Is it the last time?

[litoosh743]

Hey everyone,

First of all, I would like to say to all of you, you are all amazing, the way you look out for eachother, you all know that it isn't easy, in fact its one of the hardest things to get over someone you love so much and know that never again will you feel that amazing feeling with them.

Well, I feel ashamed while writing this, I know what the responses are going to be...I know I made a mistake, but still, this morning I really feel the need to write on this forum after such a long time and a process that keeps resetting itself like it did on friday...my fault, not regretting it right now, probably will in 2.5 minutes....

I saw my ex on Frieday, after 7 months of no contact what so ever...we were in a club, his favorite artist was playing and I had a feeling I would see him. We saw eachother, hugged and chatted and danced all night. Then...I'm really ashamed I know it was a mistake...we went to my place...and he spent the night....it was like we never broke up...our story is long, we've hurt eachother so much...basically we broke up a year ago for the final time, before that he left me 3 times on account of depression problems and broke my heart like no one ever did before....then he wanted me back really badly, and I was already seeing someone but couldn't say no to him. I ended up seeing both of them for a couple of months without my ex knowing about it. And then I broke into pieces and told him about it I just had to tell him, he was my best friend and I never kept secrets from him...he left and kept looking for revenge by walking around my neighbourhood with his new girlfriend so I can see and I saw and it killed me inside. Back in July we met and spent a night together and after that he didn't want anything to do with me...so I left him a lone but alway loving him for afar. During these seven months I've been functioning having fun with friends, going out with guys, but its all been on authomatic pilot, with him always on my mind. I kept telling myself that I have to give it a bit more time and I was really close to seeing the light...I can't see it now because of what I did... I love this boy so much with all my heart... all I wanted was to feel his arms around me again...but the price is so high....I'm feeling so down right now just like in the begginning.

I know he's going to disappear again, and I'm not gonna even try to contact him...I'll just keep loving him from afar and hope that maybe one day I'll finally think of him as part of my past and please let there be a smile on my face when it happens....

Thats about it...I don't know why I wrote this, I just wanted to let it all out cause no one knows about this...and I'm so scared and ashamed....

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello there. Please don't feel ashamed. it is all right, dear. Love is powerful, passion is the heavy hand of life that tugs at all our chords, pulls us into its upsweep, and makes us drop all of our hesiations with sighs and kisses....It is supposed to be that way...and when it is right, passion creates more passion, fufills itself, and creates anew all over again.....

 

In this case, your love has won over your heart, and most of the time, the heart wins over everything........It is right that it does, but with the right person at the right time. Love isn't logic, so it obeys different rules. So sometimes pain follows........when the grandiose feelings fade and our world is shattered all over again.

 

I want you to know that you are not alone in needing what you did..in craving what you did...it is only natural. And I am deeply sorry that circumstances have not assured that your ex will be there in the morning...each and every day.

 

The high you felt so readily with him...that was the soul yearning to be free, speaking on its own terms. And he felt it, too. The feelinsg were still there...the care, the affection, the desire. But the situation is cloudy, and fragile. What will happen next? Your heart mournfully tells you....perhaps nothing....perhaps again you and he must part and go to your seprate places.....and again the pain pours in.

 

I have been there....yes, deeply, passionately, I have been there...driving over to his house in the middle of the night...needing to feel his arms, his kisses...one last time......then feeling so much sorrow...it is over, again.....yes.....I have been there......

 

You are a passionate soul......Right now, you did the best thing....you came here to sort out your thoughts, to ask advice, to reveal your feelings, and there is no shame in it.

 

Since you still love him, since you still yearn for him, it is now time to let him come to you, if that is meant to be. You know where your heart is, but you do not know for sure where his is. You have had a history together....a binding that doesn't just fade over night.

 

I strongly believe in fate. I know that certain souls are meant to be ours. If he is one of these souls, he will not be let out of your life. But you also must remember to let this drift from your hands for now.....allow this to just be.....and there will be a resolution. Send your love to him silently, and then take time for yourself.......

 

Life is going to heal you....and bring you what you need. it will, I promise. Love is never going to give up...because you haven't given up on love. Don't feel ashamed....feel glad that you desire desire and love...you are alive, filled with grace and longing for romance and tenderness.....Your heart is not closed.

 

it is just time to step back, to take care of your heart, to lean on all of us here......to trust that there will be healing, and a new adventure waiting for you, whatever it may be.

 

Love is the motor of the world.......You will know its peace and pleasure, without the pain..without paying a price...and that is when you know it is forever, dear heart.......

[Mun]

Hi there,

Well if you look around you will see that you aren't the only one that wants your ex back. In fact most people do. I say to cut yourself some slack about this, you don't know what the outcome will be this time around.

 

Maybe things have changed, maybe he ( and you ) have matured a bit and can now handle this differently. For now just go about your business and try to relax.

 

Like you said, you have hurt each other...but you loved each other too. So it wasn't just one person's fault. You both need to heal in a sense.

 

I hope he calls you soon. Chin up!

[just jeff]

I totally agree with both replys....some souls are meant to be; hopefully the pain and hurt you've both suffered can be forgiven and forgotten. True love is forgiving someone who has transgressed against you...truer love is forgiving yourself for the mistakes.

 

Life and love is about learning and growing; we do not have a handbook to refer too as we travel through life. I have caused pain and received it back...like karma; what goes around comes around.

 

Later down life's path...try to walk in the sunlight, be thankful you've experianced this love...learn and grow.

[Day_Walker]

This is just a guy that you are going to have to get over. If you couldnt get over him in 7 months then you need to try something different. If you two are that self destructive together then you need to realize that its not productive for you two to be together. Once you know its not going to work out with this guy then you will be better able to move on from this situation.

[litoosh743]

Hi,

Just wanted to say thank you very much for your replies, it really does make a difference, I'm hanging in there, I'm already programmed to hang in there, I'm trying to realx and keep my thoughts in perspective....

again, thank you very very much you are all angels

Lee

[litoosh743]

Well, he did call, and he came to my place on Monday night, and he was completely different, he was horrible to me, he wouldn't even let me speak, all he did was talk of himself, then I made a mistake and gave in to him, and then he left giving some silly excuse, he was so different it smashed my heart into pieces. He made me feel like nothing, like I'm worth nothing....I don't even want to understand, I just want to get over him once and for all, I don't ever want to feel the way i did that night and the morning after, he completely changed. The week before it was like old times, then this, so cold, so cruel like he didn't even know me, like i was some random girl he could treat any way he liked...and i let him and i feel awful absolutely smashed into pieces, I'm trying to function as usual but its almost impossible...just want to come out of this normal.....what a mistake...how could i be so stupid and think he actually had anything left for me in his heart??? I'm so confused right now, i don't even know what i'm writing, just letting the words out...so sorry if this doesn't make much snese...