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So, my girlfriend and I were watching tv and she has an app on her phone for chromecast to work. I glanced at it and noticed an email address which I never knew about. I asked her about it and she said her daughter probably subscribed to that email. I knew that seemed like a lie so I googled it and found multiple posts made by her on this adultfriendfinder website. It was very disturbing to me because the pictures she showed on this website were sexual ones and she also posted comments about sex and things like that. She talked about "the weekends here. What to do? Vanilla dance club? Private party? Local fun? I don't even know what a vanilla dance club is. Now, she told me she once tried online dating but I just figured it was match.com or something like that, not some hookup site where you have sex with strangers. I also want to say that I'm not judging anyone, that's just not the type of person I want to be in a relationship with. Personally, for me it's just wrong but thats just me. I looked for her profile online after making my own profile but I couldn't find it yet all the posts that she's made are still found in the google search engine. After doing all this investigating I felt disgusted. I thought more highly of her and was now disappointed. I left for work and didn't say anything to her. She asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. Later that day she called me and asked what was wrong and I told her. She became very angry with me for spying on her. Was I wrong? I knew when I saw that email address that there was something like that behind it. Now I've lost respect for her and she is mad at me for spying. Seems like the relationship is over at this point which really sucks because I thought she was the "one". What should I do?

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If the posts are in the public realm, where anyone could see them - it's hardly fair of her to accuse you of spying. If you'd checked her phone or computer without her permission, that would have been different.


You now need to respect her right to advertise herself on a hookup site, lie about it and then get angry with you. Accept that you have different value systems and - more importantly, have the self-respect to wish her well and walk away.


Dating is a time for finding out about your partner, what's important to them and makes them tick - and it sounds as though this one incident tells you everything you need to know.

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How old were those postings you found on Google? It could be that she just tried that site out of curiosity, and didn't actually meet anyone in person. Of course it could also be the worst case scenario and she did all those things, in which case I don't blame you for being disgusted by her. But I think you first need to get her to tell you the truth (if possible) before making any decisions.

I don't think you were wrong to "spy". You didn't spy, anyone would have done the same thing upon smelling something was off and stumbling across that suspicious email address. It would have been irresponsible NOT to go searching deeper. Her reaction could mean that she does indeed have a not-so-proper past, but it could also mean that she was embarrassed that you came across it, if it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing to satisfy her curiosity. She obviously tried to delete any traces of her presence on that site, but didn't realize Google keeps that info until requested to remove it, and even then it takes a while.


Try to have a honest talk with her, calm and non accusatory, and get the deeper facts. If after that you still feel you can no longer trust her and that the relationship is broken, then there is nothing else to do than move on.

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that's just not the type of person I want to be in a relationship with.
When you have the mindset that you do, then I don't think it would matter much to you if the posts were years/decades old. The very fact that she'd join is enough for you to lose respect for her, followed by your attraction to her waning.


Get on with dating so that you can find someone who doesn't freak out your personal sensibilities. There is No sense going forward with her and she should understand as you are fundamentally incompatible and there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to go forward if she has crossed your personal boundaries. Its your call.


Forget her bein mad... too bad.

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