Can't get over my hope.

[snoopygal]

He's told me he doesn't want to work things out. That he doesn't think things would ever be different. Why do I still have this bit of hope of another chance left? I mean, he was pretty clear and I understand it. Especially in the last few days, it's been consuming me. I'm not able to concentrate on anything to take my mind off of it. I keep going over things in my head that might make a difference to him. I realize he's done, and that my hope is useless, so why can't I get rid of it, or successfully think about something else?

[DoF]

Because you think it will happen soon. It won't. And also because you are thinking with your heart, not your brain.

 

It's going to take time. As in MONTHS for you to get over it and heal completely.

 

You need to practice mind diversion. And think of other things when comes into your head.

 

You also need to do LOTS of physical activity.

 

Good luck

[Clinton]

It's human nature to hope against hope for a successful outcome.

 

Only thing that changes it is time.

 

Hang in there and you'll be fine. It just may take a lot longer than you'd likely get there.

[ambreaux405]

Am in the same boat as you. Still have that nagging hope that something might change. I keep trying to remind myself that even if things changed, it would be months and months and possibly even longer down the line so for now I just need to think about me. I am hoping that if I spend enough time just concentrating on me, eventually my desire for him will fade and I'll see that I really am better off.

[catfeeder]

A coach on my job said that it takes 21 days to change a habit. He said to write down all the habits we want to change and to tackle only one at time. However, when it's habitual thinking that's become a one-note, you can't always reach for the same thing to distract yourself--you'll need to reach for a number of replacement thoughts and actions, and you'll need to be consistent in a refusal to keep indulging the thoughts.

 

In other words, it's not the initial thoughts about your ex that are the issue--it's the habit of drilling into them and wasting your focus on them. You can gently push them aside by saying, "I'll think about that later," and then reach for a chosen replacement thought while you pursue a replacement action.

 

So the idea here isn't to try to snuff out the thoughts--that just makes them forbidden fruit and more attractive. Instead, just choose to 'delay' the thoughts and offer yourself some kind of rewarding thought and action to replace dwelling there 'now'.

 

The more you keep doing this, the easier it will become to reward yourself for pushing forward rather than keeping yourself stuck in a loop.

 

Head high.