Seeing her this week

[adviceplease2]

Going to the ultrasound this week with ex girlfriend that dumped me early January, end of her first trimester. Haven't spoken to her in two weeks as she has made it clear she's fine taking a step back from me, her words. She let me know when the appointment is, we'd already talked about this appointment months ago, finding out the gender....I'd always planned on being there.

 

Nervous to see her, love her. Going to ask her if she wants me take her shopping for baby stuff this weekend, as I finally won't have my kids, as they've started back their regular visitation schedule with their mother.

 

Really wish her attitude would change on this, I'd love to be helping her arrange furniture at her house, planning things for the baby etc. I've already started doing some rearranging at my house...I know my kids were a point of stress for her especially after she'd found out she was pregnant....but things are going back to how they were when we started dating, I'll have free weekends again...I can be there for her without my kids all the time now....but of course that's only if she'll allow me to be there....otherwise I'll just have to continue with my own arrangements at my house and make plans without her.

[DoF]

If you truely love her, you will respect her wishes and back off.

 

Just focus on the baby/child and keep your relationship on THAT level only.

 

Give it 3-6 months to heal/recover after the break up and start dating then.

 

DO NOT assume she will change her mind or take you back. Actually assume that she never will. It's easier/better that way.

 

As long as BOTH of you remain involved into the child's life, your child will be JUST fine! Just be around and be involved.

[adviceplease2]

I've already assumed she's not changing her mind. I've prepared myself for, even raising the baby on my own and her dating whomever she wants. I've never just assumed she'd flip and change....I don't expect it, I'm past that point now. I've grown resentful some for her turning this from a potentially happy time to one where I've had to convince myself I could be raising a baby on my own or just flat out giving her money and some other man raising my baby...I've gone through all the emotions now.

 

I've respected her wishes up to this point, don't plan on changing that. Will offer to take her shopping for baby stuff, if she declines...fine. I won't beat my head on a brick wall...I'm not the one that did the dumping.

[Clinton]

You're doing the right thing for your child. That's incredibly mature and I think it's great. So few adults do this after breakups.

 

I know it will hurt, but you're being the bigger man here. You just need to work through some of the anger which can be tough. Hang I, it slowly gets better.

 

I had to stay in contact with my ex for our kids sake. It was hard but it worked out well for the kids and I am incredibly happy with someone else now. You'll get there too.

[adviceplease2]

Thanks Clinton. Yeah, its going to hurt, I expect nothing but coldness and distance....and then hearing the heartbeat. I'm not sure what's going through her head, didn't really understand the break up in the first place honestly...we both had circumstances change quite a bit where our time together got strained...but that was always going to be temporary. She acted like I had done nothing for her, but didn't communicate anything to me until just being hateful and ending it all at once. I've been torn up over this and she knows it....but, as she put it then, my feelings aren't her priority....and that's fine, I never expected them to be with her pregnant, tired, hormonal, hateful etc.

 

But knowing if my kids will have a brother or sister...well....you know what, that's more important right now. I'd love to help her with her stuff, I've told her she doesn't have to do this alone....I've apologized for what I thought I did or didn't do....I figured out I wasn't good enough as I was...which was with my kids with me.

 

I don't plan on trying to make her fall for me again, if she actually did before....even though she told me I'd stolen her heart and how unexpected what she felt for me was....but hey, you don't want my help, fine. I'm too old to play games with my heart anymore. I hate the child will be brought into the world without a mom and a dad living together, but I'll do my best.

 

I'll even take care of her little girl that hugs me whenever she sees me. I can't help the circumstances that kept us from spending time together....her sleeping all the time...me having no free weekends from the visitation order I'd filed....it was a perfect whirlwind of stuff honestly.

 

Think the only thing that really bothers me now is....knowing how I feel about her, even now....and wondering where the person I fell for has gone. Never thought I'd give my heart to anyone again....and when I did...I wind up with a pregnant woman dumping me over stuff that was so trivial and silly that I couldn't believe it was happening....so much for communication.

 

But babe, you picked the wrong man if you think I'm just going to be a child support payer....I have custody of my kids from their mother....I'm not a bad dad....and you'll be seeing me for the rest of your life as our kid grows up. Our little girls wanted to be sisters....but you go do what you want...my house will be ready for the baby....if yours isn't, well, you know how to reach me.

[header]

You may need to re-evaluate how you've gotten yourself into a situation where you have children with 2 different women, who you are no longer with.

 

These types of patterns tend to repeat and you really don't want to go there.

[SpottiOtti]

I just wanted to say that I think what you're doing and the way you're handling this is very impressive. What a tough situation to be in.

 

If you feel like asking her whether she wants to go shopping and having her say "No" will set you back in your healing (it would be understandable if it did - hasn't been that long since the split), then I vote for not asking her. Just go to the appointment, keep it together, see how it goes and leave it at that. Actually, since she seems to be hellbent on taking her space right now, even if she agrees to go shopping it might end with fighting or something ugly which will also set you back emotionally.

[adviceplease2]

Header....I was married for 10+ years..kids were planned except the last one. But ive got custody of them so you preach on.

 

This one...we were in love...things happened....never expected her to dump me like she did. But guess what....im still here...will still be a father to this child. Just hope to work things out with her mother...preferably before shes born.

[adviceplease2]

Seeing her wasn't so bad. Her mom and little girl were there.....her little girl hugged me, wanted me to hold her the whole time, stayed with me the whole time. Her mom asked how I was, made a face to me about how difficult my ex, her daughter has been to live with, snapping at her all the time.

 

Told her the kids were back on a regular visitation, if she wanted to go shopping this weekend let me know....she said she's good right now....which I know, was basically a "no." We talked a bit, nothing too serious outside getting some things, making room for the baby. During ultrasound she made the comment that the baby must have my stubbornness, I told her the baby must have her grumpiness.

 

I told her if she changed her mind about shopping to let me know. Walked her to her car and we parted ways. Interestingly I'm not too bad, expected worse, hoped for better....but it was ok. She's tied to me for life, I'm tied to her for life, she invited me to the appointment, I'm talking about getting stuff, making room....instead of talking about things I'm just going to be me, prepare myself for the baby, continue to ask her and make sure she's taken care of and the baby....when the baby is born I'll still be here....she knows it.

 

I'll probably ask her to lunch every now and then, expecting a resounding no each time....but hey, I've got a baby girl coming so I need to work on some things. This woman will be the mother of my child....I love her....her little girl....our new baby....if she never wants me again or never wants to be the family I'd hoped we could be, well, she's missing out.