Really upset, feel like the guy I'm dating is going to fade

[PH Suite]

No, not at all.

 

I'm sharing my experience as a counterpoint. Very big - MASSIVE - difference from someone stating as fact he's not into her because he went a few days without contact or whatever. That's ridiculous. Not everyone is a phone addict.

[notalady]

Has he always not texted much? If so I wouldn't worry about it. My boyfriend never texted much from the get go and was good with setting up dates. If the interaction is good face to face, I wouldn't pay any attention to texting.

 

It does seem like you come across as not interested if you haven't seen each other for a while and also cancelled the recent date.

 

When you say he seems hesitant about commitment, what exactly are you observing, other than not saying I like you or I miss you much.

[SoulTaker]

For reference, I am 25 and he is 27. I met this guy about 2.5 months ago and things were going well, we had the exclusivity talk about a month ago (I initiated it, and honestly sometimes it seems like he's hesitant about committing, he's not very expressive with saying "i like you" or anything). He is really good about initiating times to see me and planning dates, so it seemed like he was into me until recently. We've been seeing each other about 2-3x per week.

 

...and I thought things were going well, although sometimes he seems a little hesitant about committing (can't really explain why I think that). I know it's only been 2.5 months, so I don't know if I'm being too clingy. I'm also super stressed out with studying and exams right now. I'd like to text him that i miss him or that i'd like to hug and kiss him after a week, would that be too much?? Thank you for reading. Sorry I am so stressed out right now.

 

There are a few things to note about your update:

 

• Outside of requesting to be "exclusive", I see no goals, or plans in why you're dating.
  
• Did you ask what he's looking for in dating? You've been with the guy for 2.5 months. You should know what he's looking for by now. This is more about you, than him.
  
• He is, who he is (reserved personality). It's up to you to know if he fits the type of person you can have a future with. That's what dating is about, knowing what type of person you're comfortable with.
  
• I'm not sure what you're stressed about. He has complied with your requests.
  

Bottom line, you need to focus on, and figure out what's really bothering you (personality mis-match, why he is dating,....).

[swimmergirl20]

There are a few things to note about your update:

 

• Outside of requesting to be "exclusive", I see no goals, or plans in why you're dating.
  
• Did you ask what he's looking for in dating? You've been with the guy for 2.5 months. You should know what he's looking for by now. This is more about you, than him.
  
• He is, who he is (reserved personality). It's up to you to know if he fits the type of person you can have a future with. That's what dating is about, knowing what type of person you're comfortable with.
  
• I'm not sure what you're stressed about. He has complied with your requests.
  

Bottom line, you need to focus on, and figure out what's really bothering you (personality mis-match, why he is dating,....).

 

 

 

Yeah, I think maybe he is just reserved, coupled with the fact that he's never had a girlfriend before... I'm realizing maybe he's just very inexperienced with relationships?

 

We made plans to meet up tomorrow, he's just going to come over to "hang out" because I think I'll be too tired to do anything else. At first he wasn't sure if he could come over but then he said he'd be sure to get his work done so he can see me. So, it sounds good? I am afraid it could be a hook-up situation, but he agreed to be exclusive with me, he knows I want a relationship. I even brought up how I want to get married in the future. So I've made it clear to him, and he's gone along with it.

[mhowe]

He is coming over to hang out ---- because you said you would be too tired to do anything.

 

You keep creating the scenario, and then apply his perceived intentions on top of it. You canceled the last date...he didn't lose interest.

He is coming over because you invited him. Hooking up is up to YOU. You can say "no" IF he attempts it.

[SoulTaker]

Yeah, I think maybe he is just reserved, coupled with the fact that he's never had a girlfriend before... I'm realizing maybe he's just very inexperienced with relationships?

 

We made plans to meet up tomorrow, he's just going to come over to "hang out" because I think I'll be too tired to do anything else. At first he wasn't sure if he could come over but then he said he'd be sure to get his work done so he can see me. So, it sounds good? I am afraid it could be a hook-up situation, but he agreed to be exclusive with me, he knows I want a relationship. I even brought up how I want to get married in the future. So I've made it clear to him, and he's gone along with it.

 

Based on this update, it appears that you've "put the cart before the horse". You treated this whole dating venture as a "casual one", knowing that you wanted something serious out of it. If you're going to go the serious route, then you need to focus on a man who can handle a serious relationship.

 

Someone who has zero experience in dating doesn't fit that bill. You need to re-think how you're going about this. You're both currently benefiting from being together, so there are no issues here. No problem in continuing to enjoy being with him, but don't expect for him to think of this situation (dating) in the same manner as you're doing.

 

But if he doesn't fit your long term goals, then you need to plan accordingly.

[reinventmyself]

I can just add some of my personal experience here.

 

Based on his history, he may very well have good intentions and have no clue how to date or court a woman.

Because he doesn't plan ahead or schedule things doesn't necessarily mean he's only interested in sex.

He just may not have much of an idea on how to date.

 

I am in my 50's and I am surprised at the men who still just want to show up and hang out on short notice.

I don't get the impression that they have ill intent. . .I just think they may be a little clueless when it comes to dating.

 

There are also a large percentage of men that prefer the women to do most of the work, planning and initiating too.

And there are women who are perfect for them and don't mind doing so.

 

Not saying this is the case here. . just one more way to look at it.

[Heather Dawn]

I wouldn't place bets on a guy who has never had a girlfriend before (and he's 27?!) being marriage material.