I have a dilemma

[Hazel_Eyes]

OK.. where to start....

I've been in a long term relationship for over 2 years now, not the happiest one of all.. consisting of a break-up last july and my boyfriend still feeling for his ex etc.

The relationship wasn't started in the best circumstances either... His ex ended it with him, and i'd been attracted to him for a month or so until he aske dme out a week after his relationship ended.

But his ex girlfriend had been playing him for 11months and ended it to be with other people .. to get back with him at a later date.. like stringing him along. Which obviously didn't make a good start to the relationship with him being so attached to her.

So anyway... We got into many situations where maybe he'd been talkin to his ex or went to see her or even tried to kill himself, yet i was there all the time to support him but he just couldn't understand how i felt for him.

So then 1 year n 6months into the relationship he ends it with me... says like 'oh we can still be friends' bla de bla de bla.. but later that day i went to collect my stuff from his he told me he made a mistake.. and so stupidly and blindly i did take him back...

AAnyway a few weeks later he got kinda depressed again.. so i had a look on his phone to see if he'd txted his friend nic wat was wrong... but found more than i bargained for...

He had txted his ex on the day he'd broken up with me to try and get back with her .. but finding she was with someone so gave me another go in a relationship.

So of course i didnt stick around and stormed home because i felt like id just been made the biggest fool in the whole world...

(er believe it on not this is just for background purposes.. im not at the current problem.. so sorry for bombarding you guys but i need to get alot off my chest since he dont seem to listen)

 

Well anyway after that i still took him back.. and i now must have MUG written accross my forhead.

Since i found the txtour relationship hasn't been exactly happy. Of course... why should it. But now after all of this time my bf tells me that he really does love me now despite all the things that have happened in the past. But lately well since before x-mas, i have been debating on whether to stay in this realtionship.. because eventhough he may love me now.. i think it's a bit to late after all that's happened for me to truly trust him and that he won't go run to his ex again.

 

 

So yeah that's one of my problems.. which is that i don't think i want to be with him anymore and i'm in a situation now where we talked last night and decided to end it.. but we're guna see if we can work things out.. But i'm not sure if they will...

Believe it or not on top of all this.. i have made a new good friend who i do feel attracted to and feel that i could possibly end up being in a relationship with, he is a really nice guy but im just so stumped of what to do.... But because of my situation at the moment with my 2 yr relationship ive just become really confused to what i want.....

 

So low down:

Current relationship at basic end but i still have feelings for him....

And a new friend who i feel attracted to but am confused about how he might feel and what i'm going to do now.

 

Does anyone have any advice....?

if you need me to explain further i will.. because i wrote so much im not even sure if itll make perfect sense to you guys.

 

Thanks all the same

x Hazel x

[Hope75]

Hi Hazel,

 

Your feelings of betrayel from your bf are valid. He sounds pretty confused and it sounds as though over the course of time you have come to a decision not to be with him on your own. I think this is good, you are obviously not getting what you want from this relationship and would be happier without him.

 

I don't advise getting involved with this other guy right away. If you guys like each other, continue to be friends but give yourself some time to fully get over your present bf and give yourself space to heal.

 

I don't think you will be able to give the new guy a fair chance if you don't give yourself a chance to breathe in between relationships. Look how well diving in with you after his breakup worked for your present bf!

 

I wish you the best here, it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and see the mistakes you made in your present relationship. I hope you can give yourself time and space and that things work out for the best for you.

[GaveTooMuch]

I think you should let him go. You two are way too young to get into such a serious relationship. You two have a lot of growing to do and many experiences that you need to learn from before you can take a relationship seriously. He is who he is and you can't keep trying to change him. You've already put in two years and repeatedly been wasting your time to make things work but they keep going back to what they are. Know that you tried and gave it your all but in the end he was not ready for it. Don't let him walk all over you and know that no matter what you'll always be the easy fall back plan.

 

Take some time out for yourself or if you decide to, give the other guy a chance if you think he's worth it. Experience life and and don't be so worried about being with someone else right now. Get to know what important to you and what to look out for in relationships.

[Hazel_Eyes]

thank you guys, ive honestly been needing an outsiders view for a long time, but didnt know ehre to look.

Of course im going to have my own time before getting into another relationship because after 2 years... i need to find who i really am now, i have so much i can do in my life but was emotionally being held back by the realtionship..

 

 

And im not being rude but long term relationships are what i like.. even being so young. Ive never had a 1 or 2 week relationship so i tend not to. Now i can learn from those mistakes i made.... and possibly i can understand the signs in future relationships

thank you

 

.. if anyone else has something else to add please do..

xHazelx

[cooldude1234]

Hey!

 

I'm sorry to hear things aren't working out. It sounds like you ended up being more or less of a rebound. It also sounds like he was just keeping you around until his ex broke up with whoever she was dating (and still may be.)

 

If things aren't working out and he won't listen to you (you said he wasn't listening to you) then this probably isn't the guy for you. It's hard to have a relationship where communication has broken down, and this seems to be the case.

 

The fact that he just got rid of you as soon as he thought his ex was free, shows a low level of maturity and shows that he plain isn't very serious about your relationship.

 

As for the other guy, if you end your relationship and you feel ready for another one allready, then why not? However, I would make sure you're over this guy before you do anything, don't wanna end up like him right?

 

goodluck!

[RayKay]

I think that you know in your heart you don't want the kind of relationship you have with him. You are young, and you are allowed to (in fact I highly recommend it) learn and move on...keep the good memories of course, but learn from the negative ones.

 

And before you rush into anything else, enjoy being on your own! I know you will hear it hundreds of times, but believe it or not one day you will realize it to be true - you are so young, don't spend your time worrying about "fixing" or working on a relationship where it does not feel right. You will meet many others in your lifetime, and I seriously doubt anyone you meet in high school will turn out to be your lifelong partner - people change too much and until you know who you are TRULY (which does not happen for a long time yet!) you won't be ready for someone else to truly enter your life....take your time! For sure date, but keep things casual and fun

 

Take care of you, try some things you have wanted try (enroll in a kickboxing class or go to gym, volunteer, etc) and enjoy being young and free!

[Hazel_Eyes]

i dont think ill ever end up like him, because i see now that the way he treated me was wrong.. and i think i may have affected me for the rest of my life.. BUT that will not get me down, things change for a reason and i am actually ready to embrace single life .. and complication free.. even if i am single for just a wile. I just have to get over this

[Hazel_Eyes]

its over now....... ive just finalised my decision.... im now 'single' which will be ... weird

[Hope75]

Did you let your guy know you wanted out?

[Hazel_Eyes]

my guy? what my bf just gone?.. yes we've been talking about it.. alot

[AllAlone]

Hi hazel. I think the best thing you can do now is think of what YOU want. Not what anyone else wants. From what i gather from toggles post is that your back with your bf... correct? again sorry if i'm wrong because then you can ignore from this point then .

Well yeah as i said the best you can do is think about yourself, think about wat you want, who you want instead of putting others first. The only way you can get what you want is to trust your instincts.

i hope it all works out what ever your decisions lead to.

[Hazel_Eyes]

i see that i need to do wat i want.. instead of pleasing others alot of the time... ive got myself in such an emotional mess atm i just dont know what i want.... ive been talking to someone about this for about 2 hours now.. and they gather that by wat ive told them.. it seems that my bf see's a similarity in me to his ex girlfriend.. eventho im not like her in personality at all.. im like her in looks and this person reckons that cos it only took 1 week for him to be over her... that he didnt really. he just transfered his love for her to me, which i guess is a bad thing.

 

Well ive been thinking aswell.. and my bf keeps asking me if ive made the right decision.. and i cant answer that because i was doing what would make him happy and not me.. so im going to take a break for a week or so .. for him to sort himself out and me to do the same.... maybe more than a week i dont know.

i think this time its really going to decide what happens... i dont like the idea of his fate on my shoulders.. if i collapse under the pressure... because he told me he was going to end his life a night ago before things were better......... so ... i just gotta see how things pan out i guess, see how we both feel after that week or so and go from there

 

wish me luck..........

 

Is this a good idea? or doea anyone have anything to say?

 

and lee if your watching.... i just wanted to say hi.. since i cant really talked to you atm... things arent only hard for you, you know

[circles]

i dont know anything about him, but form what you have said he doesnt sound very emotionally mature, and seems quite selfish. nobody deserves to be anyones "second choice" or "fill in"

he needs to learn to value people adn think about his actions. you sound like a really nice person, and i would be very carefull about his suicidal thing, he could be tryign to manipulate you, also just because somone is suicidal is not a good reason to get back with them, otherwise he could just pull the same thing again in another year.... explore your possiblilites with the other guy, spend time with him, see how it pans out, just be available for him and see if he shows interest. you have a lot of life left to live, dont feel like you haf to rush, the best things are worth waiting for.

[Hazel_Eyes]

i would keep talking to this guy but because of my own decision to take my bf back he's like put our conact with each other on lock down...

if he signs in msn and i'm there then he signs back out

it's all my fault

[toggle]

Hey Cole,

 

I want you to understand that I am trying to have no contact with you, not because im angry/sad/jealous etc of you and your decisions. Im trying because i want you think what you want, and i don't want to get in the way of your decision. (I know other people would agree by this)

 

Also I don't want to build hopes for myself again, i don't want to go through what ive just been through again.. so i think its best to find out what You really want, I've taken lots of advice, and although im upset by it, it's for the best we have n/c for a while...and im sorry if i didnt make it clear in my other post (I didn't mean for it to sound like im sulking having n/c)

You do understand though? I know this message is breaking the NC rule...but I wanted you to know why im doing it, if you didnt know..

 

Im sorry that i hurt you these past couple of days, and if im to blame for anything..then i apologise. I just want's the best for you and me, and the best i can do at the moment is to let you think what you want..

 

love Lee

[Hazel_Eyes]

i understand