Inter-religious dating and companionship

[monkeysblood]

Firstly, apologies the wordy and slightly pretentious title!

 

Basically, I am Jewish and young and single (male, but doesn't make much difference to the question). There aren't really many young Jewish people who live where I currently live. I am looking to potentially move away to another area in the next year or two, where there will be a larger Jewish population.

 

So, until then, I will be looking to date women who are local, and obviously of a different religion. I've had one night things before, but I'm not really after that now, and I want something a bit more than that. These will still be short term though.

 

Part of the problem is is that I still live with my parents. The question I have is what to say if they find out, as it will be frowned upon.

 

Now, the reason why I'd be dating local women is really for the companionship (someone to talk to, but also a bit physical too). By the way, I will make her aware that this will only be short term (I've read up on how to do this politely, and would do this as a courtesy, no matter what her religion is). I also wouldn't bring her back home.

 

So, in the event that my parents find out, do you have any suggestions of good ways to politely explain my side to them, that gives them a positive view of the situation?

[Batya33]

I would only date a woman who is looking for dating that is more focused on activities -more platonic - and maybe say you are looking to relocate -so don't bring up the religion and no issue about introducing the woman to your parents because it will be a casual dating relationship.

[monkeysblood]

Thanks for that, but you know people can be like - "I'm off to buy a dress for the wedding", or some other such rubbish. My parents will likely never meet her, just what to say if they find out. I suppose I could say it's just platonic, and hope they don't pick it up as a lie.

[Batya33]

Just say it's a new friend who you like to see new movies with/go bowling with, etc.

[monkeysblood]

So, basically don't mention the "romantic" bit at all?

 

But, what happens if they find out from someone who's seen us kiss or hold hands or anything more than what friends would do?

[Batya33]

I would just continue the just friends part. Also consider dating someone who is Jewish, from a neighboring town/

[LoveSoDeep]

So what you're saying is there aren't many Jewish girls in your area so you're planning to just date casually and keep this all from your parents....be careful how you phrase that....some girls could hear "You're not good enough to be my girlfriend, but I'll hang out with (and probably sleep with you) you for now." That won't go over well.

 

It sounds like what you really want is a secret FWB. You don't want anything serious and you don't want your family to find out so what you really want is a FWB. It sounds like you're young and it's totally acceptable to just want FWB. The thing to remember is to be upfront from the very beginning. The last thing you want is to get involved with a girl who wants serious right away and by telling them you only want FWB the serious minded ones will screen themselves out.

[toby17]

Seriously no, I don't have any sympathy for you. You want to date some girl and tell her it's not serious but you want something more than casual even though you know you're going to be moving in another year or so (what does that mean anyway?).

 

And you're worried about what your bigoted parents will say. Because let's face it, if you're sleeping with these girls, it's not like you're from some Orthodox sect or anything so this doesn't sound like a religious issue just that they would like you to date some nice Jewish girl.

 

If that's the case, just tell them that you're sleeping with some Gentile because it's easy and convenient and you're not planning to settle down and the girl knows that. End of.

 

Alternatively, leave the local girls alone and get one of those 3 fap things that are trending right now.

[catfeeder]

Since you're seeing the practical problems with deception, why not just spell out the problem to your folks, tell them you're lonely and ask whether they'll consider subsidizing you to live in an area with more Jewish women to meet?

[Batya33]

I don't think it's necessarily bigoted that his parents want him to marry within the Jewish faith -depends on why. If it's a religious reason, fine, if it's some anti-non-Jewish people thing, not fine (and it doesn't sound like they would have a problem with him having non-Jewish friends).

 

The other thing to do is long distance with someone living in the location you plan to move to soon.

[monkeysblood]

Let's not get too much into the relationship part, or looking at alternatives.

 

Whatever type of relationship I have, what would be a good thing to say to my parents so they don't think it's serious? (If something does become more serious in future, then I'll deal with that then.)

[IAmFCA]

Let's not get too much into the relationship part, or looking at alternatives.

 

Whatever type of relationship I have, what would be a good thing to say to my parents so they don't think it's serious? (If something does become more serious in future, then I'll deal with that then.)

 

Ignoring whether your parents think it's okay to date shiksas or whether they will think that is a waste of your time and/or somewhat disrespectful behavior... I mean, isn't this the same as, I need sex, but don't worry, we won't marry...

 

I would say, this is my friend Jenny, we have xx activity together.

 

There is not much else you can do. It is almost never polite to point out the limits of your relationships to others.