

 

Things will NOT work out when yo've got a load of things to work on. You're not positive about yourself or anything else in this relationship and just letting him go on with leading you on.. too much drama.

This is NOT a healthy relation...

 

>>"I have to instigate conversation and he barely listens to me but when talking to a prettier girl his eyes light up as they talk. I ask him why he dates me still and says cos he loves me hell out of my insecurity I'v even said we can be friends I'll help you get with one of the prettier girls you'd prefer and he says no I want you. He has said I'm smothering etc which I guess I have been though I WOULDNT be if my mind wasnt anxious or insecure over stuff like this, I dont know what to do I mean Im still attracted to him but my head is aggravated and so filled with worries when it comes to us."

 

I suggest you both agree thisisn't working and you go on your way for a good 6+ months,, taking care of YOU.

Work on getting your self esteem back up and self worth.

When you do, you'll feel better, you won't care about every other girl out there and yo'll feel much happier when you've got a good boyfriend!

 

But... until you deal with all that's eating you up 'Inside' you're not going to get ahead at all

 

Time on your own is good! Never feel you have to be involved all the time. We ALL need some time apart.. on our own to figure things out. Let this be YOUR time and work on yourself.