He's emotional because of break up but now he's angry at me because..

[Yusa]

First I have to apologize for my poor English because it's not my native language.

 

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me in August after being 1,5 years being together. I'm 22 years old and he's 4 years older than I am.

 

This is the second time he broke up with me. This first time was because of our parents who don't really accept our relationship because our different religions. We came back together because we thought my parents would accept it after a few months and he couldn't let me go. He missed me and such things.

 

After a half year the sh*t began again, parents were ing and such. Sometimes he became angry at me because of them.. He took some distance and sometimes he ignored me. Religion shouldn't stand between two persons in a relationship and it didn't, but parents made a big deal about it. So it actually had a influence on us.. They didn't want us to be together. His mom said to him the last month every day: "You have to break up with her before we go on vacation! Why didn't you broke up already with that girl!?" So.. yeah.., and almost the same things happened to me a few months ago.

 

Because of all of this I got depressed at the end of February-March. I told him what happened, but he didn't understand what a depression is and he said things as "How can you be depressed and feel lonely?.. Just go out and meet up with some friends then!" He also didn't understood that I needed him the most and his support. When it comes to emotions he had a hard time because he's a man that doesn't want to show his emotions and he's really stubborn. Also he really loves himself.., sometimes I thought he had some narcistic parts in his personality.

 

When I said I needed him and I wanted he took some initiative in our relationship he sometimes throwed the Silent Treatment on me and I hate that kind of childish behavior. Because of this I sunk more in my depression.

 

In August he broke up with me and he was really weird. First he told me he wanted to meet up in the weekend to talk and close this chapter. When I asked about it a few days later he told me he was really busy. This kept going for almost 3 weeks. When I became angry (called him and told how I felt).

 

Mid September we met up and he was really emotional, more than I was. He told me he didn't knew that I really needed him that much that time. He didn't knew I had suicidal thoughts. I think he forgot it when I told him back then or he didn't wanted to listen because he was mad at me for some reason.

He cried and hugged me and apologized himself for what happened. He said he still loved me but not "like it was before" and he still cared about me.

 

After the meeting we still texted for a week, but I said I didn't wanted to be friends because I still have feelings. I can't be friends with someone who I love.. He told me he can't cut me out of his life that easily but he understood what I said and wanted to respect that.

 

He also owes me money which he borrowed from me. So I only contacted him for that reason. This week (Wednesday) I contacted him and he said he would text me about it tomorrow (Thursday). Thursday in the evening he contacted me about it and he said he'll start to return it next week. I told him I wanted it by Friday. He said okay.

 

Some weeks ago and last Sunday I asked him if he wanted to keep our Shared Folder on Dropbox. He didn't replied on both messages. Because of this I thought he didn't wanted anything to do with it. That's why I decided to delete the files in the Folder. I made a file which I called "Goodbye and take care x". After some minutes I was a rage text from him.

 

He told me that if I didn't wanted the Shared Folder I'd to leave it by myself. It were his memories and pictures too. "Well, maybe you've a reason for it. Keep those pictures for yourself I don't want those memories anymore".

 

I tried to explain how I understood this situation, that he didn't replied to my texts about this subject. He said "Well, if I didn't replied it means I didn't read it!" I told him I asked him twice but he kept being angry. I told him I was putting those files back, but he said: "I don't feel like talking about this all. You made a stupid decision by deleting it.. You don't even allow me to keep these memories. Fine, I left the folder. I've never been so disappointed in you. Usually you ask the same things 10 times. We'll only text about the money from now on.. Good by for real.".

 

I sent him one last message after this all, I was really shocked by his reaction:

"One last thing: I hope you'll realize that this isn't how it works. If you haven't reacted on both my text messages I won't ask you the same question 10 times more. In my eyes you wouldn't reply my texts so that's why I made that decision. I'm not going to run after you every time.. I'd clearly asked you if you wanted this Shared Folder..

If someone's silent or ignoring me a number of times, it means to me: "I've no interest in it or in you".

I would never delete the memories because of this reasons you say..

Yes, you can be angry or disappointed or whatever, but reacting like that and staying stubborn after I apologized and told why I did it? Well, too bad. It's your choice to keep thinking like that. Good night". He only replied with "gn".

 

Yesterday I sent him a mail with the link to the shared map. I told him if he still wanted it he could reach it by the link of just join the map again. He said "Thank you, but no thanks". I didn't replied on this mail.. Should I send those files anyway or just leave it how it is now? I understand what he meant and I know now I'd to ask it him again if he wanted to keep the shared map. But I happened many times that he didn't replied after 20 times asking. I thought he just didn't want to talk about it or it didn't bothered him.. I was upset by it and I thought "maybe I should delete it then..". I mean, he replied to other texts I sent him but ignored that part. I already apologized for what I did. I don't know if it's a good idea to send a text about this all out of the blue.. I also find it awkward to reach out at him again because he's mad at me.

 

Since then he didn't said a word. I feel miserable now.. I still love him and want him back, but not how he's acting right now. I found his reaction really childish.. Why does he react like this and became so angry after everything I said? I gave him a letter when we met and this week he said he became really emotional and he cried when he read it. It bothers him how negative I experienced the last period with him. He doesn't like it at all. He hopes I can focus on the good times we were together. It was emotional for him to 'relive' our relationship (because of the letter I wrote) because it's really over now..

 

I don't know what I should do now, should I let it be like this and go in NC? I don't really know if I should reach out at him first after NC.. I don't know if he's still angry at me.

 

 

I hope you all can get through this long post lol.. Thanks in advance.

 

~ Yusa

[ThatwasThen]

Leave it so that it's deleted from him and then block and delete him from being able to contact you and make you second guess everything you say and do with this miserable man.

 

He knew his parents wouldn't agree to you being in their son's life but he got you involved with him anyway. You knew that as well so you made a mistake going back to him. His crying was no reason for you to think that he was going to forsake his devotion to what his parents want for him.

 

His childish behaviour is (or should be) beyond you ever wanting to please him again. He is unpleasable and like a petulant little boy who expects you to know what his decision should be. I think you will find that, in time, you will be more then glad that you no longer have this boy in your life. Going zero contact now will enable you to be glad he's gone that much more quickly then if you keep trying to ingratiate yourself into his good graces. He's really not worth your effort, particularly when he won't go against his parents wishes.

 

Now it is time for you to look after your own emotional interests, to realize that this man is just a sock puppet for his parents and what they deem for him. He will never be yours when they own him like they do.

[SooSad33]

It all takes time to accept and recover from a break up.

Best thing for YOU is to STOP all interactions with him now. Let him deal with this on his own.

 

You're both emotional, confused, etc.

Do NOT keep contacting him. he just makes you more emotional. You don't owe him anything.... he isn't handling his emotions properly at all and seems to be 'acting out' towards you in a rude manner.

 

"I feel miserable now.. I still love him and want him back, but not how he's acting right now."

- In time you WILL come to realize it was not a healthy relationship and you won't want him back.

 

You both need your own down time to work on this and to accept it's done.

[Yusa]

Well, he wasn't that scared of losing his family (parents, mostly his mom).. that's what he told me: If people couldn't be happy for him/us than it's better to not have any contact with them. His cousin (who lives 5 minutes away from me) and some other family members loved us as a couple, so it isn't like his whole family hated our relationship. It were the older people and unfortunately his mother who really disliked me..

 

But yes, he's someone who gives up easily (in my eyes) when things become hard/difficult.

[Yusa]

It all takes time to accept and recover from a break up.

Best thing for YOU is to STOP all interactions with him now. Let him deal with this on his own.

 

You're both emotional, confused, etc.

Do NOT keep contacting him. he just makes you more emotional. You don't owe him anything.... he isn't handling his emotions properly at all and seems to be 'acting out' towards you in a rude manner.

 

"I feel miserable now.. I still love him and want him back, but not how he's acting right now."

- In time you WILL come to realize it was not a healthy relationship and you won't want him back.

 

You both need your own down time to work on this and to accept it's done.

 

Yes.., I guess I've to force myself to not contact him in any way.. I miss him so much.. I think he also deleted my phone number, because his picture and status disappeared from Whatsapp. But he didn't unfriend me from Facebook and some friends and family members of him still got my phone number. I guess this is it... He also told me after the break up he still has some issues with committing to someone.. Months ago he told me that problem wasn't a big deal anymore, I even told him to seek some help if it was a big deal. But he wants to fix everything on his own. The day we saw each other he said something like "maybe we meet each other again in the future".., but I guess it's something that's said in the past now, because he's still mad at me I guess or done with me in his life? He deleted my phone number, so yeah.