Was this cheating?

[nikhilgore]

So I have an interesting tale which I have always wondered if it was cheating? So I was dating this girl for about a year and then was contacted by my ex coz her husband was going to beat her. So I spoke to her and basically calmed her down and cleared up the situation between her and her husband. Oh btw she is on the east coast and im on the west coast. Anyways after that conversation we kept on talking and I didnt tell my current girl about it. She basically started emailing/calling/IM'ing me about how she wanted me back and I just basically told her no comment. Its not that I wanted her but she had dumped me and I was still ticked off about it. Anyhow she kept on emailing me love letters etc. So finally my current girl found out about this and dumped me. I tried to explain to her that I wasnt interested in my ex and I hadnt seen her for 3 years ( at this point it was 2 years into my current relationship). Still she thought this wasnt worth saving which really bummed me out coz I had stood by her though all the agony her family put her through and was thinking up long term plans with her.

 

So my question is did I cheat??? Please explain your opinion

[sisterlynch]

I think that you maybe allowed a married woman to believe that she stood a chance with you by allowing her to still write to you....but you were single then, right?

 

Later the girl who broke up with you was upset that you had been party to adultery??

 

If that isn't correct, then I don't know...

[DN]

I think it is possible that your g/f may have been looking for a reason and that was the excuse.

 

It's hard to say without knowing the context and content of the e-mails. But I think it is fairly easy to stop communicating with someone, especially when you are the breadth of the country apart. Perhaps that is why she was mad.

 

Are you hoping that you will get back together or are you just asking for reassurance that you did not cheat?

 

I do not think it was cheating as such but it was probably not wise

[MetallicAguy]

That's not cheating, that's just caring for someone else at hardship. Cheating is basically pursuing another partner instead of your current one and they don't agree with it. So that's not cheating.

[nikhilgore]

Yes in a way I did allow a married woman to believe that there might be something more but she literally wanted to fly me out to her to sleep with her NSA which I did not take her up on. The emails I dont remember but I know they were just one line replies from me to a one page email from her. I did talk to her on the phone about 2-3 times a week.

 

Also I am not looking to get back together with her (my current ex). Single life has been more interesting and I'm meeting great new people everyday. I just want to figure out if I did cheat. I dont feel I cheated but people have their own opinions.

 

I'm just the kind of guy who cannot sleep with someone who I am not emotionally involved with. For eg last night I went out for a friends birthday and there was this one girl who asked me if I wanted to have a one night stand to which I refused. Also the birthday girl wanted me to kiss her and I did - on the cheek.

[DN]

There is also the difference between physical cheating and emotional cheating. It is possible to emotionally cheat your partner by spending time flirting, exchanging confiidences, etc with someone other than your partner. If those activities are intense enough to interfere with your emotional connection to your partner it is a form of cheating. A relationship is about more than physical connection; there is an emotional connection as well. And it is easy to violate that with another if you are not careful. Your girlfriend may have understood that and that is why she left.

[mt_joy]

I don't think you were cheating in a physical way, but you were in an emotional way. You did not try to stop your ex from sending all these love letters or anything. I believe that if you tell someone you do not reciprocate their feelings, they will back off. So your gf probably thought there was something going on.

[mscolly]

I think you were cheating, in as much as there was deception. Your girlfriend found out by herself about these love letters you'd been receiving. Why did she have to find out, hadn't you been telling her from the very start that your ex had been in contact with you, and what sort of things she was saying? Why was it kept secret from your then current girlfiend? It appears that YOU thought there was something to hide from her. That's cheating.

[nikhilgore]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I see how this is can be considered as emotional cheating even though I did not have any plans for doing anything with my ex. However coming from my gf's point of view I can see this is being an emotional let down. Gosh I wish I hadnt made this mistake but I think I am a better person now that you guys have helped me understand the problem.

 

PS: Sorry for hijacking this thread for my own devices but I thought my question was very relevant.

[Day_Walker]

I do not consider that cheating because you had not intentions with your ex she was simply pouring her heart out to you. You were there to listen, your mistake was not telling your gf.

[Iceman26]

I dont think what you did would be considered cheating, it was deceitful. If you are in a relationship, all contact with the exes should stop.

 

No offense, but if I were dating someone that did the same thing you did, I would have dumped them too. It was done behind your girlfriends back, and I think if you had told her about it, things might have gone a different way.

 

I guess the best question to ask yourself in any situation like yours when you are dating someone is how would you feel if they did that to you?

 

Good luck with meeting new people!