charliesmomj Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I was set up through a co-worker with a guy she has known for years. She said I was exactly what he was looking for, and when he saw me on Facebook and was interested she knew she had to set us up long story short I agreed to meet him platonically. But as soon as he walked into the restaurant fireworks happened. We had a whirlwind romance, we talked about retirement which is 20 years away. We talked about his kids that are older having babies someday... and him helping me raise my young children as his own. He has a very high stress job which requires a lot of hours. He was used to working 10 hr days 6 or 7 days a week when we started dating, but cut back on his weekend hours to be with me. (I didnt ask) But last week he got sick AND his hours picked up and he is now having to work 12/7..he says for about the next 6 weeks. He just told me this yesterday....and instead of giving us a chance of working it out, he got distant. I tried to talk to him, but I felt he was trying to avoid that talk....i love this man, and I am pretty sure he loves me too. When I asked him if I was in this more than he is, he said no, that he cares so much for me, but that this will be his reality for the next 6 weeks.....when i asked him what he wanted to do I got no response......so i took that as my sign to give him time. I sent him this: If you want to call me at some point to talk about things, i will answer. But at this point, I am leaving it right here. Im going to keep living my life, and focusing on all of the other things I have going on. Just know that I don't want to be strung along with i miss you texts, and good morning baby's. I know what I want. If you figure out someday, that what you want is me, call me. Maybe we could try again. I didn't get a response. He keeps checking my snapchat story, like several times a day, but we have had NC. The co-worker who set us up asked him what happened, that I was perfect for him. His response was "yes she is. I like her a lot, bit with all of the hours I have to work I don't feel like I can give her all of the time and attention that she deserves." Short and sweet. Why couldn't he tell me that? Why did he make me walk away? I am inlove with him.....so my question is....if he comes back, what and how do I handle it? Should I continue NC right now and wait to see ifnhe comes back? HELP! Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I didnt understand, is he just busy or did you break up? Link to comment
charliesmomj Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 EXACTLY.....i have no idea lol im stuck in this Limbo....i love him, and i have no plans on dating anytime soon, especially not in the next 6 weeks...i wasn't even looking to date him, let alone fall for him Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 i love this man, and I am pretty sure he loves me too. When I asked him if I was in this more than he is, he said no, that he cares so much for me, but that this will be his reality for the next 6 weeks.....when i asked him what he wanted to do I got no response......so i took that as my sign to give him time. I sent him this: Why couldn't he tell me that? Why did he make me walk away? I am inlove with him.....so my question is....if he comes back, what and how do I handle it? Should I continue NC right now and wait to see ifnhe comes back? How long have the two of you been dating? It's pretty obvious that you have invested more in the relationship then him. "Assuming" that he loves you, and not knowing for sure is a sign that it wasn't a strong relationship. Nor, the fact that he answered your questions through your friend, and not you. The "I'm too busy working" excuse might make sense if it's early in the dating stage, but is a "cop out" if the two of you are in a relationship. Besides, it's only for 6 weeks, which isn't a big deal. There's something going on here that he's not telling you. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Not replying to your message means he's decided to move on...no matter what he said to your co-worker. I agree with the poster who said he must be hiding something...it can't be just about being 'too busy' when we're talking about 6 weeks only. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 How long were you dating? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 According to your latest threads, you've only been dating for a period of 5 weeks. As we've already told you, you're moving way too fast, as well as setting yourself up for failure. Either way, it sounds like it's over, and it may also be helpful to figure out why you're getting attached too quickly. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 if it's 5 weeks relationshil then slow down,you're moving too fast. Give him some space. 5 weeks into relationship is the time where you're supposed to get each other known more and that doesnt mean hanging out 24-7, and you really cant expect him to put you before his work 5 weeks into relationship. Link to comment
charliesmomj Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Either way, it sounds like it's over, and it may also be helpful to figure out why you're getting attached too quickly. I don't ever get attached....that's what hurts....I have been single for 2 years...i have been on many dates, with several men, including my first love, my best friend of 6 years, online strangers, etc.....i haven't felt a connection like this one since I met my ex husband (8 yr relationship)...and even then, this one was stronger. It was completely unexpected, I was happy being single. I have a very busy, fulfilled life, govt job, my own business, girl scout leader, 2 kids age 7 and 3.....i was in an amazing place. So to meet this man and for things to have just clicked like they did (and yes it was fast, but I followed his lead) swept me off my feet. You can say that 5 weeks is too little time to really know someone, but we spent so much time together, we never watched tv or anything. We made dinners together, would talk for hours at the table, on the couch, saturday mornings, we would wake up at 7am but lay there talking and laughing until lunch....i dont regret the speed or anything that has happened, because it was never forced on either end... and I have felt more in 5 weeks than I felt in any relationship in my past. I know he feels the same way. He works in the auto industry, and they work ridiculous hours. I have had many wives and ex wives and even men themselves say that maintaining a relationship in this career is tough. Spouses and even children come 2nd and 3rd....he has talked to me about his workload and asked me if his hours bothered me before (when they were only 48-60 hrs per week) of course they didnt bc he prioritized his free time with his kids on the days he had them, and with me on the days he didnt. Now that he is working 12/7....there is barely time for him to eat and sleep.... I know what I feel is real, and I know he feels it too, I don't question it at all.....I just don't know what to do now.....everyone agrees he will contact me soon....thats why i am asking how do approach this when he does.... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 When I asked him if I was in this more than he is, he said no, that he cares so much for me, but that this will be his reality for the next 6 weeks.....when i asked him what he wanted to do I got no response...... When one truly cares for someone they find the time, and make the time, rather than make excuses. I'm sorry but I believe you're making excuses for him and are in denial, as well. In any event, I understand this is not what you want to hear, yet I do hope you find your way. Link to comment
charliesmomj Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 There's something going on here that he's not telling you. He got arrested for a DWI a month before we met.....his first offense. He doesn't know I know....i don't think anyone knows. I goodgled his name and found it.....his court date is 3.10.16......he has an attorney, and chances are he will have to do an alcohol treatment class thing over a weekend coming up and may even have his license restricted where he can only drive to and from work for 30 days.....funny how 30 days and his court date being in 2 weeks, adds up to 6 weeks...... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Five week relationship. Rushed, rushed, and more rushed. He walked away pretty ambiguously. He's got a DWI. I'd say it's time to move on to better prospects and take it slower in the future. Link to comment
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