I'm really confused and I want my soulmate back

[Iwantherback88]

I wonder if you can help me?

 

I was married (currently in the process of getting divorced), but that Is not the issue. I got over it and met a new girl, she's just turned 27 and I've turned 36. We met up and she said she didn't want a boyfriend yet as she just got out of a relationship and wanted to get her head straight so was going to give herself from April to September for that. She said that years earlier she had been diagnosed with depression and had never fully got over it and didn't feel like herself. She said that usually she is like me happy and cheery all the time but not now. I think she's like this anyway. Despite this we kept going out for food and drinks, she stayed over lots and I met her parents (they divorced and I think this set off depression in her from 7/8 years ago). At her mums one day she said "I need to spend more time with you" and threw her arms round me. About a week later she told me to ask her to be my girlfriend so I did and she said yes. I was overjoyed and we grew very close.

 

Everything was going great but due to a family death and her pet dying she went back into a depressed mode. She had her ups and downs, but her downs were when I wasn't with her. We got her through it and had an awesome summer. She was then moving to London, about 100 miles from me as she wants to be an actress. She got really low and I asked her if we were alright and she said yes of course, but like an idiot I kept asking. Eventually she said that she needed some space to get her head together and try and sort her career. The next day she was checking to see how I was (not good) and she was saying "I love you and if this is ever to work with us in the long run then I need to sort myself out, put myself first etc. Tell people at work that because I'm moving we decided on a little break. You still have my love and I won't take yours for granted". I said that I didn't want our break to last forever and she said "me neither, not right now". Also, "I think you're amazing too which is why I want to give you my best". I then said "If you think of the life we would have together then I think you'd agree that it would be flipping amazing" and she said "it would if I can be on one level and not up and down unless we are together". What I think she means is that she actually isn't up and down when we are together. Over the last week or so I have had to put up with her photos of nights out on Facebook including birthday celebrations which I should have been at. I told her happy birthday and she said thank you and that my card was sweet.

 

What is going on? I want her back so bad. We never argued, got on like a house on fire and our parents loved both of us. People would comment and say that "he just gets you". Before we got together her mum said, "If she can't have you she'll want you and that she is worried about messing up something that could be forever". We both loved spending time with each other and I don't want to give up fighting for her, but I'm worried that she'll forget how she feels about me now her work and living arrangements have changed.

 

Another relative says she is craving stability and is running away from her feelings. Is this her depression talking? Is this normal??

 

I've had mild depression myself before and my ex was depressed so I do have quite a good understanding of it. But now i'm really confused. I know she loves me and misses me but won't admit it now. She is putting her feelings to one side but i'm sure she is struggling with this.

 

It's a strange situation as we came out of the blue and I think that the depression and her need for space to get herself right on her own has driven it. Despite her knowing that we are so good together. I know she still loves me and this is killing me.

 

Please help me, I'm at a loss. It’s been over a month since I last saw her and every day is as bad as the last.

 

 

Thanks

[overthemoon86]

Why did you marriage fail?

[Iwantherback88]

Because my wife was constantly cheating and lying then walked out on me. I picked myself up and everything was great. No emotional baggage from the experience either.

I don't think that this is a reason though as it never was and my gf knew about this before we even went out on our first date, which she asked for.

[dave_1966]

Perhaps avoid women who want to move to London to be an actress, and find someone with a more stable life?

[Iwantherback88]

Perhaps avoid women who want to move to London to be an actress, and find someone with a more stable life?

 

Can't help who you fall for.

The distance isn't the issue at all. I'd move should I need to. It's more her shutting her feelings off that I find so hard. She has told me she loves me and what we shared was incredible and she knows it.

[Ms Darcy]

Can't help who you fall for ... guess then you'll just keep hopelessly falling for women who are not emotionally available to you ...

[overthemoon86]

Can't help who you fall for ... guess then you'll just keep hopelessly falling for women who are not emotionally available to you ...

 

Exactly this. She is not emotionally available for you. If she was, you wouldn't be in this yo-yo

[jennylove]

Holy hell!!!!!

[bulletproof]

Can't help who you fall for ... guess then you'll just keep hopelessly falling for women who are not emotionally available to you ...

 

Absolutely agree with this. You have an ex-wife and now an ex-gf that were not emotionally available. Do you see the pattern?

 

I think this is a lot of drama for such a short relationship. I also think you sound very passive in the respect that your life just "happens" to you. You've "had to put up with" photos on fb, for example- you do realize that it's a choice to look at those? Also, you actually *can* help who you fall for. You are not a passive observer of your own life.

 

Perhaps use this breakup to change some things about yourself that are holding you back.