What's happened

[Confused00]

So after 2.5 years, my partner and I broke up. It's weird as the week before we had been planning our trips abroad and even discussing children and plans to buy property. At the moment we love separately but had lived together two years prior, I was in the process of relocating to be with him. Anyway long story short we have a petit argument over dinner and he drags the argument out, a week later we meet and he states he isn't sure this relationship is right for him (as discussed in a previous post) we have spoken once since and it has come to light that even though he is lonely and scared he thinks the right decision has been made and even though he has so much love for me, he doesn't feel the same as when we first met and that he doesn't love me the way he thought he could and wanted to. Now I'm pretty sure this is dead in the water? No going back with such a definitive statement, but what I don't understand are his expectations, love changes over time, he won't feel the same about me, but why sit and tell me he loves me like a fat kid loves cake and that he misses me and that I need to hurry up and move up so we can start a family business and our life together just a week or so prior?

[evam]

Are you me? I was in the same situation as you 6 weeks ago, everything crumbled so fast, it was a slap in the face, everything was going really well between us we talked about marriage, the name of our kids etc you know the drill. Suddenly, he was distant and told me that his feelings were not the same as before after almost 3 years of dating. Right after the break-up I always thought his reasons for breaking up with me were not sufficient enough: ''it's not you, it's me'' ''I don't feel the same as before'' etc. Even though he never told me this, I just came up with the conclusion that he never actually fell IN love with me, but was rather in the infatuation stage for about 2 years + almost 1 year of questioning and denying his feelings since it was his first long term relationship (and we got along really well...so hella confusing). But I can tell you today, only after 6 weeks, that I don't care anymore. Just the fact that he left me is enough reason to not want him back and just move on.

 

Honestly, a part of me is glad he left because it will shape me for the better and gives me time to focus on myself. I've also acquired great wisdom about relationships, love and emotions. I thought he was the man of my life, but I love myself damn too much to be doubted by a significant other.

 

Do no contact, go out with friends and meet new people. It truly helps

[Movingforward3]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. At almost 4 months. Don't know what happened. One minute it is marriage and kids, next minute I am the worst ever. What can you do. Clearly, they have issues beyond the relationship. Like they needed an excuse to get out.

Best thing I did has been to focus on me. Eat healthy and exercise and live. Allowing yourself to have fun and spend time with family and friends as best as possible helps. I decided to simply keep the lines of communication open and agreeing that there are many outcomes to what can happen. However, I am always moving forward

[Hollyj]

Are you me? I was in the same situation as you 6 weeks ago, everything crumbled so fast, it was a slap in the face, everything was going really well between us we talked about marriage, the name of our kids etc you know the drill. Suddenly, he was distant and told me that his feelings were not the same as before after almost 3 years of dating. Right after the break-up I always thought his reasons for breaking up with me were not sufficient enough: ''it's not you, it's me'' ''I don't feel the same as before'' etc. Even though he never told me this, I just came up with the conclusion that he never actually fell IN love with me, but was rather in the infatuation stage for about 2 years + almost 1 year of questioning and denying his feelings since it was his first long term relationship (and we got along really well...so hella confusing). But I can tell you today, only after 6 weeks, that I don't care anymore. Just the fact that he left me is enough reason to not want him back and just move on.

 

Honestly, a part of me is glad he left because it will shape me for the better and gives me time to focus on myself. I've also acquired great wisdom about relationships, love and emotions. I thought he was the man of my life, but I love myself damn too much to be doubted by a significant other.

 

Do no contact, go out with friends and meet new people. It truly helps

 

Great attitude!!!!

[Dottieflanogon]

Well better now than later? I think I would have to distance myself from him to preserve my sanity, heart and ego .He showed you "the door" - So now he needs to understand the repercussions of his decision, right? That's the adult way in reality...You can't jerk someone's feelings around and be "hot and cold" and who knows? He may come around yet... hope you feel better about it all soon

[ambreaux405]

Are you me? I was in the same situation as you 6 weeks ago, everything crumbled so fast, it was a slap in the face, everything was going really well between us we talked about marriage, the name of our kids etc you know the drill. Suddenly, he was distant and told me that his feelings were not the same as before after almost 3 years of dating. Right after the break-up I always thought his reasons for breaking up with me were not sufficient enough: ''it's not you, it's me'' ''I don't feel the same as before'' etc. Even though he never told me this, I just came up with the conclusion that he never actually fell IN love with me, but was rather in the infatuation stage for about 2 years + almost 1 year of questioning and denying his feelings since it was his first long term relationship (and we got along really well...so hella confusing). But I can tell you today, only after 6 weeks, that I don't care anymore. Just the fact that he left me is enough reason to not want him back and just move on.

 

Honestly, a part of me is glad he left because it will shape me for the better and gives me time to focus on myself. I've also acquired great wisdom about relationships, love and emotions. I thought he was the man of my life, but I love myself damn too much to be doubted by a significant other.

 

Do no contact, go out with friends and meet new people. It truly helps

 

 

Your post just made my night. Seriously, you are so right. It doesn't matter how he may or may not feel in the future...the simple fact that he was so willing to give up in the first place is enough. I don't deserve someone who will just give up on me like that. None of us do. Thanks!

[overthemoon86]

Sorry you are going through this...it feels really disappointing. That one minute everything is going great and the next he isn't am sure any more. One thing is for certain is that you don't deserve that kind of treatment. He walked away from you and the relationship, that is really concrete and brings into question everything he said. Best thing you can do is hold your head high, look towards your future, move on and don't look back.

[jessie89]

This happened to me too! After 18 months my ex wasn't sure about his feelings. He dragged out his doubts and distancing for MONTHS before I had finally had enough and left him. He was devastated. The thing that hurt me was that he blamed it all on me. And also during this time, he became even more controlling and jealous because he assumed I'd be getting attention elsewhere because he was starving me of his. I'd just had enough and left. I've had a few smoke signals from him (it's been 7 months) and small bits of contact from his side but it's probably his ego and pride hurting. I did everything for that man and he NEVER appreciated it and still always treated me like I wasn't good enough. That's ok, I feel fine now because I'm free from that and free to find someone who does appreciate me.