MissingKay Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Hi all I'm wondering whether you can shed some light on my current situation. So I'm brand new to this...I recently signed up to online dating via a Christian site. Among the many guys who contacted me and I contacted there was one that stood out. We have many things in common and he seems really interesting, Godly and genuine. 'So what's the problem?' I hear you say. Well, the first week he contacted me we emailed each other every day and not short awkward messages...but really long essay style emails. We were really starting to get to know each other which was exciting. After week of back and forth emailing, he asked me to meet up, which I agreed to, and suggested this Saturday, which he agreed too. Pretty much since then I've not heard anything from him. Today is the 5th day of no contact. This is someone I heard from at least once a day during the first week. The date is 3 days time so really confused as to what's going on. As I said I'm new to online dating...maybe this kind of thing is normal? I don't know....what should I do? On to the next one or give him the benefit of doubt? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 You emailed enough to establish a rapport and set a date. That really is the point of the original back and forth. Now wait for the date to establish reality. The rest is just being a pen pal. Link to comment
SophieGrace Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 There's a chance he considers the day set and now wants to wait to learn about you in person rather than continuing long emails, but do wait for HIM to reach out to set the time/place. If he doesn't do so by tomorrow morning or afternoon (whatever you are comfortable with), make your own plans, and if he contacts you after that tell him you didn't hear from him so went forward with other plans. Welcome to the fabulously confusing world of OLD Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 This isn't that out of the normal. He should have set the first meeting up earlier in the week though. There is a problem with to much conversation before the meeting since you will both be nervous and will have already burned through all the usual first meeting talking points. He should contact you to confirm the date and time soon though. Since you are new to this you need to know that he is probably talking to more than just you just like you are free to talk to other men. From now on try and suggest something simple and easy during the week after work. Meet for a drink or coffee, ice cream or something easy so if it doesn't go well you both can get out pretty quickly. ALWAYS meet in a public place and never let them pick you up from your house until you know them better in person. Lost Link to comment
notalady Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Did you agree on a place and time too? Typically when I'm meeting someone from online, after setting the day for meeting in person, we'd just stop chatting online and wait to get to know each other in person. Keep sending long messages back and forth is very time consuming and exhausting. Link to comment
notalady Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 She asked what to do in relation to this particular man, she didn't ask for advice on how to meet genuine men. I never tried a religious dating website as I'm not religious (and would not date someone who is due to difference in core beliefs), but none religious online dating sites are hardly crawling of genuine men and I would assume it's the same for ANY online dating websites, religious or not. There are always those who are genuine and those who are not. If OP is Christian and want to find someone with the same beliefs, then where she's looking is not a bad place to start. Again you are throwing out accusations of religious people not being genuine. It's like saying "all men are jerks", "all women are gold diggers". In any case that is not a relevant discussion on this thread. Link to comment
MissingKay Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Hi all thanks for your advice...how interesting the world of OLD is !! Unfortunately (or fortunately...too soon to judge) we live in different cities so can't exactly meet up after work. He had offered to come over to my city for the date. This puts an added bit of pressure as its a long way to come for only a short date...should things not go well...eeeek He hasn't been online since sending me his last message...which is why I question his disappearance and not ignoring me. Anyway, so I should wait and see if I hear from him before the date...yes? Link to comment
notalady Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Hi all thanks for your advice...how interesting the world of OLD is !! Unfortunately (or fortunately...too soon to judge) we live in different cities so can't exactly meet up after work. He had offered to come over to my city for the date. This puts an added bit of pressure as its a long way to come for only a short date...should things not go well...eeeek He hasn't been online since sending me his last message...which is why I question his disappearance and not ignoring me. Anyway, so I should wait and see if I hear from him before the date...yes? Yes I'd just wait to hear from him. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Relax and keep your options open. I am sure you are getting plenty of interest on the site so don't just stop every time you agree to meet someone new or start a convo with someone. If he is smart he will confirm soon, if not I don't know what to tell you except call him out on it. "Hey ______, are we still on for _______? I have other plans if we are not going to meet" The guy may be playing it cool but if he is not careful he will cool himself right out of a date with you. Some people play the "if I am mysterious and don't contact her she will be thinking about me the whole time wondering" game. Trix are for kids as well as games. Lost Link to comment
MissingKay Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 UPDATE! So I sent Mr.disapearence-act a message just to ask what time he was thinking about arriving in my city for the date...you know so I can "plan out the rest of my day". His response (paraphrased by me): so sorry I haven't been in touch much this week. I have been very busy with work (and other activities) blah blah... Oh and I have a friend in town this weekend who has to leave on Monday, so although I REALLY want to see you I feel torn... Would you mind if we reschedule? Also I'm unavailable for the next weekend so it will have to be the weekend after that... Is that okay with you? My response: of course I don't mind, hang out with your friend, we'll meet whenever. What do you guys think of this? I'm no expert but I smell whiff of "he's just not that into you". And that's fine if that's the case, we never met so he owes me nothing, I owe him nothing, I just want to make sure I've read the situation correctly. He's casually trying to maintain the online messages, but I don't think it's wise to keep this up because: a. We could become too familiar but then not like each other if/when we do meet. b. He could do the same thing in 2 weeks time. By then I would have invested time and effort and emotions I'm not prepared to invest if nothing is to come of this. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Do nothing further. Go onto the next person you want to go on a date with. Chances are you may never hear back from this guy. Don't wait around for him, he's not that interested. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 He is either spread to thin to make time to meet you or he is so busy dating other women or he is interested but more interested in someone else right now and wants to keep you on the line just in case. If he really wanted to meet you he would make time don't you think? Like offering to meet in the middle during the week? Stop talking to him online and move on. If he makes an honest effort to meet you (on your terms) then 30 minutes out of your day for coffee is not that big of a deal but by no means waste any more time on this guy. In the few days he has flaked on you how many messages from other guys did you get? 20? 40? Find a guy in that bunch and see how things go. This guy is not worth anymore key strokes. Lost Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Yeah I'd say don't bother and move on to someone else. I know there's no way I'd say maybe 2 weekends from now let's go out if I was really interested in you. Like others said, I'd try for a weekday or something even if for just a few hours. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Hi all thanks for your advice...how interesting the world of OLD is !! Unfortunately (or fortunately...too soon to judge) we live in different cities so can't exactly meet up after work. He had offered to come over to my city for the date. This puts an added bit of pressure as its a long way to come for only a short date...should things not go well...eeeek He hasn't been online since sending me his last message...which is why I question his disappearance and not ignoring me. Anyway, so I should wait and see if I hear from him before the date...yes? You can send him a quick message just verifying that you are still on. No biggie. Link to comment
MissingKay Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Thank you all for your comments. Just to say the guy lives 4hrs away from my town so meeting midweek after work would be difficult. Either way, only being available in two weeks time seems a bit odd if you were really interested in some one. Anyway I've take your advice and continuing my search for Mr.Right Link to comment
localvet Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 He found better options, and so can you. Seriously, how hard is it to send a text saying ..how's your day, etc.. The problem is that at midlife many of us are damaged and guarded and their are a lot of flake outs because people do not know they are not ready until they try. Expect a lot of this and just enjoy the adventure. Go on dates and collect crazy stories to share. Hell I once expected a normal gal to show up and what showed up was a midget with hearing aides!!! Very dishonest of her, but I just collected the story as a funny indecent and moved on. She was 4'8 Link to comment
YouSirNameHere Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I just quit online dating. Still have months left on the membership. I found this Many of the people spend their day sending messages in an desperate attempt not to be lonely. If you look on a Friday night or Saturday night, you would be shocked to see how many members are there. And of course, you have multiple people you can meet, so the investment on any one person is rather limited. In summary, the potential people you meet are disposable from the get go... You can always find another date tomorrow, and keep the book full. Question is, why buy into this formula? But I am looking within my demographic (50-60) which may be different than others.... My conclusions: 1. Groucho Marx was right: Never belong to a club that would accept you as a member... 2. There is a reason why they (online potentials) are single. Personally, I would rather do what I like to do, rather than spend my life in the shallow pool. And I am no longer afraid of not meeting someone Live is not blind, but loneliness is. Link to comment
localvet Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 You sound burnt out, totally normal. The good thing about online dating is that , theoretically, you each know what the other is looking for and then you go... Yes a lot of flakes and scared and bad people out there, but just go on that first date and don't expect a thing. Just enjoy the show and maybe something more will happen. Link to comment
YouSirNameHere Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 You sound burnt out, totally normal. The good thing about online dating is that , theoretically, you each know what the other is looking for and then you go... Yes a lot of flakes and scared and bad people out there, but just go on that first date and don't expect a thing. Just enjoy the show and maybe something more will happen. People think they know what they are looking for. I am just saying, if you do the math the total hours of searching for matches, messages, texting, trying to get to know someone enough to meet them for a the obligatory 5 coffee dates to see if you can really date adds up to well over 60 hours of work (and that's a minimum). Not 60 conscious hours means translates to washing and waxing the floors, cleaning walls, painting two rooms and still enough time to weed the garden beds. So if one in thirty people are actually worth dating, I have to balance this against all of the chores for the year in my house. So to the quote, love is not blind loneliness is. I recognize the problem. I am lonely, but I am smart enough not to do anything about it, otherwise I would settle for less. In truth, I should have done the online dating when I was ready for to have a relationship, but long before I felt a strong desire to do so. On one hand its like telling a thirsty person not to drink, but on the other hand, its like telling a person who does not exercise to take it easy, after all if you don't use it, you lose it. Hmmm, this is too far off topic Link to comment
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