Uneasy feeling about my boyfriend and his ex

[Lovelavie]

I've been with my BF for 8 months now and we've had our ups and downs but now we're doing fine and we've been getting along really great.

 

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I've known my BF for almost two years now, when we met I was in a relationship with another guy. My BF has had two other girlfriends. One he dated for 3 years (let's call her C) and then stayed friends with and the other 2 years (and her, V) and they didn't stay friends because it ended kind of nasty. He told me that things didn't work out with C and he stayed friends and she was a nice girl and all, and that V messed with is head and it seemed like it was a hard break up for him, but he knew it was for the best. When my BF and I were just friends, we had a friend in common, and he was single and friends with C again, but just friends. This friend at the time had told me that it didn't work out because they were in different times of their lives but that he intended to marry her one day, but wanted a girlfriend for the while (he likes being a relationship). Also, he has a tattoo with her initial on his shoulder. At first, I didn't give it much thought because I wasn't even dating him. After I started dating him, I started giving it a lot of thought and I saw the tattoo but pretended I didn't know anything about it and also he never told me.

 

Then one day we were joking and he said I should get his initials tattooed on me and I joked saying I would never do that and he asked what I would think if he had that? And I still pretended I didn't know anything and just said I would think it's weird and the conversation ended. Also, throughout the relationship, I've confronted him about somethings like asking if he still had feelings for her and he said he didn't, he even joked saying he feels bad for her and wants her to find someone better than he was for her. He said he was a jerk to her at the time and that she was also kind of "crazy", but that he has respect for her etc.

 

Also, one time we were talking about our past and he mentioned her and said she was the right one but he was a jerk, and that made me really upset because I didn't see a reason for him to say that to me and we ended up fighting and he said he had no feelings for her and "how could he like two people at the same time", so I just let it go. He's said that he wants to marry and have a future with me, he dreams of having children and he said he wants children with me. We do talk about our future together but...

 

for some reason, these thoughts: relating the tattoo, the relationship they had, the friend telling me he wanted to marry her one day and that he wanted a girlfriend for the time being; the fact that they stayed friends even after his two year relationship with V AND said that he wanted to marry her after ending the realtionship with V. All of this, is bothering me so much to the point where it's unhealthy and I can't deal with it. It's making me depressed. I love him and I want a future with him and I would feel horrible if he broke up with me down the road because of this girl. Do you guys think I'm going crazy? I told him I wanted to meet up with him tomorrow so we could talk but I didn't tell him why. I want to talk about this and open up to how terrible I've been feeling these past days and how I've been kind of jealous from the beginning of our relationship about this. He doesn't know I know about the tattoo and the marrying thing, which is basically what is driving me crazy linked to everything else. Do you think I should talk about? At the same time I don't want to sound crazy or ruin anything between us and don't know if I should talk to him about it, but this is consuming me because I don't have an answer!

[Hollyj]

You have had sooooooooooo many problems with this guy. He is disrespectful, controlling and emotionally abusive.

 

Do you think that this is a healthy relationship, when you have to come on here with so many issues? Why are you sticking around for all of this drama? This is not love!

 

Please get some therapy. People can not live like this!

[Willywagtail]

I think you're making 'a story' in your head and trying to add things together which may not add up. If you know what I mean. You have put together bits of things that you've heard, added them to your insecurities and now it's driving you crazy.

 

You may be right about his ex, and the potential threat she poses to your future. You can certainly ask him about her, and his feelings for her, but I'm not convinced you'd get the truth.

 

You relationship is very young, far too soon to be thinking of settling down and marriage. So don't put all your eggs in his basket.

 

Do talk to him, and let us know if he soothes your concerns.

[Lovelavie]

Yeah it is too soon to be thinking about marriage and settling down, but at the same time I look forward to it someday and invest in my relationship with him just as he does. I don't know what the future holds for us but I just don't wanna get the down the road with him for him to break up with me saying his ex is the right one you know?

 

Like, I'm really hoping he wouldn't do this to me, I have feelings just like everybody else.

 

I asked to meet up with him today, I know he might not be honest but I will try to get out of him what he feels about this situation.