gracie808 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 While I was living in the US, I dated a guy who was the best friend of someone close to me. It was a great connection but the timing was awful. I just came out of a terrible breakup and was about to be assigned to a post in Asia. He was a newly divorced single dad with a toddler. I found out later he had always wanted to ask me out but I was always with someone. I thought he was pretty flaky with setting dates (he struck me as a brilliant but forgetful, absentminded type) and it just died a natural death when I moved three months later. No contact for three years. Cut to last November, he contacts me out of the blue that he was thinking of me. I had forgotten all about him, but our text exchanges were so funny and we kind of reconnected. He flew to see me in January, a 23-hour flight. Great connection - held hands as soon as we saw each other in the airport. Spent 4 days together and it was such a sweet, kind, great experience. Just really getting to know each other without our past dramas distracting us. I am still amazed it happened. On our last hour together, he asked me how I was feeling about all this. Which was surprising as he's usually a very reserved person. It took me by surprise. I choked and very stupidly gave a rundown of my busy schedule for the week (I'm a single, never-married driven person who is truly happy working my butt off) and steered the conversation somewhere else. Total facepalm moment. He kind of clammed up and left without us talking about this whole thing. I felt okay and happy with just having that great time with him. So now it is February. I am now tearing up whenever I hear Tony Bennett songs and finding that I miss him. What the hell! We still message from time to time, with some xo's and still sweet but he's not messaging as often. I think I blew it. Although when he has his daughter he pretty much doesn't message for days. I know I should know better than to be insecure about lulls in communication. Or maybe it was just a really expensive long-distance booty call? He is 46 and I am 40, so you'd think we'd be smarter and talk about our feelings for each other. I am visiting there in May to see family and friends and I am thinking I should tell him how I feel, or at least let him know I am visiting. Our mutual close friend can't figure it out either, saying he had asked about me repeatedly over the years but didn't expect him to all of a sudden come to see me. Gut feeling - there was something very real and worth pursuing there. I have a good feeling about him. Acccckk! I haven't had feelings for someone in a long time so this is all so strange. Thank you so much for reading this and letting me ramble on. If you've gone through the same thing, any words of wisdom would be great. -Gracie Link to comment
musicman777 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Well if you are really feeling this way about this guy you should tell him! I wouldn't wait. I would tell him as soon as possible, before even meeting. Don't let him slip away into someone else's arms. Link to comment
Clarisse Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Life is too short, you should definitely tell him how you feel. Don't wait until May, though. Email him. Tell him how much you're thinking about him and how much your last visit meant to you. Forty is not "old". You have a long life ahead of you! Go for it! Link to comment
gracie808 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Wow. I have never put my feelings on the line like that. I always wait for guy to say something first. I know you are both right, I just don't know if I have the courage. What is affecting my decision is that I haven't heard from him in about 8 days. He's on a trip with his siblings and daughter, but it does kind of make me hesitate. I did send him a dress shirt (he said he had needed some) with a sweet note (I had such a great time with you, thank you xoxo) that's arriving at his doorstep on Thursday. Maybe that's enough for now? See how he reacts? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Why don't you just tell him that you're going to be in his neck of the woods in May and you'd love to get together with him again then. Why would you spill your heart out after one "booty call?" If neither of you have any plans on moving a 23 hour plane ride away from friends and family then is there really any sense to making this more involved then it already is? You don't have feelings other then lust and infatuation so come on back down to earth ... at least for now. Link to comment
gracie808 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Interesting you mention "lust and infatuation". It made me reflect for a bit if that's really what this is. I don't think so. It was more of, a really comfortable meeting of the minds, just great conversation, finding out we have the same values, talking about our parents, his daughter, what we wanted out of life, where our careers were going, and exploring the city and finding we have a lot of things in common. He lived in Asia many years ago, and we both just really love it. I was reading a book while we were on the beach, and he loved it so much we read it together and would read out our favorite parts. The thought of seeing him again and having another awesome conversation and really just enjoying his company is what I really look forward to. It also brought out these feelings in me that, hey, maybe I do want to be in a serious relationship again, and I think this is the right guy. Re: moving, all my stuff is in storage where he lives. I would move back in a heartbeat, for the right person. I have really great friends and family there. I went to graduate school there. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Re: moving, all my stuff is in storage where he lives. I would move back in a heartbeat, for the right person. I have really great friends and family there. I went to graduate school there. Then tell him you're going to be there in May and you would love to get together with him again. Just don't spill your guts over text/email or any other means other then face to face and when you're sure he is wanting what you want. You can certainly ask him about the conversation regarding "How HE is feeling about all this." The thought of seeing him again and having another awesome conversation and really just enjoying his company is what I really look forward to. Tell him that. Good luck Link to comment
gracie808 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Clarisse, Musicman, Thatwasthen, all awesome advice that I will definitely be using. This forum ROCKS! Thank you so much. Link to comment
gracie808 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Wanted to update everyone who gave me great advice on my desperate post nearly a year ago. First of all, thank you to those who told me to trust my instincts and let him know. While my trip to see him didn't happen until October 2016, right until we saw each other again we had really good conversations. And then when I saw him again, my instincts were right. There was a connection there. He told me he loved me and I told him I loved him back. It's been great. It's still long distance now but we are talking about being together this year. It's really true what they say, when you know, you know. Anyway, thank you again. For listening and making me feel my crazy feelings were valid. Just wanted to give other LDR folks out there hope. xx Link to comment
gracie808 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Well if you are really feeling this way about this guy you should tell him! I wouldn't wait. I would tell him as soon as possible, before even meeting. Don't let him slip away into someone else's arms. Can I just personally thank you for this bit of advice. Before I flew over there, I read it over and over. THANK YOU. Link to comment
gracie808 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Life is too short, you should definitely tell him how you feel. Don't wait until May, though. Email him. Tell him how much you're thinking about him and how much your last visit meant to you. Forty is not "old". You have a long life ahead of you! Go for it! Thank you too Clarisse for this bit of advice. You were TOTALLY RIGHT. It wasn't too late!!! My learning: TELL HIM! Thank you. Link to comment
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