Was there commitment issues? Another guy? What!?

[boltnrun]

If you send her a "nice" birthday wish she's either going to find it annoying ("why doesn't he just LEAVE ME ALONE??!!") or amusing ("jeez, seriously? Get over it already!")

 

She's probably not going to think "Wow, what a nice birthday wish! He's SO much better than this shiny new guy I'm seeing!"

 

Don't give her (or the both of them) the opportunity to laugh or scoff at you.

[Capricorn3]

So, I WILL be giving her that birthday wish tomorrow, the nicest one she's ever gotten, as my final reminder of what she gave up on and will never get back and I AM moving on.

Yes, you are right, it WILL remind her what she gave up because it comes across as a guy who just doesn't get the message, who just won't stop, won't give up even after she broke and and wants nothing to do with you anymore. It comes across as desperate and pathetic...ALL of which will just confirm why she left in the first place.

 

Big mistake, but I have a feeling that won't stop you.

 

Also, "is most-likely searching for "me" in him and she won't find it.": I highly doubt she is looking for "you in him". She found him because of the fact that he IS different. If she wanted someone the same as you she would have stayed with you. She didn't.

[JustAGoodGuy]

If you send her a "nice" birthday wish she's either going to find it annoying ("why doesn't he just LEAVE ME ALONE??!!") or amusing ("jeez, seriously? Get over it already!")

 

She's probably not going to think "Wow, what a nice birthday wish! He's SO much better than this shiny new guy I'm seeing!"

 

Don't give her (or the both of them) the opportunity to laugh or scoff at you.

 

To be honest, I don't really care what she thinks or makes of it. It doesn't matter what her reaction is because there won't be one from me. I'm ending it on a positive note for my own peace of mind. I'm walking away the better person.

 

Lol "shiny new guy" that's funny.

[boltnrun]

To be honest, I don't really care what she thinks or makes of it. It doesn't matter what her reaction is because there won't be one from me. I'm ending it on a positive note for my own peace of mind. I'm walking away the better person.

 

Lol "shiny new guy" that's funny.

 

"So, I WILL be giving her that birthday wish tomorrow, the nicest one she's ever gotten, as my final reminder of what she gave up on and will never get back"

 

You DO care what she thinks, or you wouldn't want to "remind" her of what she "gave up on and will never get back".

 

You're sending her the wish hoping she reacts.

 

But hey, if you really want to then go ahead. My guess is it won't make her react the way you think she will, but if you're moving on for real it won't matter, right?

[JustAGoodGuy]

But hey, if you really want to then go ahead. My guess is it won't make her react the way you think she will, but if you're moving on for real it won't matter, right?

 

Exactly right. It doesn't matter if I'm moving on.

 

Despite most of your advice, I did do it and it felt great. She reacted exactly how I expected her to react...and then some. It wasn't a big, long, sappy, romantic "nice birthday wish" to "make her come running back". I simply plopped one of our happiest memories together in her head and wished her the best. I kept it positive and she was really appreciative. I'm sure it meant alot more to her than all the generic "happy birthday" wishes I'm sure she's most definitely getting on facebook. It even led to a conversation with her which I promptly cut short while things were positive.

I AM moving on, but it felt good removing some of the negative emotions that've been associated with each other throughout the breakup. That cloud was weighing heavily on me and that's why I chose to do it.

[Capricorn3]

So, now that you got it out of your system by sending her birthday wishes and talking to her, I am assuming you'll be done with her now?

[lindy2016]

She was the person that stopped me from going down that path and I don't want to go back down it. I've always had low self-esteem, no confidence, and I'm really shy at 1st so meeting new people is difficult. It gives me anxiety. She ended up bringing out the best in me and I was no longer like that. Now I'm back to square one. To be honest, I don't know how she saw anything in me with those traits but she did. She saw that deep down I'm a good person with a good heart and she pursued me until my "walls" came down for her.

 

Stop and think about this one part of what you wrote: you stated you have low self-esteem, no confidence, anxiety and then you comment that SHE brought out the best in YOU. Unfortunately, this is called being co-dependant. You are focusing so hard on how she made you feel, that you are ignoring taking care of yourself with all the great self-resources you already have at your fingertips. This resonates with me because I married a man who made me feel beautiful and confident and sexy and I was married to him for 23 years. It was a long 23 years because he was also a sociopathic liar. I had a huge adjustment to make when I divorced him. It is some of the hardest work you will do to believe in yourself, work on improving your self-esteem, work on getting your anxiety under control and finding reasons to live a full, happy, positive life with an open and confident heart. Don't let what has come to pass ruin your future. You are a dear soul and you deserve a happy future.

 

I think for such a young girl she did a very sweet and tender thing in telling you she still loves you as a friend but that she also identified what she needs independent of you. Take a cue from this. Go out and figure out for yourself what YOU need for YOU in a relationship that isn't just "she makes me feel . . ". Think of things like: "I want to be with a woman who has a sense of humor, who is emotionally mature, who is patient and kind-hearted and IN RETURN I will bring the following things to the relationship: a good sense of who I am and my strengths/goals/ambitions; an open and loving heart that is vulnerable AND strong enough to hear 'you aren't the one' if that turns out to be the case; a healthy lifestyle that includes good daily self-care like eating healthy, walking/jogging/other exercise five days a week, and staying on top of my own emotional health; and the ability to believe in myself when I encounter bumps in the road of life enough to pick myself up, learn from my challenges, and be an even better person than I am today when tomorrow arrives."

 

I am much, much older than you. I'm in my 50s. Why should that matter to you? Because I was that girl at 17 once. I was in love with a man who was four years older than me. We had a falling out when I was 19 (instead of 17) and we painfully went our separate ways. We both learned so much from this because we both rebounded and fell in love again. I am fortunate enough to know this man today and he is still a dear friend. Believe me, a dear friend of the opposite sex is a good thing to have in the wings over a span of 30 years or more as long as you both honor the boundaries so you can both also have healthy marriages/relationships. I know you haven't had to "live that one" yet, but I have. I am giving you my advice for a happy life because what you wrote seems pure and sweet to me and because I was in love with an older man when I was young and know that sometimes that love does mean a lot to a young girl. I was not ready at 19 to settle down and get married; he was. But I have never forgotten my man. I bet your girl will never forget you either. Put it behind you, put a smile on your face at the thought of the happy memories and go out and make your own happy life. Just don't shut the door to the next great girl that is out there because you will be surprised at how fast she will pop up once your focus is on creating a balanced, happy life from the standpoint of being a man with improved self-esteem.