Things that make me angry .....

[Hero_99]

I am angry at my father. My father had many good traits, but he lost control to alcohol, and had no appreciation for anyone. He never appreciated me when I was younger, and had no respect for anything I valued. Even to this day, he has been emotionally avoidant of me. It is

like he just does not know how to get close to anyone. Nothing hurts more than to know that I never had an appropiate male role-model growing

up.

 

I am angry at the fact that my parents had divorced. When I was growing up I needed a stable home environment; instead, I had to teach myself how to grow up while I was being neglected by my parents.

 

I am angry at my stepfather. Not only is he a total loser, he is/was an abusive *******, a totally manipulative selfish *******. He did whatever he could to punish me when I tried to stand up to him. He tried to punish me by restricting my mobility when I was younger. He refused to take me places in the car, and even worse he has told lies to me and even intentionally beat me up once, actually more than once.

 

I am angry at women ... I'm angry at the fact that there have been many girls in my past that have intentionally or unintentionally caused me to be hurt in one way or the other. I feel as though many of them have been against me, hated me even and then had the nerve to feed me reactive BS to try to comfort mewhile they were wounding me. They made me into a mean, selfish, egotisticle jerk, who has had no trust for women and has only sought to take from them because of this. I hate the fact that I have never found a girl that wants to make me feel appreciated. I hate the fact that I have had so many bad experiences with them. I hate the fact that I see many other people form good relationships, when I can only sit around and observe them being happy. I hate being so lonely.

 

I am angry that I was born with abnormal tendencies. I was born with Aspbergers, I have trouble understanding people when they make certain

faces or gustures, I say inappropiate things, and I always feel like I should be busy and if I am not I prance around like a restless lion in a cage. Maybe I could have been born worse I guess. I have an above average IQ and have developed more than a few noteworthy talents, but

it's still a damper when it comes to forming relationships because I don't understand people.

 

I am angry at God for allowing me to be born an empathy blind cripple. In fact, I am pretty much to the point to where I think that God should either fix this ******* mess he started or shut the hell up with his empty promises. I am not at fault for this sin business, so if he wants to allow people to suffer in result of some sort of salvation scheme, he can kiss my fleshy earthly butt until he keeps the promises that he made to man right after the introduction of sin without any run-around that takes 100s ot 1000s of years. And Satan can kiss my butt even more, jealous selfish bastard ...

 

I am angry at the Seventh-day Adventist church. In fact, I feel like I have been cheated by the church. When I was younger I use to be so involved and serious about attending church, and paid my tithe. Well, what has the church given back to me? It's given me nothing but rejection. Rejection because of who I am and because what the church teaches. Not only has it given me rejection, I actually avoided people and situations be cause of my convictions in the church. I spent atleast 10 years avoiding girls who were interested in me because they were not seventh-day adventist only to find that my local church pastor had to leave to live in Alaska because his teenage daughter got knocked up by some local non-adventist hick. This is a cause of furious anger, and I will take no more of this crap from the church when it comes to forming relationships.

 

I am angry at the fact that I have so much baggage that I am carrying around. It would not be fair for me to bring someone or children into my life and still be carrying around sickly emotional baggage. Either I find a way to drop it, or continue to avoid forming relationships.

 

I am angry at my past. I am angry at the fact that it has always seemed like the world has been against me at the start. In fact, I feel like the world wants me to lose. I feel like no one really wants to accept me for the real me, and that I have to avoid the world to handle living in it. I just want to be accepted, I just want to feel like I belong somehow somewhere without games or living behind costumes or false barrier. But, I don't know if this would ever be possible ...

 

I am angry at the fact that I feel like I have to give up on finding true love in this life time. Does true love exist? Maybe ... I just wish that true love would find me and not these horny superficial two-faced females who only want me for one day out of every month. I have had far too many flings with girls like these and everytime I end up feeling like I've had a really really sucky time. One night stands suck...

 

I am angry at the fact that sometimes I have suicidal thought. Sometimes I feel like I have lived enough and just want to die silently and in peace. Other times, I feel like fighting out my anger and lashing out at the world. The only problem is that if I were to truly lash back out at the world, the world would not tolerate me. I would either die violently or go to prison for a very long time, and neither one of those show a sense of control. One thing I can always say about myself is that I have always had a very strong will and can maintain some very good control over myself; I hope I never lose that trait because I think that is what keep me alive, my strong will.

 

There are many other things that make me angry, and for good reasons. I just hope that some day I can advance past my problems, before it's too late.

[MetallicAguy]

Your suffering from some severe depression. I recommend go seeing a psychologist or a counselor; someone you can talk to that you trust. And this whole rejection thing; from my beliefs I'd say it is a test from God to see if you can handle yourself. But anyway you should definetely talk to a counselor for about 5 months or how long you think it should take.

[Hero_99]

It's more than just depression, I've felt this way for two or three months now I don't really have anyone to talk to, except for the school councelor who is getting a masters in counciling and he doesn't always act like he wants to talk about me or has any answers.

[MetallicAguy]

So you don't have any friends to talk to or any friends at all? I read in an article a long time ago that what most people search for in life more than anything surprisingly is friendship. Make some more friends. Maybe meet a girl at your college that cares about you. The school counselor is an idiot if he doesn't have any answers or doesn't want to talk to you. That's why I recommend a psychologist, hey it's a lot of $$ but it'll be worth it in the long run if you want your life to change for the better.

[Hero_99]

So you don't have any friends to talk to or any friends at all? I read in an article a long time ago that what most people search for in life more than anything surprisingly is friendship. Make some more friends. Maybe meet a girl at your college that cares about you. The school counselor is an idiot if he doesn't have any answers or doesn't want to talk to you. That's why I recommend a psychologist, hey it's a lot of $$ but it'll be worth it in the long run if you want your life to change for the better.

 

I have a hard time making friends with just anyone. The people that do try to reach out to me tend to have similar problems, which doesn't help at all. All the good girls who probably would care tend to already have boyfriends, which really really doesn't help. Except for the promiscuious ones that don't care anyways and I find out later they have been treating other guys like boyfriends.

[MetallicAguy]

Hmm, thats kinda hard to try to make friends when you act depressed because no one likes to be around depressed people, though psychologists and better counselors than the one you have can help. They care. Your not alone, I guarantee someone else out there in the world has a problem just like yours.

[MetallicAguy]

Ok I think you should get more involved again with God. Even if you think its not going to work it will. I want you to pray out this prayer right now so you can let out that depression and stress: Dear God, Creator of the Universe, thank you for coming into the world and became man, Jesus Christ. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead. I truthfully confess and repent. I ask for your forgiveness, and grant me eternal life, so that I may become a child of God. May Jesus Christ come into my heart, be my Lord, savior, and friend and guide my way. Now that may seem weird to do since you seem to be neutral in terms of beliefs but know that people care about you and God cares about you. I think this is a test of self-control. I also highly recommend you see a counselor and/or pray for yourself to get better and to overcome this depression that lacks you from happyness everyday. Hope this helps.

[Hero_99]

I never said I doubted God, metallicAguy. I said I was angry because he hasn't entirely fixed the stuff he said he would. If you think I have denied God, then you've horribly misunderstood me. And Jesus, he is like my best friend. You can not even begin to imagine the intricate relationship I developed with Christ, and he has never failed me.

 

People have failed me severely, though I really don't have any interest in being put in a position where I am not getting my needs met and I do not in church, so I am forced to look elsewhere to have my end needs met..

[MetallicAguy]

Sorry about misinterpreting that. Well I think that's great that you have a strong relationship with Christ. I think you should pray more if you don't pray enough already. And definetely find some $$ to go talk to a psychologist. Remember this phrase from the Bible if you ever have a problem or a hard time doing something; "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phillipians 4:13.

[DN]

What I am about to say is easy to write but tough to do.

 

You have to make a conscious, rational decision that it is in your own best interests to let the anger go. Stop being angry. Every time you start to feel angry, divert your attention to something else. If you are anywhere another activity can occupy your mind do it. If you are not, perhaps when driving for instance, then use all of your self discipline to consciously force your mind to think about something else.

 

If you can do that, and start concentrating on the positive rather than the negative you will have a step towards changing your life. The fact that you are no longer thinking about the things that make you angry, will free your mind to to concentrate on finding ways to make your life better. To improve your relationship with your God, to forgive your father for his failures, and to find a healthy relationship.

 

Life is about making choices - at the moment, you and only you, can make a choice: you can choose to keep being angry and self-destructive, while blaming everyone and everything else for what is making you angry.

 

Or you can choose to forget about who did what to whom and who is to blame for whatever and take charge of your own life.

[arwen]

Hey Hero,

 

I hope posting here was a way to let out your anger at least for a little bit. I agree with DN, and would like to add that anger is not a bad emotion. In fact, my experience has been that being angry is more 'useful' in life than being depressed or sad. Where depression will put you down and exhaust you, I find that anger can be an energy that you can use to move up again.

 

Your anger needs a way to be directed. A good way would be to try and re-direct this anger into a positive thing. Directing your anger inwards, leads to selfdestruction, if not physical, then emotional. It will be a never ending circle.

 

Are there things in your life you are greatful for? You say you were born with Asperger, which I imagine, is very difficult to live with. But that does not mean that Asperger is all there is to you, right? You are a whole person, and this is something that is a part of it. Try to focus your energy on the strong properties that are a part of you too.

 

Yes, you need friends. I understand the problem of meeting people who have the same issues. I had the same thing when I was depressed. I met a lot of people who where depressed. In my deepest downs I really needed people who shared that with me, but when I started to get 'up' again, I needed people who where not depressed. I distanced myself and created a new social life for a part. Now it's in balance again. Are there things in life you like to do which can be done in a team, group?

 

Ilse.

[annie24]

Hmm... I've never met someone with Asperger's before. You sound very intelligent. I can understand how it can be supremely frustrating to have a difficult time understanding slight nuances of people's emotions. It's confusing enough for people don't have Asperger's, as you can clearly see from all the posts on this site.

 

My advice is to read some books on the human interactions. I have a book, "Never be lied to again" which talks about all the subtle clues and hints that tell you when someone is lying to you. I think books like that might help you understand what's going on and will help you be less angry. You sound really smart, so perhaps you can start recognizing "patterns" in human behavior. Being less angry is key, because when you can let go and have a heart filled with love, those kinds of people will come to you too. I hope you keep up with the therapy. If you have health insurance, you should hopefully be able to talk to a real physchatrist or phsychologist for a much reduced rate.

 

As for the girls who've been unkind towards you, you have to understand that they've also been hurt before, and I think that part of their "defense mechanism" is to be unkind to others. Which, of course, does not excuse them, but I'm just saying, it's not your fault. Good luck.

[Hero_99]

If you guys do a search on my name, you should come acrost articles that I have written that are all psychological in nature. Some of them are better written than others, yet it's my attempt to understand people in general. Even with my disability, there is very little a person can do to get anything over me.

[fantasia2004]

So you don't have any friends to talk to or any friends at all? I read in an article a long time ago that what most people search for in life more than anything surprisingly is friendship. Make some more friends. Maybe meet a girl at your college that cares about you. The school counselor is an idiot if he doesn't have any answers or doesn't want to talk to you. That's why I recommend a psychologist, hey it's a lot of $$ but it'll be worth it in the long run if you want your life to change for the better.

 

 

It is kind of hard to find friends when you are faced with these obtacles

[fantasia2004]

You have to make a conscious, rational decision that it is in your own best interests to let the anger go. Stop being angry. Every time you start to feel angry, divert your attention to something else. If you are anywhere another activity can occupy your mind do it. If you are not, perhaps when driving for instance, then use all of your self discipline to consciously force your mind to think about something else.

 

 

Anger is an emotion if not controlled can actually kill your heal;th try to let go of things that bother you.

 

I feel somewhat of your anger problems because I experience them everyday, but I am trying to let it go to save me from unhealthy risky problems.

[Hero_99]

I was so unaware of my real calling. I was suppose to heal myself, and I have. The real me is loving and I am accepted by all who see me now.