Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 My fiance and i recently broke up we just got a house together and she has 3 children from a previous relationship. The kids and me got along great took to calling dad became my world and my children. A month ago she broke up with me and i moved my stuff out. I went no contact for 2 weeks and she was texting me angerly for the 1st week then nothing. I have been paying the rent for this month to give her piece of mind and to keep the kids with a roof over there head without me there the bills will be hard for her to handle. I recently wrote her a letter and let her know i loved her and have realized my mistakes sought counseling for things in my past and am in a better place now. I miss my kids she doesnt let me see them or text me anything about them etc. We are not talking currently and my son had a birthday yesterday and the gifts were delivered to his grandmother. Im lost as to what to do and what the right things are to do. I dont want her as a friend im into forever and marriage and family as was she but now we just dont talk and its like i never exsisted to her. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Why exactly did she dump you? Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thats a great question probably the biggest question i have we had an argument and it centered around still being friends with her exs sister but not that the friendship was the issue the fact she wouldnt tell me who it was etc and i being a dbag took it too another level telling her she was lying jealousy and i security kicked in and trying to be right as many a stubborn men do. It wasnt a break up it was like im done and i said fine and she asked me to leave and i went and moved everything out of the house. Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 But in all fairness ive come to realize why or at least my take on why she felt i was going to leave 1 day i acted like i didnt want to be there sometimes not that i actually felt that way but my atitude etc. Not giving her a sense of stability or a future. I went about those things in a different way paying the bills taking care of the kids doing the house chores all things a man should do in my opinion in a partnership Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 "I recently wrote her a letter and let her know i loved her and have realized my mistakes sought counseling for things in my past and am in a better place now." - You're in a better place now.. already?? You've only been apart a month.. right? I think there should be a little more time.. on your own and a bit more work done.. in order for things to really be 'improved'. As for you covering all the bills there, etc... while you are apart, she could always look into some assistance, being a single mom, on her own there. So you dont have to work so hard on keeping up with where you are now AND where she is. Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 As for the changes being quick they were always there and needed i actually just put the time in and stopped being stubborn etc. I knew my problems and they were family related and talking to my family about things released alot and were easy to move on from it was bottled up. Ive moved on from my own personal issues and now tackling the relationship issues are obviously more time consuming. I feel bad not knowing about the house and if they can survive etc but im sure she has a plan or family to help but by not helping i feel im not doing what im should do. And the lack of communication with the kids is hard i dont want them to feel abandoned etc. Link to comment
appies Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 As for the changes being quick they were always there and needed i actually just put the time in and stopped being stubborn etc. I knew my problems and they were family related and talking to my family about things released alot and were easy to move on from it was bottled up. Ive moved on from my own personal issues and now tackling the relationship issues are obviously more time consuming. I feel bad not knowing about the house and if they can survive etc but im sure she has a plan or family to help but by not helping i feel im not doing what im should do. And the lack of communication with the kids is hard i dont want them to feel abandoned etc. In fairness, I know you care for them but they're her kids from a previous relationship. You can't help them anymore as it was her choice. I'm sure its hard for them but I'm sure they understand that they were not abandoned by you. Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Exactly i understand their her kids and she has every right to keep them away but doesnt keeping someone in their life who took care of them matter to a mother i hear alot of mothers upset dads dont step up to the plate etc and i took them on as my own and have done everything for them what would be the purpose of keeping them away? Anyways all responses are welcomed and thank you. Link to comment
appies Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Well if you two are broken up don't you think that would confuse them to have you in the picture? Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I wouldnt think so but thats my opinion spending time with the person they consider dad wouldnt be a bad thing in my mind much like a divorce kids still see both parents. They have other father figures their grandfathers etc in their lives but never had a dad persay so why break that bond? I think in the long run it does more damage to the kids who should be 1st regardless of other issues. But on the same token technically they arent my responsibility and i can see that point but that doesnt stop someone from wanting to be a parent or make sure they have what they need. Link to comment
ChellyV Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I think with the tone of your messages that you are still considering getting back together. If so then do it! Life is short. And most of all, affirm and act on the changes that you yourself thought was needed. Talk it out. Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 I think reconciliation might happen or might not i refuse to beat myself up dsily wondering or worrying about that but it is something i want or would like yes. But it doesnt go well when it seems im the only 1 who wants that. As she hasnt contacted me in a few days. I really dont know her feelings or what she wants. I explained in the letter i wrote which has been the only source of contact in 2 weeks i wasnt going to be a friend i desired love and a future and a partnership and she hasnt replied or reached out. In the mean time ive gotten on with my life and focused on myself. I still think about her and the kids often dont get me wrong but it seems 1 sided in the getting back together area so i just leave it alone. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I think since she gave you the heave ho you need to respect her decision and stay out of her life and the kids lives. They're not your kids or your responsibility. You are more than likely just going to annoy her. How is it going to work when she finds someone else? Break off all contact and move on. Link to comment
Snubzp Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Good advice and yes i dont contact her or the children or try to me that would be pushing a boundary i dont choose too. A mom sharing her life her children is a very intimate thing i would assume. But alas im here seeking opinions right? As far as the relationship goes im continuing NC and focused on my career etc. Shes quite stubborn as am i and i feel that we may never talk again not for a lack of wanting to just that its easier to be stubborn so who knows. But i did tell her its either a future or nothing and if thr NC Continues from both sides ill have my answer right? Any suggestions on that aspect or just stick to my guns and do life? Link to comment
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