How to get an ex back

[lawandorder]

I have been reading so many posts. I have had my own problems with getting back with an ex. Ill make this story short and get to the meat of my topic. I dated a girl for 1 1/2 years. Then broke up. My fault. Went a whole month and spun my wheels. She was dating a good guy that worked hard and had 2 kids. She took his kids places and went out every night with this guy. She moved in with him. But we talked every day almost. Then I put a plan together. Boom, we got back together and ended up married. Great marriage but had a rocky road for 3 months. Then (because of me) she filled for divorce and took advice from her family on getting it. She is so head strong. Now she is dating a guy but not living with him. Found this out after we had been going out some and talking daily. Some good talks and some fights. Then I thought of my plan I used from years ago. And Thought of the plan I had givin to so many friends and it worked. Now alot of people will not agree with this but I felt if someone really wants to have a shot here it goes.

 

1. Get your self out of pain. Easier said than done. Ok, first you control you thoughts. no one else can. So when ever something pops in that ole head make a point not to think about it. Think of something else. Force yourself not to think about the ex. Its hard but has to be done. I stress this.

 

2. Stop being the one to take all the crap off of them. Now what I mean is this. Dont get mad and jump all over them. Be polite and if they are mad let them vent and then just agree with them and move on with the conversation. Dont try to tell them anything in the way of how they are wrong and how things really are. Just let them vent and let it go.

 

3. Refers to the top. Dont be a door mat. If you are one now then stand up and shake the dirt off. Dont be a dog and let them kick you be a human and stand up and be yourself. Dont cow down to them but be polite as well.

 

4. People want what they cant have or that is hard to get. A man for example. He wants a corvette so bad. Would give anything for a vette. Then one day he gets his money together and gets a vette. Then after a little bit it has lost its meaning. He really misses having his truck and the vette has lost alot of meaning. But as long as he cant have one he wants it more and more.

 

5. BLACK SANKE I have posted this before in threads but not on its own thread. Now, what do I mean. This came from an old man years ago that told me this. This is the biggest key. Most of us have lost our other or our true love and thats why we are here. Well, we all do about the same thing and thry a littl e something here and there but nothing really works. this does work if there is any hope left. LOL and there is.

 

A black sanke or king snake. These snakes are good snakes. They kill and eat the bad snakes. So they are very good to us in real life. But if you see a black snake and you try to catch it and get it. It will run and run and run. Now you will get tired before the snake. Trust me I did this as a kid and you will wear out first. Then when you stop. LOL As soon as the snake can see this it is going to come after you. You better run. Now it wont hurt you but it will chase you till you can get away from it.

My point: We all chase the one we love. We buy things, we call, we text or email, we ask questions, we call their family or friends. We do all we can to get with them. Be look like if we dont have them then we will not have anything. Now the kicker is the way they see you. Now if you have been out on 2 dates, LOL for get this post. But if you have alot of time in a relationship there is still feelings and love. So when this person can see you are moving on. You are happy. Your world is perfect. And you dont call them anymore. You dont take their calls they are going to flip out. Now play hard to get. Dont make it impossible. Every 3 days or so return the call. They will get mad since they have not heard from you and you have not picked up the phone. But, you have been busy and just have not had a chance to really call them back. Dont give them reasons or let them know what your really doing and stick to being perfect and happy. Then wait 3 or 4 days again. now if they dont call you then find a good excuse to call them and be short. Dont call and ask a question then go on about how they are doing or any of that. Just let it be small talk. Dont argure or get mad. this will draw them in. You turn the power into your hands and take it from them. they will start thinking and wondering instead of you. If they are with someone else it will make them think of what your doing instead of knowing you are hanging on and they can do whatever they want and you will always be there. They dont want you to move on if they still have feelings for you.

 

Now this has worked for so many it is beyond belief. But this is not a good thing if it is to just get even. To use something for the wrong reason will back fire and come back 10 fold.

 

Now one thing you have to do as well. We all know we need to improve ourselves. We are not perfect. How we look, how we act, how we treat others or what ever is important to work on. You have to make yourself like you are rare and something that alot of people want. If you are separated and you date others (not sex) and the one you love knows that others are interested in you it works like a suction. Who wants something no one else wants. Think about it. Use the time of no contact to make yourself better. Work on how you look. How you react to things. Your career or being a better parent. Use this time to better yourself so it will show the one you love by your actions that you have changed for the better. Dont tell them you have changed. Let them see it. Take better care of where you live and your car. Take pride in everything.

 

Now if the person has moved on and there was just nothing that could have stopped it then you have done more for yourself than ever before. From the way you act, look, work and everything around you. You will see that it is a win win.

 

I know alot of you will think I am crazy. You will disagree with my thoughts. But that is fine. I am just showing what I have seen happen so many times and it works. Now it is not 100% fool proof. But it works 90% of the time.

 

I see so much pain along with my own and logic is one thing we over look and we go with feelings and what our feelings want. Now is the time to use logic and use your head and get your life back.

 

Peace[/b]

[Andie]

So what you're saying is, take care of yourself, get your life together and HEY! Maybe the ex will realize what they gave up and want you back, but even if they don't, just look at the new and improved you! That's what you mean by 'win-win'.. but I fear that people who do these things with the hopes of the ex coming back will be so let down that all the self improvement in the world won't truly heal them..

[brelkins]

Sorry man did read the post read some but only thing i have to say is you can only get someone back if they wont you back you can try....

 

have to be nice have to cool and beyour self and try to show her that you are reallly sorry....

 

what did you do man

[lawandorder]

well, I went into a shell for about a month. I would not tell her what was wrong with me. I was starting or opening a new business and leaving the company that I was running. I was stressed bad. Working at night at home but would not have sex or show any emotions for about a month. I didnt want to worry her so I kept it in. Then she went to a guy and asked for advice and did this for a month. I got mad. So she tried to be a perfect wife for about 3 months and I gave her hell. Told her I live day to day. I dont know if I will get a divorce. I mentioned it so much she gave up. She wanted to have a child and really was trying and I punted her. Then when she moved out and filled for divorce I realized what I had. So I have been the one trying to win her back. then I remembered what to do. And I have put this in effect for me as well.

 

If there is love and feelings it will work. Now if you beat a lady and cheated on her and did really really bad things then no. but if it was mild but simple mistakes that just hurt them in most ways then you do have a chance and this will work.

[lawandorder]

One last thing. No one else seems to post public on how to win a lover back. They all say just move on for yourself. Well, sometimes things are worth fighting for. But you have to use your head and fight with logic and not feelings. Hope you understand.

[brelkins]

K man you have something i can tell you to help you out with this

But i dont want you to just do what i say i would like you to think

about in your own way so that you can find the right things to say..

 

1.You need to ask yourself something to get the down of what is going

with her and u ....Did you always talk to her about thing that where going

on at ou job.Did you always give her alot of XOXOXO all the time..

 

2." YES" IF you did give me loven to her before you where going throw this

thing then i can tell you SHE IS THINKING THAT YOU HAVE

FELLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH HER....and with that you need to do some

of thing to show her that u do love her And sometime i know

as i guy that we should not talk about how we fell about thing but talking

about can be one of the most loven things we can do with the girl that we

love

 

2." NO" If you did do mor of thos thing then one there

might be something that she would like to talk to you about but dose not know

how to ask it.Or you need to do more of that XOXOXOX and

 

Because being the man we need to make the lady in are life always

because they can get up and go at any time and get over it faster.But when

a guy fells in love it is hard to get over them because we love them so much

 

 

i hope this help you out if you need more help email if you dont what it on

the forum ok

 

 

peace

[lawandorder]

NO, I would say we had a perfect marriage up to the point of being in a shell. Even she tells me that it was as perfect as anything could get. I was raised in the south. My way of life is that a man provides for a family. In that respect we share the good but protect from the bad. I didnt want her to stress out over things. But I did more damage than good. I went about it the wrong way. Now since we have separated I realized all I did. Now I didnt yell and scream and all that. I dont drink but a few mixed drinks about every 6 months. No drugs. Dont run the roads and neglect her. We were always happy in that respect. But she thought I was cheating even though I was under her thumb. She thougt I fell out of love. Now she did say to everyone that she loves me with all her heart but she cant live the way we did at the end. Thats fine. But she is hard headed.

 

Now if I keep chasing her and doing all the things to win her she is going to run faster. But if myself or anyone takes a step back. Opens their eyes. Wow. You can see that if you keep what God gives you as nice as possible it helps. Your home, your car, your looks and the way you act you will find that you dont fake being happy you will soon be happy. No one wants a man or women that is not happy and is down and lets things go. Overweight, diry house messed up car and so forth. Who wants that. No me. But if you loved one sees that you are taking pride in your life your actions will show up and stand on their own. If the loved one then can see that other men or women would like to have what they had in a major way it opens up alot there too. It works. i will prove this over the next few months and show I am living proof. I just had to see logic and use my head and not my feelings.

[brelkins]

Will I get what u are saying about her run always fun anf things like that

and I know about trying to keep thing on the downlow about money and jobs like that

but the one thing you have to look at is. When you and her where

going to get married with you saying I DO says that u to well always work things out

even when thing are going back...I know that you love her but u need to talk to about

because she need to know thos thing because it not just u in this it is both of u

[FuriousSam]

You can try and win your love back, but normally it would take too much effort. And if something was wrong in the relationship in the first place, it's bound to happen again. Plus once you started to get her back, you are developing attachment to her and that can be deadly.

[brelkins]

Yeah it can but you have to know when to stop man

 

 

"""You can try and win your love back, but normally it would take too much effort""""

 

There is never to much effort to get someone back that you love but like i say you need to know when to stop

[lawandorder]

Effort and getting hurt again?? trying to work it out and then it goes south again?? A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from another mans mistakes. But to see if you are insane... that is when you try the same thing over and over and get the same result. LOL its the truth.

 

Now, lets take this to another level. How to make it work on the next go round. How to change your mate. How to make the relationship what you desire and bring it back on your terms. LOL Imposible??? Nawwww..

 

First of all, figure out what went wrong with you. How could you have changed it. How could you have prevented it. Dont pick on her or him but pick on yourself. Then you will see what you need to change.

 

Now to win the person back>>...

 

Effort is on you and for it to be to much is hogwash. You have to set your sights on the total picture. its to gain your mate back but also it will help make you happy for life. For life?? yes for life...

 

Lets take this to the limit. I stated this before. Take care of where you live to the most extreme. Take care of what you drive to the extreme. Take care of your looks and take care of making yourself happy. Pretend you are on cloud 9 as in your world is perfect and you are happy as you can be. What person does not want to be with a person that is happy and living in a perfect world. Who doesnt want to be with someone that is doing great in the career. Who does not want to be with someone they see as rare and a great catch. So if you dont for some odd reason win back your mate you will have them standing in line to be with you. Pick of the litter. LOL Take as good of care of what God gave you and you will see.

 

Now to do Black Snake theory is not that much effort for the purpose of winning them back. The most effort is to improve yourself for you. Trust me, you will be a better person and you will be in better shape if they dont come back. This will also keep you busy. It works

 

[lawandorder]

I meant to say one last thing. LOL I just got a phone call from a lady that works for my lawyer. She is easy on the eyes. This chick is hot. LOL But she called and now asked me out. Am I going?? You dang right. Enjoy the company of others. (not sex) and have a blast doing it. Jealous people also come out when you are known to be going out with someone. if ya can smell what I am cooking. But dont miss lead the person you are dating. Dont hurt them. My point is to enjoy your life in the mean time and have some great fun.

[Nap-Man]

4. People want what they cant have or that is hard to get. A man for example. He wants a corvette so bad. Would give anything for a vette. Then one day he gets his money together and gets a vette. Then after a little bit it has lost its meaning. He really misses having his truck and the vette has lost alot of meaning. But as long as he cant have one he wants it more and more.

 

 

Doesn't this go against what advice you are trying to give? To me this says if you play this game then you will get them back for a short time till they want the next hard to get person. I do understand that if you work on yourself and use this trick to get them back they may stay since you have changed. I just think that games like this are the reason that so many reconciliations are so short lived.

 

This is just my opinion. I agree wholeheartedly that there are things you should not do to try to win someone back. I just have a hard time believing that if another person loves you that they eventually won't come back to you on their own terms. This is why I think we see so many posts stating that n/c worked or staying friends worked. In the end it probably doesn't matter what you do, they will come back if they still love you.

 

I believe people should behave in what ever manner they are comfortable with around their ex's (within reason). If they are ok with being friends then go with that, if they need n/c then go with that. I believe you just need to do what is best for you and let the ex work things out for themselves. I don't think one method works better than the other for having sucessful and lasting resonciliations. As long as you take the time apart to work on yourself I think that is all you can do.

 

My $0.02,

 

Nap[/b]

[lawandorder]

This will not work on the next person that is playing that unless your ex is in love with them and has time invested as well. All this is just a way to open their eyes and show them what they are missing.

 

Now for this to last and make a difference you have some issues you have to deal with. You have to look at your whole picture. Now look for fault in yourself. You can change yourself and stick to it. No one can change someone else but you can have an impact and just make sure it is a positive impact.

 

For example: If your mate leaves you and has been fed up with you being controling. And it drives them away. You need to show them that you have changed for the positive in aspects of you life. You also need to take the stand and work on being controling and control you negative thoughts that make you want control. This way if you get back together they can see your not trying to control them and you have many other self benefits that have changed.

 

Now if you just win them back and dont change or if they just come back because they miss you and play that way you are going to be short lived. My whole thought is to make changes in yourself for the better and use it no matter if you get back together or not.

[lawandorder]

UPDATE!!!!

 

I went out to eat with a lady and really enjoyed myself. Great time and really enjoyed myself. Then I did take her home and no sex. Not that was that type but I just see to it I dont put myself in a place to get tempted. Ya know men or some men. LOL

 

Now I got out of bed at 6:30 am. Worked out and got a call from a buddy. We were talking and I got a beep and it was my ex. So I didnt pick up and avoided the call. Then my home phone rings ( I was on my cell with my buddy) and I didnt pick up on it as well. NC all the way. Well about 3 minutes I hear my door bell going off. She was at my house and by the time I got to the door she had opened the door. She was mad since I had not piced up the phone. She didnt give me 5 minutes to return the call. She said she need a few of her things. She got a little basket and some hangers. LOL nothing at all. She went through the house and looked in all 4 bedrooms and each closet and every place in the house. She thought I had a lady there. She then talked about some girls she thought I may be out with. I told her that if she was worried about them being in our house (we are still married now) then feel free to come over and look anytime. But she knows when I go eat anywhere in our town. People tell her. She knows when I go out some how. Now she was mad and going on about how I said a few things out of anger about her and that ruined our marriage. I agreed and to the blame. Then she said she was going with me to the Nascar Car races this year and to Cancun. I tripped out. I told her I made mistakes in our marriage. I said things out of anger and I was wrong. She told me we had a perfect marriage for years and she missed that but then the bad things come right back out. I just agree. She would get real jealous and then mad. But when I agree with her she would calm down.

 

She was mainly upset since she had not heard from me in 2 days and I would not pick up the phone. I just said I dont want to fight and I am sick of us pushing each other to hate. That if we talk I want the past to be in the past unless it is about our good years. Now I told her that I had offered in the past to make a house a home and for her to come back and she didnt want it. I told her the days of watching TV and me rubbing her feet or her rubbing my back or us just enjoying each other were over and I know it. She told me that it could happen. I enforced that I feel it never will but I am ok and not a pitty party. She noticed the house being perfect and my car. She noticed that I have been working out and have lost over 50 pounds of fat and gained alot of muscle in my upper body.

 

I could tell by her actions and her words that she was jealous. That she missed alot of things. That she is now in a whirl wind about things. I was very polite and did all I stated above. She asked me to go to the show tonight. I told her I had plans but catch me next time. she asked me about this weekend and I told her I had plans. Now she got mad. One of the girls she works with has a 13 year old girl. And she is going on a church event this weekend. So come Sunday my wife will know that I am one of the parents helping out and going on a trip with the youth group. So it will be a positive thing in the fact I was not out on dates at that time.

 

She is now feeling like I am pulling away. I could tell it in so many ways. She also knows that other girls are interested in going out. She knows that I am in a good mood and living my life and happy. It surprised me she didnt try to push things to make me feel that we have a chance even more than what she did. But this girl is hard headed.

 

Thats if for now and I am sticking to NC unless she just shows up. If that happens then I am in a hard spot since it sorta hurts my plan of action but I will prove my theory again.

[lawandorder]

update!!!!

 

Tonight I had another date. DO NOT GO SEE THE MOVIE "HIDE AND SEEK" that was the worst movie. But I was in good company and she is cute as heck on top of that. I really enjoyed myself on this date. Have another one with her tomorrow nite. Now we did run into a friend of my ex. No big deal. my ex will know about this date with in a day. But that is good in my view. I introduced her to my ex's friend and told her she was a friend of mine. Now I wont down play my date to my ex but I will down play any sex. I put this plan into action a few days ago. And the progress is amazing. Not just on my ex's actions and words but on my mind set. I feel better now than I have in 2 months. I feel like I am getting my world back and I know my ex will soon be back as well.

 

I notice alot of views hit this topic but not alot of replies. I figured the ones out there would give me some more advice on how to work this and others would tell me how it wont work. Peace out and update tomorrow if any action.

[Marko]

yeah, i don't know of any advice I can offer to your particular scenario, but your updates are read and taken w/ interest by me.

 

 

Man, the only way I could find sombody to date would be a chance encounter. i have zero prospects.

 

hell, I have zero friends here!

[brando]

For what it's worth i think dating is the right thing to do. Nothing serious or too heavy. If not to make your ex jealous, at least to make yourself feel good, and enjoy life. I haven't gooten there yet.

[lawandorder]

Well, the problem with dating for me right now is I compare them to my wife and my wife is number one to me. But I have been out with 5 girls in the past 7 weeks. I am dating the one I have been with for a few nights since she seems perfect fit. But I have to keep in mind my goals and not to hurt anyone along the way. I dont want to break a heart of someone else to gain things for me. but I know my wife drove by my house a few times this week. I pointed one of my video cameras in the direction of my driveway and the lake to see who all goes by. LOL I know it is bugging her and it is getting all the reactions I need. Update tonight.

[lawandorder]

Today I made plans to go out again with the same lady. She seems pretty cool. But I also know that my ex has been asking questions about me and what I have been doing. She also made statements about the way I look and act. I got back into body building in a major way and have lost 40 pounds but have added alot of bulk to my arms and chest in the past few months. I know now it is really getting the best of her.

 

My point to this whole post is how to show someone you are changing on a mental level and the way you act but also how you are changing on the outside. If you take the force and power they have and use it in your favor and reverese the power to work for you it is an amazing thing.

 

When the person you are trying to win back is upset over you looking better or you getting new things or the opposite sex taking notice then you know that your plan is working. Remember to be sweet and kind and agree with them. And always act happy and your world is perfect.

 

To all those that send the private messages to me now for individual advice it is welcome and glad I could help, We even have one member on here that used this and now his ex is trying to get him back now after him trying for 3 months. Feels good to have them chase you for a change. LOL Good luck

[lawandorder]

Update on Saturday.

 

Well, strange line of events. Yesterday I was on my way thrugh town and my ex was on my tail. So she called and I pulled in and met her at her nail shop. I went in. She got her nails and toes done. I paid for it since she was being nice. LOL I was a sucker. Then I got 3 calls from other girls. Pissed her off some. Then she asked and I didnt lie. She wanted to know where I was going. I told her Shreveport LA to the Casino and to the funny bone comedy club. She got real worried about who I was going with. I told her a friend. She asked at least 100 times. She told me that was where we used to go alot and that was a place for my wife. She let me know we were still married. I told her that I had my life on hold for 5 weeks and tired everything and then realized that this is my life and I am going to live it to the fullest. If she wanted the benefits of going and doing she would be at home with me and since she has yet come home I have now started living. She didnt like the fact of me being in a good mood and just fun to be around. Then she made a comment about my chest and arms. I did cheat the last 8 weeks on DBol while working out but I have gained 4 inches in my arms and 5 inches in my chest. LOL I love pissing her off right now. She got real down for about 30 minutes and then she saw that I had traded my vette in on a C6 vette and that really got her. When I left I gave her $50 for her nails and toes and gave her a quick kiss on the check and told her I do still care but I would have to catch her on the flip side.

 

Well, I went on out with the girl I have been dating and I messed up. I took her to the casino and the clubs. We did win alot of coin. But the casino gave me a room. One of those bad @## rooms. And we stayed the night. After alot of jim bean and alot of wine for her we called it a night. Well, I am in a bad spot now. No sex, yeah right, I am human. I tried so hard. I didnt say no and now I feel real bad about this. I messed up some of my plan since in my past when I did this I moved on and didnt look back. It is all in my head but its not good.

 

Anyway, I am going to Dallas with the girl tonight and sticking to NC for the rest of the weekend with my ex. But I will continue my plan with my ex since I do love her with all my heart. Ill hope for the best. Peace.

[lawandorder]

Well, I have yet to hear from my ex going on 48 hours. LOL I know she had alot on her mind. She talked about going with me Friday night or how that was our thing and as she stressed that we were still marred she needed to understand that she wanted to split the sheets and that was not my call.

 

Yesterday my new girl came over and spent the night. We watched movies and I cooked out on the grill. Had a great time and had a real gooood nite. LOL I feel bad but in the same area I feel alot better about myself and my life.

 

I have realized a few things. If you try to make it through the break ups on your own and NC is rough. Reason being is because your alone and your thinking of the ex all the time. When you date someone else or others you dont think of the ex or as much. It gives you a sense of pride and gives you a new lift to what your focus is. It drives you to do even more and more rather than being alone and depressed.

 

You have to go out and meet people. Meet alot of new people and new friends. male and female. It helps and makes you feel better when you do so.

 

I know my plan I set forth is working but the issue is this. After seeing what else life has to give it makes it hard to really continue to think of the ex. When a ex does not want to give you a chance and put forth an effort and then a new person is so willing and so sweet and things seem so great just really puts a kink in the ex. I guess I need to focus and step back and see what my new views bring.

[brando]

Good point. Why i think my ex is the one or only one is foolish. I put so much importance on her. You have the right idea dating and going out enjoying your life. Can anyone person really be all that important to get back????

[Marko]

You sound like you have your act togther.

 

this is the thing tho. Im still dog-faced 99% of the time and every female will pick up on that.

 

But even so, there are NO girls to meet here. Seriously. NONE. i'd love to be able to go on a date to get my mind off her, but that is definitley not a possibility right now.

[Andie]

Tonight I had another date. DO NOT GO SEE THE MOVIE "HIDE AND SEEK" that was the worst movie

LOL! Yeah, not a good movie to watch while thinking of the ex..

 

And what about someone like me, lawandorder? He left me after 12 years together, told me he didn't love me anymore, had met another woman at work, wanted a fresh start.. it's been 8 weeks since he left and I haven't heard from him.. my mother has seen him twice and when they spoke of me he was very receptive to comments about me (both with words and body language) but then just politely said "I'm happy for her.".. I guess my only hope is to move on? I have not contacted him at all either.. I let him have what he wanted.. plus I'd rather not see him 'til I lose weight, get my emotions together, my finances, get my driver's license and a car, have some improvement to show him.. but there was another woman involved when we split.. what chance do I have?