Will I find "the one"

[Mask]

I am just going throw it out there to start I am not sure how to write this sorry if it seems a little rambling. I am a survivor of abuse from a step father for 5 years now 5 years after getting out of that I am kinda looking for a partner but truthfully I am scared I had problems in the past with relationships and just doesn't work out but I try to be up front about my past because it affects the sex life (sexal abuse) so I try to be up front but it seems guys just don't want to take the time they just say they want a relationship just to throw them in there bed and do what they want. I am just trying to find someone to take that time with me work with me be an arm to support me and be there for me as I work on me. I am getting help for my past sadly just started but still kinda looking for someone looking for that one that will give me a warm hug and a kiss cuddle with me and watch t.v but doesn't seem like I would ever find any one doesn't seem possible.

[melancholy123]

Sounds to me like you are looking for guys in the wrong places if all they do is want to get you in bed. Perhaps you need to be more choosy. Where are you meeting these guys? If you have a hobby join a group for it and get to know people there. Take a night school course to meet others. Volunteer somewhere. Expand your horizons and search area!

[ParisPaulette]

You need to get over the concept of "the one" because really there is no such thing. There are people who come into your lives and you have only two choices: keep the ones that are an asset to your life in any way, that improve it, that make you happy they are there, who treat you right AND send all others who don't packing regardless of what your emotions tell you OR do the opposite and suffer.

 

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but six decades of life have only proven that mindset to me over and over again. Good people = good life, bad people = bad life. And love takes many forms, it is not a quantifiable thing and it is not a finite thing. You cannot and never should look to someone else to "complete you" (no thanks to Jerry Maguire for being the barfiest movie ever) or be "the one" who will save you or bring you that life you want. You and you alone need to go out into the world and you build that life you want, make it a good one full of family and friends that you choose and you keep in your life, because they make your life better. And then when some good guy comes along who you think and feel is decent enough to be able to share that life you let him in. And if hat guy never shows up you still have your great life full of laughter and people who love you. And if need be you date and have fun, but you don't necessarily let anyone but the best of the best in.

 

And you may do that several times in a lifetime. I have. I'm married now to a great guy, but I recognize that tomorrow he could be gone either through his own actions or fate itself. It doesn't matter, because I share my life with him, he isn't my life. He isn't "the one" because I have numerous ones in my life. People who lift me up, who show me love and I love them back. And I have my own property, my own career, my own life that will carry on no matter who is or isn't in it, because I am.

 

And yes you will find people like you want, but you need to be emotionally healthy enough to choose them carefully and not just let anyone who pays you attention and makes your body say "let's have sex" through that door. If need be some counseling is always a good thing, forming a support network of friends, and please develop interests and hobbies that have nothing to do with a guy and everything to do with your own happiness and self-esteem. Be able to sit back and say to yourself, "I did that. No one else, ME. And I am awesome for it!" And you'll be fine. I promise.

 

It's up to you to make your own happiness, not other people. And the best foundation I ever found for that was my own accomplishments and activities. And then you tend to attract a better sort of person too.

[El0t]

There are over 7 billion people on Earth. If you're looking for that "one in a million", statistically speaking, you have 7,125 people to choose from. Will it be easy? No. But, if you put in the effort and search efficiently (actively look for people in the right places, as melancholy said) you will greatly increase your chances of finding someone compatible.

 

Don't get discouraged! All relationships can be counted as successes if you view them in the right light. With each ended or continued relationship you inevitably learn more about yourself, gain experience in communicating and sharing space with relationship partners, and tailor your expectations and desires for what you ultimately want in a long-term or life-time partner.

 

Keep at it and best of luck!

[Misskitty16]

You will find him - be very choosey - you have been through much and it will take an emotionally strong man to get to know you deeper. They are out there...