Choosing to be alone

[gaseousclay]

I don't know if this will make sense to anyone but here goes. Even though i'm now separated one of my consistent life experiences has been that i've always been alone. Growing up overseas in a military household meant moving often, so friendships didn't last. My parents were also never the affectionate types nor did they foster a healthy relationship between my brother and I. I would describe them as cold.

 

After my parents divorced while I was in my teens I had a tumultuous relationship with my step-mother and she forced me out of the house @ 17 while my dad did mothing. I was forced to live with relatives til I completed high school. After high school I went through a series of friends and moved from one peer group to the next. I guess I always found something in those peer groups I didn't like and moved on. I guess I had done this so many times over the years that I basically chose not to have a social life.

 

Fast forward to the present and I can't help but reflect on my relationship with my ex. She would get mad at me and say mean things like, 'you have no family or friends,' without even trying to understand why. My ex is a bit of a social butterfly to the point that she likes to hear herself talk, and she has family here she can rely on. I, on the other hand, do not.

 

I've had to take care of myself and have been let down so many tines in my life that I chose to not have a social life. The thing is, i'm ok with that. I now have a little boy who means everything to me and I couldn't be happier. My ex is the one who was hung up on me not having friends or family to the point that she showed zero compassion or empathy.

 

So to those who are afraid of being alone, don't be. As long as you're content with your place in life then it's how you choose to live it rather than it being defined by who is in it.

[thejigsup]

I'm independent, I love being alone, but dang! NO friends? That's not good at all. My friends are my life, always have been. Try and make some friends, they make life so much easier.

[bulletproof]

It's probably not that healthy to have no social support. While it's good that your child is important to you, he can't be your whole life. That's an awful lot of pressure to put on a child. I think your ex behaved poorly, but she was likely feeling the pressure herself of being your whole social life as well. It's good to be self-sufficient to some degree, but it sounds like you've convinced yourself that you don't need anyone. Not sure that's true.

[tina-rocks]

You can be in a room full of people, yet feel totally alone. If your happy being alone that's great, but your not, as you have your child. I do agree make sure you don't rely on your child though to fill in the gaps.

[Wiseman2]

Being an introvert is fine. Forget your ex's stupid comments. It's also fine to have boundaries with friends, family and coworkers. And healthy people, contrary to your ex's musings, cut off toxic people. Try not to let her ignorant words have any space in your head.

My ex is the one who was hung up on me not having friends or family

[gaseousclay]

Being an introvert is fine. Forget your ex's stupid comments. It's also fine to have boundaries with friends, family and coworkers. And healthy people, contrary to your ex's musings, cut off toxic people. Try not to let her ignorant words have any space in your head.

You've hit the nail on the head. The friends I used to hang out with were toxic, so I removed myself. Also, I'm intentionally not allowing people to get too close to me because i've been hurt so many times in my life that it became second nature.

 

As for my son, he's only 3 so i'm going to enjoy my time with him while I can. I do not plan to smother him or cling to him out of neediness. I do know that he'll eventually grow up and spread his wings.

[gaseousclay]

You can be in a room full of people, yet feel totally alone. If your happy being alone that's great, but your not, as you have your child. I do agree make sure you don't rely on your child though to fill in the gaps.

I'm content. I'm not worried about not having companionship is what i'm getting at. It could be just where i'm at right now...having gone through a rough patch with my ex and all. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy good conversation and socializing in general but right now i've more or less shut people out.