He said "someday"

[Serenity585]

I dated my ex for over a year. He is the first person I ever truly loved, and he says I was the same to him. We talked about things, such as the future, that I've never talked about with anyone else. It was almost a fairytale. But, we both have our own issues. He got distant all the time, sometimes wouldn't talk to me. We lived together. And I would cry all the time, being anxious. I struggle with depression and anxiety while he struggles with his own demons. Instead of really addressing what the issues were, we'd dance around them. I would get suspicious of things I had no business even thinking about. And he would just ghost sometimes. He moved away 3 months ago and a few weeks later he called and broke up with me. He said that he couldn't be the man I deserved, that he was sorry, and that I need someone better. We were both crying. I knew deep down he didn't want to break up with me for him but for me. He thought he was hurting me too much.

A couple months passed and he came back to town. I didn't expect him to contact me, because I felt like he said everything he needed to say. However, I still had a lot to say. I wanted to make my peace and tell him that I accepted that we were over. It was my idea of closure which I know technically doesn't exist but I still wanted it. Yes I wanted him back so bad but I was not about to beg.

Well everything flipped. I contacted him and we agreed to meet. We talked for hours about how our lives have been and different things that happened, just like old friends. We were even smiling and laughing. Then, things got quiet and he asked me, "So how are you doing.. With this?" And I told him that I would be lying if I said I'm great because I'm not. But that I still respected his decision. I asked how he was and he said that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about me and that day. He plays every word I said over and over in his head and sometimes it's too much.

Then he told me that he started going to therapy. That surprised me. He's a stubborn man and never likes to admit that he needs help with anything, much less his mental health. He said that I was the last straw. He doesn't want to keep hurting people that he loves. He wants to be a better man.

He then told me that he hopes I never doubt that he loves me and will always love me. And he wants to be with me again in the future, when he's a better person and ready to give me all that I need. He said that he was always going to reach out to me, but it wasn't the right time. That I'm the love of his life, his soulmate. Marrying me wasn't a question, it was a fact.

I took in everything that he said. I didn't get overly excited or anything. I agreed and told him I want to try again someday too. The last thing he told me in person was, "I can't make any promises, but I'm coming back for you." I responded with, "I can't make any promises either, but I'll be waiting." And that was it, after a passionate kissing session.

 

He left the next day. I wasn't expecting to hear from him, other than him telling me he was back home safely. But for a week, he was texting, calling, and FaceTiming. Of course I was over the moon. But that couldn't continue, of course.

 

It's been a month since he left we've had about 3 conversations since that week. The other day I contacted him and he was being very short. I asked if I could call later, just to chit chat and he said he'd let me know, but never did.

 

It's been a week and still nothing. When we were talking often, he invited me to his family reunion in July. I'm not sure if it still applies now. I also don't know if he's possibly started dating or has become interested in someone else. And I can't ask if he doesn't give me the opportunity to talk.

 

I'm asking for any thoughts at all on any of this. Please. I need all the help I can get.

[Crank]

sounds like youll be running around in circles alot

[Camacho22]

My ex boyfriend of 3 years did the same thing to me he'd come stay at my house after moving out but never gave me the true reason why he said he wanted to still be together. It's mind games pretty much

[LovelyDani87]

It sucks but try your best to move forward, he's full of it and is probably out playing the field while keeping you on the back burner. My ex did the very same thing to me including backing out of recent plans. Don't let him continue to drag you through the dirt.

[Serenity585]

It sucks but try your best to move forward, he's full of it and is probably out playing the field while keeping you on the back burner. My ex did the very same thing to me including backing out of recent plans. Don't let him continue to drag you through the dirt.

 

Thing is, he asked if I wanted to get back together when he was here and I said not yet. So I didn't ask him. I really didn't even say much it was all him. I'm not ready either. I want to be with him, but when we're better. Im fighting my own demons and I want to do that alone.

[Serenity585]

Where are you at now with your ex?

[abitbroken]

I would honestly leave him alone. I would not contact him anymore.

 

Firstly, he needs to go to therapy for HIM, not to be a better person for you.

 

Secondly, he told you that he would "come back for you". Don't chase him. That might be a way of giving you a bread crumb. Maybe go to therapy yourself. Move on with your life. Don't let him have you on a string. Get to the point where you are going on dates, but mostly, get a handle on your own depression. When you have the urge to call him - don't. You may find that when you are a stronger person - you are able to find someone who is strong himself.

 

I would write off getitng back together. Maybe someday, you will cross paths and be different people, but after a year, it seems like you guys are just not healthy for eachother.

[Raindrop22]

My advice for someone who had last words such as "some day" or anything similar would be... to hurry and heal and move along.

When I say move along, I mean get back your independence, get happy as heck, be the best you during this time and whenever he thinks he's ready, you can decide at that happy moment in your life if you want him back.

 

You don't want him to come back to you while you're stagnant.

 

Regardless of what the truth is.

Time makes you older, wiser, and changes you. Truth!

 

someday y'all will cross paths (maybe) and well you'd want to be that best version of you in that moment.

[Serenity585]

That's what I'm thinking, honestly. I want to be able to be the best version of myself for me above anything and also for him. We were already extraordinary together, but I feel like with time and distance, we can be even better.

[Raindrop22]

Yeah this could be like the most epic romantic story. Reminds me kind of like gossip girl! They always come back to each other.

It's a beautiful thing!

You can look at it however you want and people on here will say many things but you know best.

He still holds a torch for you in his heart, it's just all timing.

Live up your life and use this moment to catapult you to the best version of you.

 

What's meant to be will always find its way.

[Serenity585]

It is epic I'm not going to lie. And I'm not one to just give up. I would just like to know what he's thinking. But even if I asked, I'll never know. But I do think that this may be a blessing in disguise. Him not talking to me is making me look at myself more and improve things about me that I know I need to work on. I know our paths will meet soon. It's inevitable given some circumstances. I only hope that he isn't using this time to second guess me. In my heart I know that I'm the one for him and he's the one for me. He even said those things. Timing is a son of a gun.

[Wiseman2]

Where does he live now? Have you heard from him? How long does he expect you to wait until he works on himself ?

I dated my ex for over a year. He got distant all the time, sometimes wouldn't talk to me. We lived together. He moved away 3 months ago and a few weeks later he called and broke up with me. I contacted him and we agreed to meet. He wants to be with me again in the future, when he's a better person and ready to give me all that I need. The other day I contacted him and he was being very short. I asked if I could call later, just to chit chat and he said he'd let me know, but never did. I would just like to know what he's thinking. I know our paths will meet soon.

[Serenity585]

He lives about 10 hours away. I haven't heard from him in over a week. And I don't even know if he expects me to wait. He never asked me to. When I told him I would, he didn't tell me not to.

[abitbroken]

He lives about 10 hours away. I haven't heard from him in over a week. And I don't even know if he expects me to wait. He never asked me to. When I told him I would, he didn't tell me not to.

 

Don't wait. Meet new people.

[Serenity585]

I have and I'm just not interested. I'm not gonna waste my time or theirs.

[Shane Falco]

I have and I'm just not interested. I'm not gonna waste my time or theirs.

 

You will be interested in time with more healing. In the interim focus on other things, like picking up a new hobby or project, hanging out with friends, making new friends, exercising a bit more. Recovery is hard, therefore it's important you come up with things to do other than just waiting around.

[abitbroken]

I have and I'm just not interested. I'm not gonna waste my time or theirs.

 

Then don't date. hang out with friends until you are ready to date. But when he wanted to stop dating to work on himself, its a "nice" way of saying its over - to let you down easy. They don't have to say you aren't working out with eachother or they don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now - they can just say they have too many issues to be a good man for you.

 

Forget about how things work on TV. he does not want to be in a relationship and he's 10 hours away.

[Serenity585]

Yeah, logically I know we can't work right now. And emotionally too. We're both in no position. I have faith in what we have even though we're not together. I'm not going to contact him for a while. It's been two weeks. I've gone two months before. In a way I'm grateful for this time and distance. When he was here he told me he wants me to be his future. When the time is right. I know the time isn't right and I don't want to force things. But I'm also not the kind to just give up on people. I also know I have to let him be a man and that means letting him come back on his own accord, if he ever does. Men feel better about things if they're the ones deciding to do them.