Overprotectiveness pushing me over the edge

[tough_girl]

My parents have been very overprotective lately.

 

They think they're treating me like a daughter but I don't feel like a daughter to them. I feel like an object that should be protected and that I have no emotions. If they could, I think they'd lock me in a safe or put me in a bank. It's getting me very depressed and they don't seem to understand.

 

Apart from that, school has been getting very stressful lately and there are times I feel like quitting. Without the support and trust of my parents or friends, I feel so helpless and I was very suicidal a few days ago.

 

I'm going to be 16 in two months and they get very irritated when I talk about male friends. They even lectured me for the online contacts I have. I understand that some of these are dangerous but then, I expected to have more of their trust.

 

I don't remember my brother having these problems. Just because I'm a girl, they feel the need to protect me. They're deciding for me. Although they said that I should make my own choices, they are constantly telling me what to do and what to be.

 

Besides that, they hurt my pride. My mum is always telling me how much nicer daughters my friends are than me although she barely knows them. My parents don't care about how I feel unless I cry in front of them or tell them I'm going suicide or something. By then, they'd go on telling me how stupid I am for making such a decision.

 

What am I supposed to do? I can't believe I've already gotten depressed so many times this week.

[MetallicAguy]

Everyone thinks about suicide in th teenage years, it's not the answer you will hurt so many people if you do it; it's not the answer. I think you should tell your parents how you feel, like tell them everything. And in the worst case if they don't care which would be really odd, you can talk to your school counselor about how to get your life back on track.

[Jimbo10]

The key is as follows

 

Keep your cool!

 

If you flip out and go around saying: "Let me go to the dance with Jimmy or I'll kill myself" they'll treat you the age someone who'd say that would be: A little kid

 

If you act more calme, and more mellow, they will treat you the age of someone who'd do that: An adult

 

Listen, my friend is just starting to get over a really bad case of moma's boy/over protection. He is winning an uphill war by being calme. If he is done an injustice, he looks at his mom/dad in the face and says, "that's not right" or "no"

 

The most commonly used frase by teenagers is..geuss what.."that's not fair". Basically, it is usless, about as usless as the words sorry are to a chick who just got cheated on; catch my drift? So don't bother with it.

 

Try saying other stuff in a respectfull manor. Comprimise, and handle everything like an adult. The sooner you act that way, the sooner they will treat you that way.

 

Good luck!

Jimbo

[Ghalerine]

you know what.. those words you said.. it's almost the same with what i've said when i was your age.. and you know what.. i just laugh whenever i remember all those crap i've said..

what i'm trying to say is.. it's normal that you feel that way.. almost all teenagers do.. but believe me.. your parents are not being OVER protective.. they're just giving you the protection you need at your age.. why? are they still accompanying you to school.. waiting you there til you're done with your class? are they making a print of the schedules of all your activities for the whole day and the whole week? are they giving personal info sheet to those who wanted to befriend you to be able to know each one of them? and that only those who passed their standards would be your friends? or are they tapping some device on your phone to be able to listen to every conversation you're making with your friends? i believe your anwer to these questions would be NO..

don't ever think that we just don't understand you.. coz we do.. we've been there.. and we're just trying to make things easier for you.. it isn't your parents trusting you more that you need now.. it is you understanding your parents.. believe me.. all these ideas you're having.. they are just ideas not facts..

stop thinking about these ideas.. it's not healthy.. try to appreciate those things your parents are doing for you.. it'll help you overcome that feeling..

also.. think of what you've said.. you said you parents are over protective then you said that they don't care for you.. did you realize how odd those statements are?

[MsMe]

I am the product of overprotective parents. Believe me, they are not doing you any favors by comparing you to other people. Speaking to a trusted teacher or counselor at school might help. This is an age of growth and change and ideally it should be done under the guidance and love of the parents. However, we don't live in an ideal world. It is critical for parents to be involved in their teenager's lives, but not in a stifiling manner. It's all about balance. An objective, professional person might help you sort out these issues. All the best to you !

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey there tough girl!

 

I know how your feeling. I'll be 16 in two weeks and I'm scared because it's when my parents are allowed to through me out if they feel. I know their not going to but I hate that they have the power over me.

 

I have the exact problems with my parents. My dad still tells me to "watch the road!" everytime I go out. Or my mum tells me to wear warmer clothes when I have a shirt on that shows my stomach a little.

 

I fully understand about school. with exams and college ect ...

 

Have you tried telling your parents you need more freedom? I sometimes have to point out to mine that I'm going be 16 not 6. Then it's comes as a shock when they realise how they have been protecting me.

 

Suicide isn't the answer. I'm sure a lot of people will tell you that. Things can only get better.

 

I hope things work out for you I really do. I know exactly how you are feeling.

 

Take care!!

Miya

[DN]

As the father of two daughters, now adults, I can tell you that the teenage years are very stressful for parents as well. You go from having this little person who looks upon you as their whole world to this complete stranger who views you as the enemy. You know what dangers are out there, you know that girls have been lured, abused and killed by people they met online, you know that girls get seduced, pregnant and abandoned with a baby at a time when they can't properly look after it; you know that a good education is one of the many keys to happiness in our society - and you hate their music.

 

And so you struggle through it, with your own worries and pressures: trying to keep your job, pay the bills, keep your marriage functioning and happy, have some sort of social life and know that one of the people in your life that you love the most manifests every sign of hating you because you are trying your best to both protect them and also prepare them for the world at the same time.

 

You just hope that they also love you, and that your worries about being a failure as a parent prove groundless. And mostly they do, they become adults, and you suddenly find they are actually turning to you for advice, and sometimes they even take it.

 

And then suddenly you realise that they are not only your children but are now your friends as well.

 

And then, one day, they have adorable little kids of their own, and you watch them play with their babies - and you have their little secret smile that you don't let them see. The one that says: "your turn is coming!!"

[tough_girl]

I guess I can understand what and how my parents feel a little bit right now but everybody has their own life. I want to have my own life, I want to control it, I want to make my own mistakes and I want to have my own histories. Humans makes mistakes and sometimes the easiest way for them to learn is through mistakes. I don't think I'd like someone else to make decisions for me.

 

Then, after this I notice that my depression does not come from overprotectiveness. It's because I don't feel human anymore. I have an older brother whom my parents love very much. He's in another country at the moment so I guess I'm just a replacement of him. If I'm not, then why do they make me feel that way. They're making me act like him, they are comparing me to him and he's always their number one no matter what he does. So, you can imagine his arrogance when he gets back.

 

I can't stand it! I don't feel like I have a family. I feel so alienated all the time. Even my friends make me feel alienated.

[DN]

If everyone is making you feel alienated, friends and family, then perhaps it is something in you that needs attention. some self analysis could be required her. Look within yourself to see what you need to make you feel better. Ask yourself tough questions: are you over-reacting to normal events and questions, what is lacking in your life interestwise that you can do something about.

 

Consider your well being a project that you have to work on - not other people working on you while you sit passively back.

 

and if you are reacting badly when your parents talk to you you will not convince them of your maturity and need for less protection.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I guess it's one of these things we wont understand until we are parents ourselves.

Miya

[Jimbo10]

I guess it's one of these things we wont understand until we are parents ourselves.

Miya

 

That's probably the truth.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Yeah. I have to admit my mum and dad make decisions that annoy me and I think they just want to ruin my life.

 

However looking back on some of those decisions I see how much I appreciate it now and how selfish I was towards them. Parents have tough jobs being parents, so yeah I can understand so much of their parental guidance. I just don't know it at that specific moment in time.

Miya