Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 So Thursday, I was stunned when he said it was over. About two months ago he had shocked me by saying he had been seriously unhappy with our relationship and would I go to couples therapy. We have had several visits and I thought the last two were positive. Now I am having to leave our house of 10 years and move out. It will take about two months to clean out a room at my sister's house, and clean out my stuff here, two months that I'll have to stay in the house with the person who broke my heart. Any real life advice? Any advice on how to handle splitting up kitties after a breakup? My sister does not want to take in one of our three cats, as she is a revenge pee-er (the cat, not my sister). Thanks for any advice. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Can you find your own place sooner, and also keep your cats? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Wikes, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. The only advice I have is to spend as much time away from the house as you can. When there stay in your own space packing everything up. *hugs* Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Can you find your own place sooner, and also keep your cats? Sadly, not financially possible right now. Also, my sister has stage IV cancer and wants me there. Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 We are trying to coordinate schedules. Today he's gone so I feel like I can cry and be sad. When he's here I am packing like mad! Link to comment
Jeffbobo Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can relate. My ex-wife and I tried living together initially when we divorced four years ago. It was absolutely horrific. All it turned into was for her to have the opportunity to rip into me. Nasty, nasty fights on things that it was too late to discuss. And this went on in front of our kids a couple times. It was an emotional roller coaster and surreal time. I'd recommend your goal should be to do whatever it takes to get out. He should be helping you financially with this until you can get on your feet and all financial aspects are sorted out. Also have as little contact as possible with him and stay busy with other things. Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 How long did you live together after splitting up? Do you think 2 months is reasonable? When I look at all the stuff in this house to pack up to move or give away, plus doing a total clean out of room at sister's house (our parents' old house and my mom was a hoarder, there's barely a walking path into room) I can't see how it will get done in that time span. Link to comment
Jeffbobo Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 How long did you live together after splitting up? Do you think 2 months is reasonable? When I look at all the stuff in this house to pack up to move or give away, plus doing a total clean out of room at sister's house (our parents' old house and my mom was a hoarder, there's barely a walking path into room) I can't see how it will get done in that time span. We lived together for around two months after splitting up. It was her idea and it was a bad one. All the "stuff" in the house is just that. Just stuff. All replacable. I'd recommend taking as little as possible at this point. Cloths, basic necessities and those things that truly have sentimental value to you. The items that truly have sentimental value should have nothing to do with him. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 How long did you live together after splitting up? Do you think 2 months is reasonable? When I look at all the stuff in this house to pack up to move or give away, plus doing a total clean out of room at sister's house (our parents' old house and my mom was a hoarder, there's barely a walking path into room) I can't see how it will get done in that time span. Get some friends and family together to tackle the room - I bet you can make it livable in a weekend, if not a day. If it's full of old stuff no one's used in a while, all the easier - get a lot of big trash bags and just throw everything away. Once you've cleared out the room, all you really need is a bed, a dresser, a bedside table and a lamp to move in. You should make cleaning out the room the top priority. I've packed up and cleared out an entire apartment in a day with friends, so you can tackle this room. You can even hire people to help you. I hired 2 guys to help me move a couple of years ago from link removed, and they got SO MUCH done in a short amount of time. I sense you are feeling down and discouraged and that's why getting the space ready feels like such a big job, but it's absolutely doable in a shorter time frame, and getting out of the house will help you so much. Once you've moved into your sister's house, you can pack up your things from your house over the course of several weeks or months. You can go there while your ex is out, so you don't have to see him. There's no need to pack everything up now - that can wait - but I do think you should try to move out ASAP. I forgot to say, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Even though it feels like you won't right you, you WILL get through this. Link to comment
snoopygal Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm living it right now as we speak. it will be 1 week shy of 2 months, but I am moving this Wednesday through the rest of the weekend. I can tell you that if you're still living together in two months, you will not be in any better shape than you're in now, if not worse. On my own post, I just wrote that I can't seem to pack my stuff. I've done a little, but mostly just walked around crying and feeling overwhelmed by the daunting task. Staying keeps the hope alive. Hope that really isn't there. That's what is hardest for me to get over. You start to create hope in your head, and you'll keep wondering what he's thinking. You'll be wondering if anything you're doing is making a difference, but the truth is you're just making it worse on both of you. If he's done (like mine is) He'll start to resent you for being there, for not giving them his space(even though you've already talked about the timeframe). It's a really awful place to be in. If I had been able to move out 7 weeks ago, I think we would have been on better terms. It started out being friendly, and now it's gotten to where he won't even answer my texts about necessary things for hours. Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thank you for reminding me that stuff is just stuff. I think I've had the mentality that I'll need my favorite things to feel comforted somehow. Essentially I need to think all the stuff I have in our house will have to be condensed down to one room. I took two carloads to Goodwill! Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I had forgotten about Taskrabbit. Clean out of my parents' old room in complicated by the fact it hasn't been clean since 1976 (not joking, hoarder situation). Thanks! Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I am so sorry you are going through this. I had forgotten how much this crap hurts ( I was divorced loooong ago) and how much grief affects your body. I have slept 7 hours in 3 days and zzzquil got me 5 of those hours last night. I have lost 6 pounds. I last ate Friday at lunch, two crackers and a spoonful of peanut butter. I understand about the hope part but I have none whereas my partner hasn't told his family because "I want to make sure you are really moving out." Link to comment
Birdchirp Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 We were scheduled for couple therapy before this upheaval. Now we'll ask for advice on how to handle this new development. I really couldn't handle bitterness right now. Link to comment
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