why are dumpers so mean?

[captcha45]

I've been asking myself this for a while. I would have been perfectly ok with my ex saying it's not working out and we need to break up (we were clearly not good for eachother). But he behaved like a real and that absolutely broke me.

 

He left me for a girl he had seen once saying she was so much prettier than me and he couldn't stop thinking about her and that I should go f*** around to get over him.

 

Why do people need to act like that? I never begged him back or treated him badly. It hurts to think he probably never loved me at all.

[j.man]

How is he able to tell you these things after you've broken up? Are you trying to contact him?

[melancholy123]

Because he's an immature revengeful idiot. Ignore him and move on.

[captcha45]

No. He told me that while breaking up/ few days later.

[eldasensei]

It doesn't matter if he was irritated, angry or also has his good sides aswell. This is how he is. This is how he handles situations. You should be happy this is over. I know you can't see that now, in time you will. When that time come's, imagine that this was the person you married. He's not really behaving like a mature person.

[Marissaloveles]

From what my mean dumper told me , they act mean so we can hate them and move on easier, but sometimes it's just because they are cruel and get joy out of being able to dump someone who was out of their league, guys usually have this ego that needs boosting.

[captcha45]

Because he's an immature revengeful idiot. Ignore him and move on.

 

I'm trying going on dates, don't want him back, living my life. But still persuaded guys are just pretending to be attracted to me. That part kinda stuck with me.

[captcha45]

From what my mean dumper told me , they act mean so we can hate them and move on easier

 

That's what he said also. It did make it easier to get over him, but a lot harder to get over the break up

[rich46]

Self-defense mechanism. Protecting themselves from feelings of hurt, guilt, whatever.

 

Some run away. Some are spiteful. Some say mean things.

 

Maintain your dignity in the face of their actions, and walk away.

[ajhurst210]

I'll never understand the cruelty a person can display against another person when faced with something as traumatic as a break up. How some people can turn a period of their life that they shared with someone willingly into something else entirely by acting like you never meant anything to them or your time together wasn't even "special" or worthwhile. How someone who once told you they loved you, who once comforted you when you were hurting, who became so emotionally attached to you can have the capacity to hurt you on such levels.

 

My ex has said and done some incredibly cold and harsh things during and since our break-up. Reduced our time together down to nothing but a hindrance on her and her alone. Reduced my role in her life for those 2 and a half years down to someone who just stopped her from being herself. Reduced whatever "love" we shared for one another down to nothing in her eyes.

 

She's trash talked me, called me pathetic, told me to get over it. Been so much more cruel to me than I ever thought she could be to anyone, let alone someone she claimed to love. Then jumped into another relationship with another man that apparently she had been talking to while we were dating.

 

It's one thing to fall out of love with someone's. Or to become unhappy or unhealthy and realize it's time to end the relationship. But to just toss out all common decency and compassion to someone who is that emotionally attached to you is just... evil. A person has to carry so much evil in their heart to be able to do that.

 

I don't know whether it's just a defensive mechanism on their part... like being cruel to the person they're dumping is just their way of masking their own guilt and sadness, or if they just like feeling like the one who is bigger out of the two of you or what... but I've seen it done, had it done to me, had it done to others I know.... and if baffles my mind.

 

I've broken up with people before, but I try to be as patient and as kind to them as possible because Christ, being dumped is one of the most traumatic things a person can do to another person emotionally and I don't want someone walking away with that kind of trauma to their psyche and self esteem, especially not someone I care about. Why would I tell someone I loved them and then want to scar them that badly?

 

They're facing the end of a relationship that they may or may not want to still be in. They're being rejected, hurt, betrayed, demoralized, let down, heartbroken, and then left without the one person they rely on to make them feel better in such moments... the last thing you should do and the last thing they need, Is to feel even worse, even more unwanted.

 

I'll never understand as long as I live.

....

....

Love can bring out the most beautiful parts of life... but it can also bring out the ugliest.

[CaptainConfusion]

Unfortunately what he has said has triggered an insecurity that you have about yourself. Whether he deliberately did this to hurt you or not, is not the point. Don't victimize yourself. It's only one persons opinion. The most important opinion is your own opinion. The thing about attractiveness is that it's highly subjective. Therefore validation from a recent ex is unlikely.

[kathy679]

Not everyone breaks up in such an insensitive way. His actions show you what a tool he is and your better off without him. He's proved that

[Michael777]

This is a very common reaction and almost always masks the fact that he still has strong feelings for you which he is desperate to deny.

So he builds up a false facade and inside he knows you are better than he is .

[journeynow]

...I would have been perfectly ok with my ex saying it's not working out and we need to break up

 

...He left me for a girl he had seen once saying she was so much prettier than me and he couldn't stop thinking about her and that I should go f*** around to get over him.

 

It's basically the same things, he just didn't find the exact words at the time.

 

My ex said all kinds of things to end it softly, and I was so confused with the mixed messages it felt crazy-painful-horrible. A friend was telling me how horrible her ex was who told her she wasn't worth it. In oh so many ways, that was the message I got from my ex, too, and I don't know if one delivery is better or worse than another, both hurt.

[TMifune]

There are a large swath of people who somehow think that when they're with "The One" that they won't ever think about, fantasize about, be sexually attracted to or even notice people outside of their relationship. The problem is that when one of those things happen, they're not positioned mentally to say to themselves that it's perfectly normal and they freak out a little. They start thinking that if they're able to "feel" this way then the relationship that they're in must not be the right one for them.

 

On top of that it then draws their attention to this new person and that redirection of their focus and energy than actually makes the current relationship not as good. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

People need to understand that monogamy and ultimately marriage are choices that you make and not something that just happens out of nowhere based on how you "feel".