No spark, I want to be platonic friends with her, but is she upset?

[RainyCoast]

deleted. inappropriate.

 

yes, i read your post and replied. one would need to have a lot of issues to consider pua lessons the textbook for making FRIENDS- or would have to be trolling themselves. either way, a remarkable, impressive fail. i hope you have it framed.

[Cascade]

that wasn't how your post read to me. most people do not put this much contriving into making friends. because most are not trying to make friends by turning unwilling people into willing ones. friendships are made of parties who are all willing and interested. coercing implies a different kind of motive and different kind of interest.

 

she's not a gem, don't get me wrong. not picking the girl's side. but you're the poster, not her. i agree you'd get more done by being honest with yourself and the responsers here.

 

Ok well you should have said that in the previous message, as it sounded like you were not reading my messages or were trying to make a "straw man" argument with me.

I simply am curious why the situation is the way it is, I analyse things to learn from them.

My mind works this way, it is highly analytical and not many people understand me, but basically I think like a computer, best way to describe it.

I am also incapable of true love, I just see people as what they can offer me and what i can offer them.

To me there is no love in life but only a set of exchanges and everyone is trying to get something from eachother, but there can be beneficial trades made etc.

Maybe this gives you more insight into my mind.

[RainyCoast]

Allright, thank you for the non-combative reply. I appologize for my own.

 

I am also incapable of true love, I just see people as what they can offer me and what i can offer them.

that's helpful, that you can recognize that. eventually you will probably want this issue sorted out. for now, you seem to want fwb arrangements. which can work perfectly well for some people, and isn't "grounds for prosecution" either. but it does mean you'll have to seek people who share that interest.

 

have you thought about the possible reasons behind your persistence to keep pursuing this particular girl (as a friend or otherwise)?

[Cascade]

i put a lot of effort into repelling cases like you and am always happy to see the fruits of that labor ;-).

 

yes, i read your post and replied. one would need to have a lot of issues to consider pua lessons the textbook for making FRIENDS- or would have to be trolling themselves. either way, a remarkable, impressive fail. i hope you have it framed.

 

I did reply to your last message, I think there was a misunderstanding.

In any case I am not sure you truly understand me.

I don't think PUA is good, but it has good core aspects.

In any case I am not going to describe my life history right now, but if you want to know it I can explain, but I won't bother to explain if nobody is going to read it, as that's a waste of writing.

 

I think women can be good as friends only and no sex.

I get sex quite easily, so this has the benefit of me being able to be friends with a woman without having massive urges to have sex with her, as I am getting it elsewhere.

I am actually more feminist than most women given my views.

How many men say they won't be friends with a woman who friendzones them? A LOT!

So I am the opposite, and yet you can't accept that.

I simply brought up the topic since it is unusual, as originally I was interested in her, but now I only want to be friends, however as in everything with opposite sex things, there is bound to be misunderstandings of what the other assumes or thinks etc, and this is the point of this thread.

[RainyCoast]

it takes a bit more than seeing someone a few times to feel so strongly about wanting to be friends with them. this one is probably a lost cause in that regard also.

 

but hypothetically- if she agreed to only be friends, would you be certain she wouldn't be using that relationship also as simply ego fodder? she thrives on male attention, apparently, so would this truly be a friendship? i mean even if it was on your part, the way she views male interest might mean that's how she'd continue to experience the dynamic.

 

either way, if it was you trying to milk benefits out of her in sexual form-- or her trying to milk ego benefits out of you: you'd neither be getting what you wanted. and there's little that suggests you'd be very likely to get a genuine friendship. the "misunderstandings" in opposite sex friendships that you mention seem to grow abundantly on this type of arrangements precisely.

 

i hope that makes more sense.

[Cascade]

Allright, thank you for the non-combative reply. I appologize for my own.

 

that's helpful, that you can recognize that. eventually you will probably want this issue sorted out. for now, you seem to want fwb arrangements. which can work perfectly well for some people, and isn't "grounds for prosecution" either. but it does mean you'll have to seek people who share that interest.

 

have you thought about the possible reasons behind your persistence to keep pursuing this particular girl (as a friend or otherwise)?

 

Apology accepted, I also apologise for me going off the rails a bit there, it was a misunderstanding.

 

Well I thought maybe for 1 thing this is unusual this situation, so it obviously interests me.

Clearly if she does not want to be friends I have to accept this, but it makes me wonder why.

The whole "women and men can't be friends thing" comes to play.

As Clarisse said above, that I may have gone too far with saying I am dating other women.

 

I am just a very straight forward person who says it as it is most of the time and I do not really think how someone will perceive it.

I say what I think when I want to how I feel like and that's me in a nutshell.

It causes me to be polarising most times... people tend to hate or love me.

 

Another thing is that with my own style of PUA (I guess we can say "PUA" to make it simple) I became totally unaffected by rejections when I approach a woman for her number, to the point other men admire me for it.

However I guess I have a soft underbelly where if someone doesn't want to be my friend then it affects me more than being rejected as a sexual partner.

Sounds odd, but I am just taking a self-analysing guess at myself.

 

My history in dating has been that I tend to get many sexual encounters with the ladies, but nothing long lasting (even when I want it to be) regardless of the sex or whatever, my main flaw is I am not organised in my life and I am erratic and have no direction.

This means that basically from what I have worked out, that women are fine to have sexual flings or one night stands, and no matter how good the sex is, there is always that lingering issue of my alcohol usage etc and disorganisation and also my arguing style which is confrontational.

This seems to make great for flings but useless for long term relationships.

 

I am ADHD, not sure if this affects things.

Many women have said I have amazing eyes and they love the sex (I know this for a fact due to their actions), but yeah other than that I am basically not good boyfriend material.

I do want to be with someone though, and this is the problem, as I am in a catch 22 situation.

In the end I feel I just need to go to my strengths by focusing on playing the field, but this won't make me happy long term as I will be old and alone if I follow that path.

[mhowe]

What is the extent of your alcohol usage?

When you say disorganized, what specifically does that entail?

 

Are you employed...in a job or on a career path?

[notalady]

OP you seem highly self aware which is great. I note one thing from your initial post and bits and pieces from later is that you seem to not be able to empathise and be considerate of how others feel (in this case, this particular girl), to put it bluntly, you come accross as self centred and disrespectful.

 

Not all women want to be kissed on the first date or two, and not all men expect it to happen then. To hold on to the concept that it has to be this way means that potentially you act in a way that disrespects someone's boundaries. In most of my dating history, a kiss didn't happen until the third or fourth date. I've even implicitly turned down a kissing attempt from my current bf on the second date because I just wasn't ready. I see the fact that you declared to her you won't try kissing her again in the manner which you did as blunt and rude. It'd be a completely different story if you had said " I understand that you may not have been comfortable with my kissing attempts, so I won't be trying again. I'll leave the ball in your court from now."

 

Following this, after she said she just wants to be friends, you told her you had been dating and sleeping with other women. Again, you might call it being direct, I call it being disrespectful. It is the equivalent of spitting in her face for rejecting you. Despite you didn't feel chemistry with her, your ego took a hit, so you hit back. Everyone has the freedom to date others unless having agreed on exclusivity, but this need not be declared and it is crass to share your dating and sex life with someone who you had been on dates with.

 

To me, it is all about respect for another human being, male or female. That respect seems to be lacking here, rather it is about using people for your own gains. And that's what stood out to me in the whole situation and that's why I feel, without knowing you better and aside from your other issues with organisation etc, why it might be hard for you to maintain a long term relationship.