how does a guy learn to settle with 1

[Knctrnl22]

This is going to seem very bad but its the truth

 

I have a signifant other in my life but I can't help but think about having sex with other women. I do not think about other women as to wanting a relationship with them. It happens to me when I give in to looking at women out in the street, I was doing really good when I would just not even look but lately its out of controll. I am not saying that I would go out there and cheat because I wouldn't like it if it happened to me. I want some advice perhaps from people that are married or have a signifant other in their life. any advice would be appreciated

[tanned_production]

Are you looking for sex elsewhere, because things with your significant other aren't going to well? Or your sex life isnt as alive as it used to be?

 

People can look to others to fulfill their "needs" because they're not getting it from the people they should be... You need to figure out why you're fantisizing (sp?) about other women, and what you can do to stop it.

 

If its a problem with your relationship with your significant other, get to the root of the problem. Talk to them about it...

 

But whatever you do, don't cheat! If you're unhappy with the relationship... do something about it... and not by cheating. that wont solve anything, if anything it will make things worse.

 

I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for about 2 months... when we were fighting, I found myself looking at other guys... But I'd try to catch myself and remember what a loving/caring relationship we had, and even tho we were fighting... it was still more than I could get from having sex with a random.

 

Make sense?

 

You'll get everything figured out... good luck! PM me if you need anyone to talk too.

 

[RayKay]

This is kind of a "easy answer" but in response to the question in your subject header:

 

Both males and females don't need to LEARN to settle. They simply DO when the person is right, and when they are in the right place/time in their lives and with the right person. Some people never get there though, and some people will ALWAYS be true based on their own values and morals.

 

And that is why this is what came to my mind: maybe she is not right person for you? Maybe you feel like something is missing? I am assuming you are not married? How long have you been together? Maybe you are not ready at this point in your life to be settled down?

 

Maybe you are dissatisfied with your relationship or rest of life and are looking for an escape?

 

You need to determine whether you are in right relationship, with right person for you, and then depending on that what your actions should be.

 

And once you have figured all that out, determine what you are going to do. In any case, you need to sort out your relationship before you do anything else. If your relationship is worth saving, start putting your energy into it, both sexually and emotionally. Start investing the time you invest looking elsewhere into your partner and your current relationship. If to you it is not, then it is best to end that before moving on.

[Hope75]

I have to agree that when the time is right, and the person is right, it will not feel like you are settling for someone, it will feel like you are the luckiest person in the world to have captivated this person.

 

If you aren't feeling like that, then something is probably missing from your current relationship and you have to get to the root of what that is, maybe through talking with your SO, and decide for yourself if the relationship is worth saving, which will take time and effort from both of you.

[passions1]

You have to look at what point are you in your life right now? And how this girl comes into play of the seriousness of the relationship? If you are not clear with yourself, then you may not be ready to be in anything serious. However, if you think you are ready & comfy with yourself, then it maybe how you 2 interact with one another. Are you holding back with her or is she possibly not a right enough fit for what you really what in terms of personality traits that work out well for you? Remember, that looks may attract, but its the personality is what will keep a person attracted to them for the relationship to be able to handle the challenges of the tough times.

[mt_joy]

If you feel like you are "settling" for this person, you are with the wrong person. What is missing from your life with her that makes you want to have sex with other women? Please don't cheat. Leave her before you actually act on your impulses.

[DN]

Where in his post did he say or imply he was 'settling' for her? He said he would not cheat but was looking at other women and thinking about having sex with them. I took that to mean as a fantasy.

 

Knctrnl22: Most people look and think what it would be like, it is normal. But it might be a good time to analyse the relationship and see if it is what you really want. If you love her and want to stay with her in committed relationship then a little fantasy is ok providing you don't act on it or let it start to become an obsession.

 

If you have doubts about the relationship, then you need to address those doubts and either resolve them or think about ending the relationship.

[joe-bloe]

I loved my gf so much , no other woman would compare to her. I only wanted to be with her.

[DN]

Where in his post did he say or imply he was 'settling' for her?

 

My error - should have seen the title of the post

[Day_Walker]

I dont know the exact degree of your problem. Its going to be hard to give you advice because I dont know if this means you want out of your relationship or if you just think about having sex other women. I dont think that there is anything wrong with being curious about what it would be like to sleep with other women, I think that is pretty normal. You need to ask yourself if this means you want out of your relationship or is this just fantasy. No one can tell you that information so you need to figure it out for yourself.

[DragonGirl724]

ok, this is going to sound so psycho-analytical...but this is a problem within YOU, it may have nothing to do w/ your GF. if the relationship is healthy & you 2 are happy together & the good outweighs the bad, then the only common factor here is YOU.

 

here is a link to break down a theory as to why some people are like this it starts at infancy its Erik Erikson's 8 stages of human development.:

 

link removed

 

its as if youre trying to cope with something that was missing as you grew up. or maybe you subconsciously 'didnt finish' a stage or maybe even blocked a stage out for whatever reason & its now making an appearance in your love & sex life. stages of development in a way 'haunt us' until we fully grow & are able to move forward. as if there comes a point in our lives that your brain & these 'quirky fixes', like this cheating phenominon, scream out to you & say "DUDE SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT FIX ME!"

 

you may simply have a commitment phobia due to age & the 'normal older guy is supposed to get married soon' & here you are not knowing exactly if thats what you want, & maybe youre not ready for such a strong commitment, which is ok too, just as long as you acknowledge it & act upon it NOW in a mature & reasonable way. maybe even have a mutual 'break' from the relationship.

 

perhaps you may feel almost suffocated if you dont get your 'fix'. as if cheating is like a drug. if you plan on or maybe if you already did cheat before, dont be surprised if afterwards you felt a tremendous amount of guilt, but yet still felt the need to do it again...

 

if i were you id be honest w/ your GF. she deserves to know the kind of man shes getting involved with. explain to her this is not enjoyable for you & you want help. we here can not help you figure out whats triggering this drive in you. i believe it best be left up to a professional, not a forum.

 

goodluck,

 

-DG724

[goddess23]

without getting too psychological, im going to say that it is normal to look at other women. however if you're not feeling SATISFIED then it is a problem. however, i think its unlikely that sexual satisfaction is the real problem (im just guessing, maybe it is lol) it seems like commitment phobia over anything else. i think the reason that you're thinking of sex with other women is because maybe this isthe first time you have had a SERIOUS relationship that seems overwhelming. with all honesty you should talk to your partner...maybe taking a break to see what else is out there, maybe you need a little break and see if you really want to be in such a relationship otherwise it's being unfair to the both of you.

[DragonGirl724]

Knctrnl22,

 

any follow up or thoughts about what was said here?

 

-DG724