Query - Too Many Red Flags Too Work?

[Ccottom]

This is about a relationship that i just ended and i feel absolutly like s**t right now, ive noted that other guys are jumping into my spot with her while im stuck working away from anybody i know in the middle of nowhere, no friends, no family, no work-mates nearby (im in a foreign country, in a field on a computer all day). Ive started to think i was looking through rose tinted glasses at the whole relationship though. Ill brief all the red flags that came up with this relationship.

 

When we first started talking and first met my first thoughts were "absolutly stunning" but it wasnt "my type" but still she was gorgeous so i went for it, we had so much in similar, foods, goals in life for travel and money, even little things like we really enjoy the same artistic films and books that ive never heard of anyone else seeing or reading before.

 

However:

 

She talked about how she never wants to get married because its so final with someone - im into the belief that i want to get married and find that person that you want to share a life with.

 

She said she never wants children because they ruin a life - I want children eventually one day, part of myself that i can raise and teach the facts of life and be a family.

 

All her stories of "fun" times in her life involved her getting messed up on drugs with her friends or ridiculously drunk and things happening - There is nothing i hate more than girls that use drugs, I used to deal and it would disgust me seeing how messed up people were and how it destroyed lives and a lot of my friends are addicts and ive seen things i wish i hadnt because of it.

 

She went to university and spent the whole time partying, drinking and taking drugs, she failed her degree and left with the fees and accomodation in debt - I like girls with motivation, who arent irresponsible, who want to succeed and know the difference between being an idiot and "living life".

 

She lived an hour away, a standard meet would be i drive the hour to pick her up, drive her back to mine, hang out at mine, drive her back to hers and then drive back to mine. 4 hours driving for her per night. This is when i worked 8am to 5pm and tried to fit being in the gym as much as i could too.

 

Her dream was to go travelling with her friend (a complete drug addict who got her into the drug life and still encourages it in her) and then move in together in the capital city. She was always hesitant to do anything with me and would keep me secret from social media and when talking to this girl just so this girl didnt think she was going to ditch her for a bf (understandable) - but i wanted a girl that was happy to show off she had a bf, didnt care what friends would think and would be proud to say im hers.

 

I told her that a move to the capital is 300km away, there is no way we would be together, she resentfully "chose me" but still talked with her friend about moving and everything. She told me it was to keep her happy but she had no intention. She then repeatedly told me she resented me and that shes given up everything she wanted when she was at uni for me. (A move to the capital where rent is £1000 for a single room, when you have no job, no qualifications, no savings is not going to produce the best quality of life. She wanted to go for a few months and expect me to sit and wait, i told her its unfeasible, she said i was controlling her).

 

There were so many arguments that we had, that i felt bad for causing but when i look back i didnt do anything. For example i posted a video of a toy duck 'club dancing' behind a pig dancing that i videoed in a toy shop and captioned it "when guys are in the club thinking they have a hot girl". My mate commented saying "its you This was argued about then for 4 months following.

Another example i said "My mate Sam thinks hes the best at pulling, he always says we should watch him he'll show us how its done!" This was a massive argument for the next few weeks that I am still clearly trying to pull in a club.

 

Are these red flags that you would have ended it on, any of these? At the time i thought, a gorgeous girl interested in me, we share the same likes even the quirky ones that nobody else has. Yes she has different opinions but im sure if im good enough she will change her mind.

 

What would anyone else have done?

[Clinton]

Yes move on.its a disaster

[Ccottom]

Thankyou, i am moving on, but in my current situation its hard

[fitgirl]

Sorry, but it sounds like being gorgeous is about all she has going for her at this point. I would continue to let her loose to go live the carefree life she obviously wants. You seem far more mature and you have ambition and clearly a lot of patience (seeing as how you put up with this for quite a while).

[jeepers]

As long as she knows why you want to end the relationship tell her why and she has to change if you still really care about her. But honestly she most likely won't unless she feels the same way about you. Which it sounds like she isn't. But you never know until you tell he EXACTLY what you want.

[Ccottom]

Sorry, but it sounds like being gorgeous is about all she has going for her at this point. I would continue to let her loose to go live the carefree life she obviously wants. You seem far more mature and you have ambition and clearly a lot of patience (seeing as how you put up with this for quite a while).

 

 

I was sat here thinking about it and i thought to myself we had so much chemistry and no compatibility, with where we were in our maturity, personal development and so forth. Then i googled it and bam! tonnes of material on chemistry and compatibility, reading it i felt so much better.

 

Same interests, wanting to do the same things, the ability to talk 24/7 and never get bored etc. It all was chemistry and who cares, i will get that again in the future, theres 3.5b girls on the planet, im sure i share some interests with a few more of them.

 

Compatibility is key, thats what we lacked really, and thats the big thinks like what you want in the future, your background, life at present, even working hours, what they do to unwind.

 

Its sad to think that someone that i shared so much with is now gone but when i look back at the arguments they were all based around compatibility. And that is something that cannot be achieved with working on anything.

[Ccottom]

As long as she knows why you want to end the relationship tell her why and she has to change if you still really care about her. But honestly she most likely won't unless she feels the same way about you. Which it sounds like she isn't. But you never know until you tell he EXACTLY what you want.

 

Before the argument that resulted in me ending it, she said to me "i love you so much and dont want to lose you, ive been so confused, i feel like the right person at the wrong time".

 

Its true though, someone with perfect chemistry, just living completely different lives. The living a mission away, her working nights and me basing my life around that, sacrificing so much for each other to try and make us work. If we were compatible it would fall together, no sacrifice needed.