He suggested a threesome before even meeting me. Is it a red flag?

[gingervixen]

I don't understand what kept a preoccupation with this guy alive for months without meeting?

 

There are millions of people in the world. When some stranger online throws up an enticing picture (of anyone, who knows?) but thwarts meeting and says bizarre stuff, you get to pick how much of your time and focus you'll want to waste on that.

 

I don't thinking chatting for a longer time makes a guy become a horndog out of nowhere.

No matter if I had met the guy after 1 day or 1 month of talking , if he was really a pervert the mask would eventually fall off.

[annie24]

I don't thinking chatting for a longer time makes a guy become a horndog out of nowhere.

No matter if I had met the guy after 1 day or 1 month of talking , if he was really a pervert the mask would eventually fall off.

 

I think a man who is genuinely looking for a relationship will try to move things in life sooner rather than later. Some guys just want text/chat buddies, which is what it was sounding like this guy was (unless you wanted a 3some, then he wanted to be your real life friend). Almost invariably, if I traded 10+ emails with a guy before he suggested meeting, something was always up.

[Quidam]

2 months chatting and still no dates? I would have been way more cocky ...

[annie24]

2 months chatting and still no dates? I would have been way more cocky ...

 

yeah, for me, that's a red flag. I don't feel like that's a "nice shy guy moving slow." I've found that some other situation is going on. Like one guy turned out to be moving overseas. Or maybe he and his gf are on the rocks, but they haven't quite given up yet, but he's chatting up other women.... or he might be in a relationship and is just making female internet friends for fun.

[gingervixen]

yeah, for me, that's a red flag. I don't feel like that's a "nice shy guy moving slow." I've found that some other situation is going on. Like one guy turned out to be moving overseas. Or maybe he and his gf are on the rocks, but they haven't quite given up yet, but he's chatting up other women.... or he might be in a relationship and is just making female internet friends for fun.

 

I know such a thing exists but I see no point in spending months talking to someone without meeting the person.

 

I don't think he didn't want to meet me, what I do think is that he just wanted easy sex and was trying to convince me, at first in a subtle way with his flirting and then more obviously with that stupid joke. If I had given him the Green sign he would definitely have asked me out again.

 

But this attitude of his is so immature anyway.

[aliceunderice]

If you're looking for a proper relationship with someone, I think you're right to say bye to this guy. He's probably looking more for hookups with a comment like that. He would know that is going to be seriously offputting to any girl looking for an actual relationship. If he's a lawyer he shouldn't be too stupid to realise that.

[catfeeder]

I don't thinking chatting for a longer time makes a guy become a horndog out of nowhere.

No matter if I had met the guy after 1 day or 1 month of talking , if he was really a pervert the mask would eventually fall off.

 

It's just a waste of your time on fantasy building. If you don't mind doing that, it's not against the law, it's just an investment in 'nothing' unless and until you meet. Even then, most people are simply NOT our match.

 

If you'll just meet for a quick coffee, you get to decide whether you want to continue contact.

[gingervixen]

It's just a waste of your time on fantasy building. If you don't mind doing that, it's not against the law, it's just an investment in 'nothing' unless and until you meet. Even then, most people are simply NOT our match.

 

If you'll just meet for a quick coffee, you get to decide whether you want to continue contact.

 

I never met him and I never will.

 

I just found out he's still in OkCupid and he's online ALL DAY LONG. He's sick in the head.

[boltnrun]

Are you still searching for him? If so, why?

[gingervixen]

Are you still searching for him? If so, why?

 

I am not searching for him. I coincidentally have a friend in common with him who told me everything about his new online dating profile. That's all.

[TMifune]

gingervixen......Would you like to be part of my foursome?

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I'm inviting you to play golf....what did you think I meant? ;-)

[gingervixen]

Now here's something weird that happened last week.

 

Let's call this post "Why giving people closure is sometimes a waste of time - but you should do it anyway"

 

Last week this guy once again texted me, using a different number. He basically said "Hey, I am sorry if you felt offended but I really wanted to talk to you again." I didn't answer, and that apology was the worst apology ever. He sent me another text, saying "You're gonna ignore me forever when I'm trying to apologize?"

 

Well, I ignored him for a week but then, thinking to myself , I thought that I found absurdly rude to ignore someone, especially when someone is apologizing, even if the apology is ty. So I sent him this message:

 

"Hi. Sorry for taking so long to reply, I did that because I was upset with you. I respect you and I think you deserve some kind of closure, so here it is - we should not talk anymore, like I told you before. We are clearly looking for different things in terms of relationships and I see no point in talking to you anymore. I honestly wish you good luck in everything. Best wishes."

 

He then immediately replied, saying "Wow. I had never dealt with such a dramatic person, and you're not even my girlfriend. As you wish. Bye"

 

One would take it personally, but I didn't. He is basically a very narcissistic person, and that was basically narcissistic rage. I just told him:

 

"You're very rude. I just want to give you closure. Yet you say these things out of nowhere. What you call drama, I call respect and giving people closure."

 

Then he said:

"What you call disrespect I call " is she even talking about/here we go again!!!"

 

I am not here to argue with an irrational person like him, so I just said:

 

"This argument is pointless. You're absurdly rude and irrational. Just know that I felt disrespected by many things you said, yet I still think everybody deserves closure. Your attitude shows me I am doing the right thing to stop talking to you. Best wishes and please do not text me again, not even with a different number. Bye."

 

And then I blocked his new number.

Okay, I was surprised by his sudden rudeness? Yes, I was. Could I just have ignored his first text and not having given him closure? Yes. But I tried to be better than that, so I gave him closure. Do I regret it? DEFINITELY NOT. I didn't even take it personally. He's obviously someone who's very immature to understand what respect is, he doesn't even know how to apologize and he acts like an enraged child when faced with rejection. C'est la vie. I feel better now.

[gingervixen]

gingervixen......Would you like to be part of my foursome?

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I'm inviting you to play golf....what did you think I meant? ;-)

 

Ha!

I have never played golf, so I guess you wouldn't have so much fun.