boyfriend scared to move forward with his life....

[honeygirl24]

Well me(19) and my boyfriend(21) of 3 years lived together for about 6monthes last year. but he had to move home due to some family and finicial problems. everything is going good now, he got rid of his finicial burden and sorted out all his family issues. he has been making pretty good money and has been saving it, but he is always talking about buying new tvs and a new car. it upsets me a little bit because he rather buy those things, then get his own place. i mean i've been on my own since i was 17 so i have never been in the same situation, but seems like he isn't ready to move on to something bigger.

. i just don't get it. oh and his parents don't like me and don't want us to be together so he has to make up excuses to come and see me. (maybe thats the problem. i don't know)

 

any advice would be very helpful, thanks!!

[DN]

Sorry to say, but it sounds to me as if he is not ready for any sort of commitment - and that is not unreasonable at 21. If you are pressuring him for anything like that, it probably explains why his parents seem not to like you.

 

You have to decide these things:

1. what you want from him

2. if he can or will give it to you, now or later.

3. how long you are prepared to wait or if you can tolerate not getting it.

 

The answers to these questions will give you a clue about what to do.

[RayKay]

I think he is being honest with you - he still just is not ready to make that big step and still wants to remain young and not tie himself down yet to someone. I am not saying he won't end up with you, just saying that men and women go through stages in their late teens and earlier 20s where they need to feel "free" - those I find who don't and rush to move in together through that stage often have it come back on them later, when the stakes are higher. If you have been together three years, it means I guess you got together when you were about 16, he about 18? You change a LOT from that age until your mid 20s, to 30s, and even while you may not think you will yet, you will - as will he.

 

Don't pressure him into living with you. Now if you two were older I would tell you he probably is just not as into you as you are him and that you may want to look at what you want and whether he can provide it or not, but since you are both really young, it is a bit different. Don't be in a rush to grow up, what he is feeling is normal (not ready to settle down yet). Now you on the other hand will have to decide whether that is okay with you at this point in time, or whether you want more...but I warn you at that age it will be harder to find a guy ready to settle down, and more importantly, you should look at who you are WITH and enjoy your time, not worry too much about moving in together/settling down at this age That may or may not be your boyfriend, just trust that when the timing is right, it will all work out.

 

For now, don't pressure him. It is okay (and recommended probably!) that you do have a where are we going talk to make sure you are on similar wavelengths (if not, and he says he never wants to get married or move in with you, you may need to think about that!) but if he says he loves you but is just too young right now for that, respect that. His parents may just be concerned about him not enjoying his youth and getting married too young for example, unless you have done something to purposely create mistrust on their parts in you, I would just try to be polite and respectful. But also consider...if you do create a future with this guy, they are going to be part of your life too...

[Hope75]

I have to agree completely with RayKay's advice.

 

Although you have been on your own since age 17, that is not typical of people your age and I think you know that.

 

I too was living with my bf at age 17, and trying to be "grown up" puts a tremendous strain on a relationship.

 

Your bf is 21 years old, and he is perfectly justified to want to spend his money on material things and not have to get his own place and be financially responsible for rent and utilities and all that comes with your own place.

 

He is very young to be thinking of settling down and it does sound he is being honest with you, he's just not ready to move in again.

 

It is a good idea to talk and make sure that you are indeed on the same page in terms of where the relationship is going, but as long as you are, there's no reason to push things, just enjoy them for what they are.

 

I am 29 and I pushed my live in bf or 2 years and I ended up losing him. We are now dating and trying to work through this, but I am learning to see our time together as a gift, and enjoy it for what it is, without pressing for an answer.

 

If your bf has no intention of pursuing a future with you then you need to re-evaluate things, but otherwise just relax and enjoy each other, no rush!

 

PS-- Why don't his parents like you?

[honeygirl24]

PS-- Why don't his parents like you?

 

they don't like me because he is muslim and i'm not. i guess they don't agree with interracial relationships, especially for there son.

 

and thanks for all your advice, it was great and i will really take it to heart.