Facebook advice...

[rich46]

Hi all,

 

Immediately after my break up some three months ago, I deleted and blocked my ex from facebook, as well as a few mutual friends, and promptly deactivated my account as I began the healing process. Of course the first month was hard, but I got to the stage where I wanted to go back on facebook as I have a lot of friends from around the world who I met through travelling.

 

Anyway, I took the opportunity to start afresh, so I opened a new account with a new email address, and only added these contacts from places like Australia, America, Japan, etc. I didn't even bother adding old school friends as I couldn't see the point, since we aren't "friends" in real life, and I haven't spoken to them in about 17 years!

 

Initially it was great starting anew, and I felt I could go forward in my healing process, and I have, to the point where I would say I am about 80% healed.

 

However, I got a slight shock this morning when facebook started suggesting friends to me who I used to be friends with, including...my ex. Kind of scary to be honest. Prior to today, it was just suggesting friends who I didn't know, like friends of my friends in Australia, or wherever. How can facebook suggest people like my ex, despite there being no link in terms of mutual friends, as well as my creating of a completely new account with a fresh email address?

 

Does anyone have any advice about how to prevent this from happening? Like I say, I want to remain in touch with my friends who are scattered around the world, but to get 'blasts from the pasts' like this morning is a minor setback, and I don't want that to continue as I move forward in my life.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Rich

[El0t]

I don't use facebook; I basically equate it to cancer, but some people might say that's a more "extreme" view hahaha I can't speak to HOW facebook can be all creepy stalker and computer hacky, but it might be based on your area, profiles you've visited, or who's visited you even. So you may do nothing, but based on who views your page they might suggest people/etc.

 

I have plenty of friends that I've kept in contact with from other countries over the years. If you use an international messenger like WhatsApp or Skype you can do phone, messaging, or even video now. I use that and it works just great. Only the people I want and only the meaningful conversations and sharing I purposefully want to have.

[alli]

I think Facebook makes suggestions based on not only mutual friends but places you have lived, gone to school, worked, etc. So if you both list that you live or have lived in the same city it might suggest that person. Removing your location or prior locations might help. I'm not sure if Facebook will "remember" that you once listed that you lived in a certain place and continue to make those suggestions. I would just block them on your new account so they don't keep popping up.

[Starseed98]

I would suggest you block your ex from showing up in the suggestion box. It impedes healing for sure to see your ex's name and until you reach that stage of indifference, it is something you have to do.

[ParisPaulette]

That is definitely creepy. It may be Facebook has some sort of computer algorithm in place though based on birthdays or other suggestions or even patterns of people who are all friended. I have no idea, but that's a distinct possibility if those friends were on your former page and they all suddenly start getting linked together into a new page. I don't think Facebook per se knows it's you, more that they have some sort of computer generating patterns of people who are on each other's FB pages? And no I don't know that for sure, but it seems possible is all.

 

There is a little x in the upper right-hand corner of each person that FB "suggests" and you can click that to delete the person. Based on doing that my guess is the same pattern of you rejecting certain people will show up and those choices will stop coming up.

 

But dang, that's a bit unsettling to say the least.

 

And yes, actively adding certain accounts including your ex to your blocked list will help stop that as well.

[rich46]

Thanks a lot for your replies

 

Yes, blocking would have been the easiest answer, but I managed to avoid seeing her profile picture this morning, just her name, so I didn't particularly want to manually search for her profile and then block her. Besides, it is a bit of a wider issue as I don't want suggestions of mutual friends, old school friends, acquaintances...want a new start with only people who I want in my life, without being reminded of the past.

 

Thankfully I found a solution from searching around the internet, although facebook certainly doesn't make it easy:

 

First, I clicked the small cross on each friend suggestion (and it was a long list!!) until they couldn't come up with any more potential friends! However, as that was probably only a temporary solution, I also found an add-on called "facebook purity" which took about ten seconds to install, and allows you to customise how facebook appears. Just a simple tick of the box has allowed me to get rid of advertisements, annoying game requests, and most importantly, friend suggestions. Highly recommended if you are having similar issues.

 

Thanks again everyone! Happy healing!

 

Rich

[FirstIn]

Thanks Rich. I may need this in the future. I blocked my ex and deleted my Facebook straight after the breakup. Complete NC. I have a lot of ex pictures all over my wall. Have considered also getting a friend to go through and clean everything out. What I am most scared of is accidentally seeing a new profile pic through some stupid Facebook accident. I may just try that add on! I have intentionally avoided Facebook for the fear that seeing a new profile pic of hers will break me.

 

I use it for the same reasons as you. Have a lot of friends met through travel. Still the cons outweigh the pros for me right now.

[rich46]

Thanks Rich. I may need this in the future. I blocked my ex and deleted my Facebook straight after the breakup. Complete NC. I have a lot of ex pictures all over my wall. Have considered also getting a friend to go through and clean everything out. What I am most scared of is accidentally seeing a new profile pic through some stupid Facebook accident. I may just try that add on! I have intentionally avoided Facebook for the fear that seeing a new profile pic of hers will break me.

 

I use it for the same reasons as you. Have a lot of friends met through travel. Still the cons outweigh the pros for me right now.

Likewise, I didn't want to go through all the photos after I reactivated. I was never one to post pictures of us together on there as I am quite a private person, but there were photos from places we'd been that would have triggered some pain in the beginning.

 

There is an option to download all the data from your facebook history, and they email you a RAR file with all the info in it (messages/photos/friends list, etc), so I did that and then permanently deleted the account. Then set up a new account and honestly, it felt great to get rid of all the dead wood so-called "friends" on there and start again.

[blanco]

Well, I'm gonna come off as kind of a creep here in order to provide a possible reason why you're seeing her as a suggested friend.

 

I have noticed that if I check someone's profile enough times, they will end up in my suggested friends, even if we have no common friends.

 

Are you using your real name? Perhaps your ex has seen you on there and has been periodically checking your page, hence her ending up as a suggested friend.

[rich46]

Well, I'm gonna come off as kind of a creep here in order to provide a possible reason why you're seeing her as a suggested friend.

 

I have noticed that if I check someone's profile enough times, they will end up in my suggested friends, even if we have no common friends.

 

Are you using your real name? Perhaps your ex has seen you on there and has been periodically checking your page, hence her ending up as a suggested friend.

Yeah I know what you are saying, but I don't think that is the case here. Facebook was suggesting virtually everyone who used to be on my old account, and others who were connected to friends of the old account. Besides, there are hundreds and hundreds of people with my name, and I have set my settings so that nobody can look me up (I think), or add me as a friend - I am as invisible as is possible to be on facebook. I doubt other people would be suggested to add me as a friend, because like I said, I don't allow friend requests. So, no idea how they manage to do it, but a bit scary. "Facebook purity" has fixed the issue for me anyway, thankfully.

[Heavy]

Well, I'm gonna come off as kind of a creep here in order to provide a possible reason why you're seeing her as a suggested friend.

 

I have noticed that if I check someone's profile enough times, they will end up in my suggested friends, even if we have no common friends.

 

Are you using your real name? Perhaps your ex has seen you on there and has been periodically checking your page, hence her ending up as a suggested friend.

 

This is correct if one of her friends has been checking your new profile. It happened to me just last week and I was like what. I have not looked at friends profile pages at all so it sort of surprised me. I went into her profile and blocked it, then blocked a heap of other people just incase. This is the best method you can do, don't worry about what they are doing, where they have been and who they are with, all you need to worry about is yourself. Take your time, do things you want to do and get on with life.

[Daniellelove]

Is it posibl FB has made this conection because it keeps track of its participants' ISPs?

[annamonrrial12]

Where was that add-on? But I blocked my ex. He has no way of contacting me whatsoever. Unless he just shows up but he wouldn't cause I always have company or my kids do

[rich46]

Where was that add-on? But I blocked my ex. He has no way of contacting me whatsoever. Unless he just shows up but he wouldn't cause I always have company or my kids do

Just do a google search for "facebook purity" and it will be at the top of the results. Works great on google chrome.