Everything he said was a lie, but he still wants to keep seeing me

[rubyred09]

In may this year I asked him out. He said yes, but he had to cancel last minute. It happened once more and I told him if he didn't actually want to go all he needs to do is say so, he promised me he did and a week later we went out. It wasn't a traditional date, we didn't do much talking, and he was my first. We went out a couple more times, and we talked nearly every day, he was calling me sweetheart and honey and sweetie and he jokingly proposed 5 times (I didn't take that to mean he truly wanted to marry me, but it seemed something that you don't really joke around about with too many people). He had promised to drive me downtown for an appointment with my surgeon, because I couldn't get there alone, I was still in a sling and I wouldn't be able to get through public transit like that. A week prior to the appointment he cancelled, then he cancelled five more plans that he had made with me (most being a make up for the one previous) all in a week. I told him he needed to either own up, tell me what was going on, or get his life together, or **** off. He took a day to reply, and he said he'd been having family problems and everyone had been arguing all day and he was in a bad place and had migraine and he promised to explain tomorrow, he just needed sleep. Three weeks later I get a text from him and he says he's just returned from a week long spiritual journey and believes he's plastered his life back together. I said "I'm glad?" And tried move on with my life. Three weeks after that I'd been thinking about him nonstop, I'd never been so hung up on anyone and I trusted my gut and thought that meant he was something special, maybe he had changed. I told him I wanted to talk and he happily obliged and when I told him everything I felt, how much I liked him he swept me into a kiss and took me to dinner. He'd said last time he wasn't looking for a committed relationship but it was exclusive, so I wasn't texting him, as hard as it was I only contacted him to ask when he was free. He then texted me two weeks later apologising for having not been keeping in close contact and he'd been really busy. That was 2 months ago and he's been telling me he'd love to take me as his date places and he'd love to come to my works dinner as my date and he really appreciates all the support I give him and his feelings come out in subtle ways but that doesn't mean they're not there. Last night he told me he felt smothered, we talked more than he had ever talked to anyone before and it was too much. He said I don't need your support and I don't have any feelings for you. He went on to say anytime he'd ever said anything sentimental it was because I'd set up the conversation that way and he didn't know what else to say. According to him every time I've asked if he was okay he's taken a while to reply and I should've gotten the hint. His last messages were "I just need space" "I feel smothered" "I want to keep seeing you". He's destroyed all trust I have in him, Id just told him things this weekend I'd never told anyone, and he knew that, he asked me to tell him. I'd told him millions of times to just say what's on his mind, to just communicate. I'd started this second chapter with a big talk about my feelings for him and he's acting like its some sort of recent development. I'd just told my parents who disapproved because of what happened with the cancelling this weekend that I was seeing him again and I forgave and trusted him. I'd just confirmed that he was coming to the dinner to my boss two minutes before he started all this crap because he said we were good to go for the dinner. The only damn feelings I have now are sickness and hurt. And he wants to keep seeing me.

[greta96]

He wants to see you, but only on his terms, and until he meets someone else he actually likes and wants to start a relationship with. His actions, just like his words, show that he sees you as a filler, an in-between, I can't think of anything more insulting a guy can tell a woman who clearly worships him than "I don't have feeling for you". He is right about one thing, that after the crappy treatment he's fed you all along, you should have gotten the hint. You should have left when he kept making plans only to cancel them.

Now if you think I sound harsh, let me tell you that I have been in your shoes and done exactly the same, minus the smothering. But I did give quite a few chances to a dude who would make plans only to break them soon after, who would say he'd call the following day and I wouldn't hear back from him for a week or longer, etc. So I'm not telling you all this from a position of superiority, I'm telling you this because I know how much power certain people can have over us, how stupid they make us feel and act, and how impossible it is to say no to them. But guess what? If you want to stop being miserable, you have to be strong and give him the boot. I "broke up" with my guy against my heart's desire, because I couldn't take his careless behavior anymore. I would have loved to keep seeing him, but my self worth was taking a beating and eventually I had to say "enough is enough". If I could do it, so can you.

 

So, stop giving him chances. He has shown you *and* told you that he's not interested in anything meaningful and serious with you. If you're hoping eventually things will change, the answer is no, they won't. This is the most he can do for you, because this is how far his interest in you goes. He is treating you like an option, if he has nothing better to do that day. If something more interesting comes up, he'll break the plans with you. Yes, he still wants you around, because he needs someone who adores him to give him ego boosts when needed, sexual release and act as a toy whenever he's bored. Is this enough for you? I don't think so.

Who cares he still wants to "see" you? (note that he never mentions a relationship). You tell him you don't want to see him, that he's had his chances and blew each and every one of them, and that you're now moving on to someone who can give you exactly what you want - a relationship, love, loyalty and respect. This dude will never give you any of those.

Be smart and end this mess, you have nothing to gain if you keep "seeing" him.

 

PS - this is how mine started too, *I* asked him out and he said yes, then cancelled. I should have gotten the hint right then and there, and so should you.

[SooSad33]

This has been going on since May?

Why, may I ask would you consider inviting HIM to a dinner with your boss?

 

I suggest you do NOT invite someone who's so wishy washy and uncertain to a dinner with someone like a boss.

 

If I were you, with all he's said, I would have walked away when he admitted feeling smothered and where he destroyed your trust...

[LC8328]

He is toying with your affections.

 

You don't need this toxic strangeness. He wants to treat you like dirt and still have the option of seeing you.

 

Show him that you're not his toy. Stop seeing him, and block him as well.

 

You deserve someone who respects you.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, I'm sorry this happened to you but here is something for you to always know, without a doubt: When someone cancels dates and the ability to be with you five times they are pretty much telling you that that don't value you and they wish you'd just break up with them.

 

Anyone who was wanting you, would jump at the chance to be with you. Please remember that on your next adventure in dating.

 

Here's an old book that applies directly to your situation. Please pick it up at your local library or order it online: "He's Just Not That Into You." It's a light read that tells you all you ever need to know when gauging a guys interest in you.