The personality of the man I liked took a 360 turn for the worse

[Casey2014]

I'm not gonna post my deductions, my emotions or anything here. Just plain facts. And I really want your opinion.

This might get long but I would really appreciate if you could read it all and give your opinion.

 

So I worked as an HR Generalist (I'm nearing 30). Last year our company was recruiting for the position of one of the top managers, and we found a guy who's appearance/perfume/everything screamed of him being a big skirt-chaser even though he was 35 or so. We still recruited him, because his work experience was awesome. I personally dislik such men and stay away from them so I was always very wary and cautious around him. But he was also coming onto me pretty strong. Well, apparently because we had to recruit tons of his future subordinates together. So it was 100% only about work between us.

I quickly became friends with the girl that worked as his assistant because we also had to work together. The girl is married, just in case. So we started communicating more and more and it made me kinda uncomfortable because apart from ignoring such men I don't know how to verbally deal with them other than pull a poker face all the time he's around me.

 

So as the time went by he would always thank me for work and so on and so on. He also started bringing me some chocolates occasionally as a thanks (and those chocolates became more and more expensive with each time). His assistant told me that according to him he saw that my boss pressured me a lot and he couldn't understand so by giving me those chocolates he thought he could brighten up my mood. Actually he guessed right but no one knew about it. Even though he was pretty strict at times and strict about his decisions, he would think them over if I voiced my opinion which was opposite to his. I literally noticed that his face would really brighten up if he saw me super happy about something.

I didn't participate in many meetings with him but I remember that when we had a conference once and I was sitting in front of him even with the lights out he would always look at me and call out to me occasionally, kinda like, hey, why look so strict, or something totally unrelated to the conference.

he also knew that I was good at cooking so he asked me to bake his favourite cake for Christmas.

 

When we had a very big international conference with our subsidiaries from 3 other countries he found me alone in the conference room and asked me if I was okay (he gussed right because Iwas super annoyed back then).

Then, I decided to move to Canada to work. When I told him occasionally about it he looked really upset even though he tried to hide it. He never said anything about it though. We never got to talk because his schedule was packed. But during my last day at work he kept on being close to me for the whole day and hugged me really tight that it was hard to breathe.

 

HOWEVER, when I settled down in Canada, I messaged him just to ask how he and the company were doing and sent some of the photos. He never replied. I was like, okay, maybe he's busy. Later on I congratulated him with his birthday but he never replied even though his assistant told me that he told her that he got a message from me.

 

So after that. I never talked to him again, AND suddenly his personality changed DRASTICALLY. He changed from a charasmatic energetic leader into an always yelling, screaming scandalous man. A lot of people left the company because of his because he would publicly humiliate his own subordinates in front of the comapny's president. And the president, by the way, approves of such behaviour. He's ruined all the relationships he had with his coworkers, everyone hates him. His assistant left him because he would mesge her 24/7 asking her to do this and that and if, for example, it was 4am and she didn't reply right away, he would call her and start yelling. The woman he used to live with for a long while left him and now he behaves like a goat now, having banged a few of his female subordinates and chases after every skirt he can find.

Is it an example of how money and power changes people? Because he was given a lot more power here than in his previous company. And it's almost like he's obsessed with it.

 

I hate to admit it but I started liking him but since I don't really trust people and especially this type of men I was very cautious. And I don't think that him trying to buy my favor would benefit him in any way because I didn't have any influence within the company.

 

What happened? Why did he behave like that towards me? Why did he start ignoring me after that? Why did he suddenly change? Basically, what the hell - is the main question that I have.

 

Before you just say that he's a jerk and a plain skirt chaser I would like to her your opinion on how his former behaviour. Because it 100% wasn't a lie. And it's not just my opinion, it's the opinion of the whole company. Some think that he might have started doing drugs because he never sleeps. What is your opinion.

 

I wanted to get this oof my chest for a while now but I can't talk to my friends about it.

[Hermes]

What do you mean "former behaviour"?

This was at the outset, not "after".

 

You say "I personally dislike such men and stay away from them so I was always very wary and cautious around him. But he was also coming onto me pretty strong. Well, apparently because we had to recruit tons of his future subordinates together. So it was 100% only about work between us.

I quickly became friends with the girl that worked as his assistant because we also had to work together. The girl is married, just in case. So we started communicating more and more and it made me kinda uncomfortable because apart from ignoring such men I don't know how to verbally deal with them other than pull a poker face all the time he's around me."

 

In brief, from the start you had a gut feeling about him, and it proved right.

 

No he didn't change. It's how he always was, but he was able to put up that "Mask of Sanity" at the beginning. Yeh. Charismatic, to which we can add glib, over-powering, the spurious charm.

 

Need I say more.

[Casey2014]

You know it's not like we are all a bunch of amateurs with no connections to the outside world. Me, my HR Director, our HR President (in charge of several countries), our connections with people from recruitment agencies and other companies - we gathered tons of info before we hired him. This decision was made on president-level. NO ONE, even people with over 30 years of HR and management experience could forsee that, nor anyone ever thought his behaviour was fake.

But okay, even if we take what you said as correct then why do you think he behaved like that towards me? I can certainly say that I'm not the type that "popular guy in class goes after". Nor I'm the type skirt-chasers go after as well. He never even implied anything like that.

 

And the gut feeling I had about him was about him being the skirt-chaser, not the power abuser. No one had any doubts about his expertise.

[ParisPaulette]

It's really simple, the mask dropped. What you see now is him thinking you are not going to leave the company so he has no need to pretend or he was hoping to use you in some way, but now isn't so don't care. Or he's doing drugs and it altered his personality. Or he was doing secret experiments and swapped places with his evil doppleganger from an alternate universe.

 

Or.or.or.

 

Look, none of that matters. This guy is a frigging nightmare to work with. You know that saying, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely?" Yeah, he's a walking example of that. And his boss enjoys it and likely eggs him on because they're like that.

 

If you like this guy you're better off trying to get into therapy to find out why you respond to mini Hitlers than you are to try and figure out "Gee, why'd he stop the ruse of being a nice guy."

 

In all truth, you look at his boss enjoying his behavior and there's your answer. They're two ghouls feeding off each other tearing people down. THERE'S your answer and this is the culture of the company you work in. Keep you head down, but start sharpening your resume and looking to jump ship 'cause after they're both done tearing everyone else down you will be next on the menu. "

 

I know, because I've worked with people like this. That you are attracted to him is disturbing to say the least.

[Casey2014]

Apparently you didn't carefully read the first post. I moved to ANOTHER country. I don't work there anymore. And I worked with this guy for TWO years, and I know people that have worked with him for OVER 10 years and it's the first time such a thing happened. His former girlfriend is a friend of my friend and she was also shocked because he was nothing like that before. And well, his behaviour never changed at home, he was always nice but the reason she left him was that he started thinking only about his work.

[notalady]

You're asking strangers who don't know this guy to guess why his behaviours changed. I doubt you'll find any useful answers.

 

I suspect he stopped talking to you because you no longer work together and he sees no point in keeping a connection, regardless of how he behaved towards you when you worked together. I can't see how him ignoring you seem that strange nor consider it a personality or behaviour change.

[Hermes]

As Paulette says: the mask dropped.

 

With people like the man you described no one, but no one (regardless of expertise) can tell that what appears (convincingly) is fake. You are asking, and we are telling you.

 

So much has been written about the type of person you describe that I wouldn't know where to begin in recommending some reading.

[dias]

I'm not gonna post my deductions, my emotions or anything here. Just plain facts. And I really want your opinion.

This might get long but I would really appreciate if you could read it all and give your opinion.

 

So I worked as an HR Generalist (I'm nearing 30). Last year our company was recruiting for the position of one of the top managers, and we found a guy who's appearance/perfume/everything screamed of him being a big skirt-chaser even though he was 35 or so. We still recruited him, because his work experience was awesome. I personally dislik such men and stay away from them so I was always very wary and cautious around him. But he was also coming onto me pretty strong. Well, apparently because we had to recruit tons of his future subordinates together. So it was 100% only about work between us.

I quickly became friends with the girl that worked as his assistant because we also had to work together. The girl is married, just in case. So we started communicating more and more and it made me kinda uncomfortable because apart from ignoring such men I don't know how to verbally deal with them other than pull a poker face all the time he's around me.

 

So as the time went by he would always thank me for work and so on and so on. He also started bringing me some chocolates occasionally as a thanks (and those chocolates became more and more expensive with each time). His assistant told me that according to him he saw that my boss pressured me a lot and he couldn't understand so by giving me those chocolates he thought he could brighten up my mood. Actually he guessed right but no one knew about it. Even though he was pretty strict at times and strict about his decisions, he would think them over if I voiced my opinion which was opposite to his. I literally noticed that his face would really brighten up if he saw me super happy about something.

I didn't participate in many meetings with him but I remember that when we had a conference once and I was sitting in front of him even with the lights out he would always look at me and call out to me occasionally, kinda like, hey, why look so strict, or something totally unrelated to the conference.

he also knew that I was good at cooking so he asked me to bake his favourite cake for Christmas.

 

When we had a very big international conference with our subsidiaries from 3 other countries he found me alone in the conference room and asked me if I was okay (he gussed right because Iwas super annoyed back then).

Then, I decided to move to Canada to work. When I told him occasionally about it he looked really upset even though he tried to hide it. He never said anything about it though. We never got to talk because his schedule was packed. But during my last day at work he kept on being close to me for the whole day and hugged me really tight that it was hard to breathe.

 

HOWEVER, when I settled down in Canada, I messaged him just to ask how he and the company were doing and sent some of the photos. He never replied. I was like, okay, maybe he's busy. Later on I congratulated him with his birthday but he never replied even though his assistant told me that he told her that he got a message from me.

 

So after that. I never talked to him again, AND suddenly his personality changed DRASTICALLY. He changed from a charasmatic energetic leader into an always yelling, screaming scandalous man. A lot of people left the company because of his because he would publicly humiliate his own subordinates in front of the comapny's president. And the president, by the way, approves of such behaviour. He's ruined all the relationships he had with his coworkers, everyone hates him. His assistant left him because he would mesge her 24/7 asking her to do this and that and if, for example, it was 4am and she didn't reply right away, he would call her and start yelling. The woman he used to live with for a long while left him and now he behaves like a goat now, having banged a few of his female subordinates and chases after every skirt he can find.

Is it an example of how money and power changes people? Because he was given a lot more power here than in his previous company. And it's almost like he's obsessed with it.

 

I hate to admit it but I started liking him but since I don't really trust people and especially this type of men I was very cautious. And I don't think that him trying to buy my favor would benefit him in any way because I didn't have any influence within the company.

 

What happened? Why did he behave like that towards me? Why did he start ignoring me after that? Why did he suddenly change? Basically, what the hell - is the main question that I have.

 

Before you just say that he's a jerk and a plain skirt chaser I would like to her your opinion on how his former behaviour. Because it 100% wasn't a lie. And it's not just my opinion, it's the opinion of the whole company. Some think that he might have started doing drugs because he never sleeps. What is your opinion.

 

I wanted to get this oof my chest for a while now but I can't talk to my friends about it.

In my opinion here is the answer. Some people feign until they get a job with power.

[Hermes]

You ask, Casey:

 

"Basically, what the hell - is the main question that I have.

"

 

This not the common or garden jerk (or skirt chaser). His problem goes deeper than that.

[Casey2014]

I see. Maybe I just can't believe that he's not the person he used to be when I was there.

I just think that there would be no merit for him to come to good terms with me. Absolutely none. That's why I was wondering.

[Hermes]

With people like that, Casey, manipulation and pretending are the name of the game. And disbelief is one of the usual reactions of other people who have had dealings with these individuals.

Think "no conscience".

[mhowe]

He was currying favor with you while you were at HR. And he knew what you liked.

 

After you went to Canada, he never responded to you because you were no longer of any value to him.