Am I overreacting?

[toastyhappy]

It's sad when you pretty much know what needs to happy but need validation in making your decision. I'm reaching out here for some guidance or input because I am not real keen on involving family or friends because basically I know they'd be looking at me with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. Anyway, here goes. I've been involved with a man for a little over seven years and to say he's the love of my life is an understatement. We have had our ups and downs as all relationships do but always seemed to manage to come out on the other side of them stronger - at least I thought so. That is until last year when my spider sense started tingling, and I took a look at his phone. Come to find out he had created a profile on a hotwife sharing swinger's website and joined a couple where the wife was now instant messaging him to join them for a second romp. I confronted him with this dandy piece of information, and he asked for my forgiveness and for us to go to therapy for the sake of us and his children (I have been pretty much the only mom his three children have ever known and love them as if they were my own).

 

So, we went to therapy, have been working through that, and, again, I thought we had come out stronger. It's still in the back of my mind, but our relationship had been better than before the incident, and he returned to treating me with respect, love and affection. However, recently he began withdrawing again and not really making the effort in our relationship. He was quite unkind when I assisted a friend who was the victim of domestic violence and informed me that he wasn't about to have his children around that. It might be helpful to insert here that my profession is working with victims of abuse, so this is nothing new except it involved assisting a friend, but never in all these years together have I ever allowed my work to touch "our" children and would do my best never to let it happen. I was hurt but felt like I was overreacting, so I said nothing. Then, we had a very special evening out planned that had been in the works for over a month and literally 5 minutes before we were supposed to take the kids over to stay at their grandparents he walked in and said they didn't want to go so we were staying home. I was dumbfounded because we had dinner reservations, tickets to a show, and a hotel reservation so we didn't have to make the hour drive home. I was upset and couldn't really believe what had happened. I waited for the kids to go to bed and told him that I really needed to talk to him about what had happened. I told him my feelings were extremely hurt because I don't feel like I'm and our relationship is a priority to him because things like me helping my friend had him implying I was putting his children in danger and then unilaterally canceling our evening. He became enraged and called me crazy, insane, ridiculous and told me that his kids meant everything and I meant nothing. I tried to let him know I loved the kids and would never do anything that would harm them. To this he told me to "shut up." I told him this had nothing to do with the kids because this is their home, but I was talking about how his actions and behavior hurt my feelings. He told me I knew where the door was and was free to go anytime. Since this has happened, I have been out of town and we have only talked minimally. I apologized for not presenting my case in the manner and let him know that I loved him and the kids to which he replied "i know." He has not apologized for his mean words, and we have not really spoken about what happened. I feel like there has to be more going on in the background that would provoke such a vicious response from him, but, with everything that happened with the cheating, I am questioning whether I can let go of more hurt and whether it's worth even trying.

[Wiseman2]

It's time to start looking for a place and begin planning to move out. Stop apologizing and re-apologizing and explaining and re-explaining. Your instincts that more is going on is correct...so much resentment and hostility don't happen over nothing and over night. He showed you the door so keep your dignity and use it. Don't even ask why, just go.

[Clinton]

If it was me I'd leave BUT I'm not you. You say he's the love of your life so maybe keep going to therapy with him and see if it improves.

 

I have seen people take stands regarding their partner and live to regret it. It's always easy to say walk away but there are emotional consequences to that.

 

Just be sure you really think it through before you make your descision.