How did you know it was time to end NC?

[justaperson569]

I broke NC last night and it had been 64 days since I last contacted them, it's been almost 3 months since the breakup.

 

I broke NC last night because I had been thinking about writing them a letter and essentially apologizing for my half of the demise of the relationship. I was ready to accept all scenarios rather than living with the regret risk of never sending it, and owning up to my faults.

 

The first scenario was no reply (I was okay with this)

The second scenario was a mean reply (I was okay with this)

The third scenario was a nice reply back (Didn't expect this, but was okay)

 

I reached out last night and sent a letter I had written a few weeks ago and after a lot of thought and contemplation I sent it out. I felt a little anxiety sending it but overall I felt relieved and knew I had to. If it set me back another few months, I'd accept that, I'd rather deal with it for the short-while then regret never sending it. What I didn't expect this morning was a sincere reply and a "Thank You" and this led to them apologizing for their half of the demise of the relationship as well.

 

They did, however, insist that after time has passed and we have healed, that we could become friends again, since this is what she misses the most, "our friendship".

 

It's heartbreaking really, to think that we could ever really be friends. Because I've come to the realization that I can't be "friends" with any of my ex's because it simply isn't respectful for any current significant others and doesn't leave any space for someone new to come into your life. I still have feelings for this ex and I can't have her come around and be in the way of someone I actually want to marry someday, I wouldn't do that to them, because I've done that in the past and it hasn't got me anywhere.

 

I haven't replied and I don't even know what I would say to what she said. Today is day 1 again of NC, if I see her in public and I can't help but say hi or something of that nature, I will not consider that breaking contact. Only if I go out of my way and initiate the contact. If and when she heals and wants to be friends and she reaches out (I am the dumpee here) if I still have feelings for her, I will be upfront and tell her that a friendship will not workout between us because I am only interested in reconciling and she can contact me if/when she comes to that conclusion otherwise it was nice to meet her and I'm glad we crossed paths but bye bye birdie.

 

I am not ready to reconcile at this moment, but I feel I could be in a few months time. I'm at a place where I have a lot of self-love and I am ready to share this love with my partner. If she is interested in only being my friend, then I honestly have really mixed emotions about this. I do not want and will not be in a perpetual friend-zone with someone I had sex with and would still enjoy.

 

1. Someone's feelings will get hurt

2. How can you really be friends with an ex if you're trying to find a partner?

 

I can honestly say the NC hasn't set me back, rather, I expressed to her my truth, and that truth has set me free. I don't have to have any regrets now for anything that led to the demise, I can be grateful I got to love her in the time that I did, and that we both grew from that relationship.

 

Maybe she is the one for me and maybe she isn't but I'm not going to wait around for her to "heal" so we can be "friends" it doesn't work like that, does it? Does anyone have any evidence of this?

 

You go from friends--->lovers--->ex-lovers

 

then demoted to friends again.

 

Just my 2 cents

 

*gets off soapbox*

[abitbroken]

Honestly, from your first point it sounded like you felt that you were supposed to "stop NC" at some point in time. I agree with other posters that if you don't want to get back together and don't really want to talk to him - then keep it up forever. If you guys had a short relationship and it went downhill rather quickly - there really is no reason to hang on to him, either. If he was someone you would run into with business, etc, then I could see that you would get to a point where you would need to converse with him on an as need basis only - or if you had a kid - but there is really no need. I went out with a guy for a brief time - we weren't in eachother's circles and when it ended - I just moved forward and on to the next adventure. And that is what I advise most. So when you get the urge - recognize its just part of the healing process - and don't.

[Cope]

Thanks for the input!

 

@justaperson569 yeah i too have been having thoughts about sending him a letter, them i'm like: whaaat? He made it clear he isn't interested in a relationship right now, he already knows how i feel about him, so no reason. Of course i don't need closure. I think it was a good call for you to send the letter!! If you have an itch for a while, it means something, so better get it off your chest, good job!

Also, i do agree it is probably very rare to see couples who are demoted back to friends successfully. The advice i've got in this thread made me be honest with myself and realize that i do have thoughts about getting back together and that is indeed why i want to contact him. I don't doubt we oculd be friends, but as @abitbroken mentioned, there is no reason to. If he was in at least the same country, maybe there would be a point or maybe at some time we could honestly be friends, but chances on seeing him again ever in my life are quite a few.

 

I don't know, right now of course i still want him, or at least i want what i thought we had back and my "plan" is to be able to keep him in my life, like text maybe once every few months, just for the "you never know" factor. I wouldn't let it get in the way of me moving forward, cause i do know that i would be mad if my bf still contacted his ex of whatever content. For me right now, that "plan" seems perfect. I assume that in a couple of months or more i will think of this plan and laugh, but...ya never know. I am planning to stay single for quite a while, that's also one of the reasons i am considering this. I'd like to stay single at least a year. I owe it to myself.

[Cope]

You should check this out, helped a lot.

 

gonocontact.com/no-contact-quiz/