Lack of experiences possibly affect Relationships?

[Batya33]

"You nailed it when you said they have never had to be responsible for someone other than themselves."

 

Having a child is only one of many ways a person learns about responsibility for someone other than themselves. I outlined several examples in a previous post.

 

And obviously as others pointed out just because someone is a parent doesn't mean that person behaved responsibly.

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it's only been within 'thought'. As I'm trying to understand to some degree what was up with these guys, who were similar in their'ability' to 'give themselves' ( emotionally & communication).

neither of them had been a father or had pets. ( and both had only one sibling).. so just seeing if i was weighing the odds in this..?

 

I won't 'judge' anyone. But just curious.

I kinda agree with you but in the sense that certain people might have been more carefree so avoid certain complications. It you don't have to deal with certain situations than you might be more likely to avoid them.

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These are single men in their mid 40's to 50's.

 

I kinda feel they are being more 'selfish' than other men normally would, because they've never had to 'give' or share themselves to any extent through their lives.. only worry about themselves pretty much.

Selfish might be a little harsh but certainly there may be a certain degree of self-preservation.

[SooSad33]

You nailed it when you said they have never had to be responsible for someone other than themselves.

 

Playing with your niece and nephew or even baby sitting them is not remotely close to having 24/7 responsibility for another life.

 

I think it may be more telling that they have had multiple relationships and none ever stuck.

 

I am curious what the average length of time these men have been in a exclusive relationship?

 

These guys could be great but have lived a certain way for a pretty long time and are used to their lifestyle and the mindset that comes with it. They live a free unencumbered life with no deep tangible connection which gives them the ability to simply walk away at any given moment. We learn as we do and these men have never done the things that really make you grow.

 

Lost

 

I think this is what I was aiming at.

One who is mid 40's, had never had a lengthy relationship at all. Maybe 3 yrs? But all have failed.. he walked away, etc.

 

One who is in his 50's... in ways, seems desperate. Living on dating sites, even though he may have a side gal, when he's 'free' ( every cpl weeks).

His longest relation he says was about 10 yrs.. but she cheated on him. After that, I dont think he's had any real definate solid relationships. He'd hang with them a year or so.. and eventually someone gets bored.

 

Either way, I don't feel these guys 'know' any better nor have had any really 'good' experiences during their years.

[Batya33]

I think this is what I was aiming at.

One who is mid 40's, had never had a lengthy relationship at all. Maybe 3 yrs? But all have failed.. he walked away, etc.

 

One who is in his 50's... in ways, seems desperate. Living on dating sites, even though he may have a side gal, when he's 'free' ( every cpl weeks).

His longest relation he says was about 10 yrs.. but she cheated on him. After that, I dont think he's had any real definate solid relationships. He'd hang with them a year or so.. and eventually someone gets bored.

 

Either way, I don't feel these guys 'know' any better nor have had any really 'good' experiences during their years.

 

So yes, so far they may not have had successful relationships -but why assume that that means they do not have to care for others/be responsible for others. A romantic commitment is only one of many ways.

[lostandhurt]

I think this is what I was aiming at.

One who is mid 40's, had never had a lengthy relationship at all. Maybe 3 yrs? But all have failed.. he walked away, etc.

 

One who is in his 50's... in ways, seems desperate. Living on dating sites, even though he may have a side gal, when he's 'free' ( every cpl weeks).

His longest relation he says was about 10 yrs.. but she cheated on him. After that, I dont think he's had any real definate solid relationships. He'd hang with them a year or so.. and eventually someone gets bored.

 

Either way, I don't feel these guys 'know' any better nor have had any really 'good' experiences during their years.

 

Since I am a guy and know more than a few guys like you described I can tell you that they really are either scared of that kind of responsibility or simply do not want it. They have their lives the way they want them and if the woman they are dating doesn't like it then to bad. This is why they don't have very long relationships. The woman they are dating grow tired of their attitude towards their needs and wants and finally realize that this is really the way he is and then dump them. The men I know like this are about 50/50 as far as experienced in longer than 5 year relationships. One good friend got a vasectomy in his mid thirties because he knew how he wanted to live the rest of his life.

 

All things considered if a person was to get involved with someone like you describe it would be best to go into it with your eyes wide open and be watchful for growth. When my son was born I was not a very good dad. I was so busy taking care of everything I lost sight of the little things he needed other than the nuts and bolts of life. I am now told frequently what a great dad I am so there is always hope for us men but some are just stuck in their ways and simply don't want to change unless it benefits them.

 

Are you considering dating someone like this?

 

Lost

[SooSad33]

No.. these are one's I have encountered already over the last 3 years.

 

the one in his 40's lasted 6 months.. then he wandered over to another woman. he is no longer with her now, either.

 

The other one, in his 50's.. went from a relationship of about 1.5 yrs.. onto me... then as I started backing off because all he showed interest in was a Fwb.. then he's on dating sites and found another side gal.

 

So it's like he goes from one to another.. to another and is still on the site ( after having HER around for the last 3 months.).

I'm thinking.. IF she was anything special enough he wouldn't still be on there?

I feel he's just lost & lonely ol man.

 

But Im not sure that's really too healthy lifestyle either.. one woman to another.. to another?

 

What ticked me off, was I was around.. giving him the benefit of the doubt for almost a year. Then he just moved on without a problem, within weeks.

AND. to top it off.. he contacted me, yet again and we were talking for days.. then 3 hours later, he brought her home.

Shocking!

Like.. wth? WHY be talking to me for days.. flirting, etc.. when you've got someone new lined up? idiot!

Because he thought and wanted us to continue.. as ;friends'.

Sorry.. but I DO have feelings and I can't do that, at this time.

[Batya33]

"WHY be talking to me for days.. flirting, etc.. when you've got someone new lined up? idiot!"

 

Why not? It's just talk, takes little effort and can be fun to flirt. If a man is not making plans to see you and get to know you in person assume that he is not that into you.