Love my girlfriend but she just doesn't seem to be interested in sex

[xlcclkw]

Hi,

 

I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now, she is great and I love her more than anything, our relationship is perfect, except for 1 thing, which I consider to be a big part of a relationship..

 

When we first met, sex was fun and spontaneous, she wasn't very open to doing anything other than missionary but I can get over that. Past probably the first few months, we just don't really have sex, she isn't interested, she will maybe have sex once a month, but its clear that its because I'm getting frustrated without any, not because she actually wants to. Its always the same boring, slightly awkward sex. It has to be planned, she has to have a shower first, she never just gets in the mood and there is no way to get her in the mood, she'll just take the hint once in a blue moon, say we'll have sex tomorrow, will go have a shower and then we'll do it and that'll be it.

 

Am I missing something? Do I do something wrong? I've basically given up trying now. Sex is a big part of a relationship for me and I'm finding it very hard to now allow it to affect other aspects of our relationship.

 

Thanks

[Heartofanangel]

Hi,

 

Reading your story, it would appear that your girlfriend does not appear to be very confident in the bedroom, just due to the planning, cleaning ritual. What other areas of her life like, is she ritualistic in anything else or is this trait just with sex. Often its not.

 

You need to help her feel comfortable and actually want to feel like sex, men are like a light switch on and off, a woman on the other hand is like an iron she warms up and cools down. Woman love be complimented, feel special and made to feel beautiful even the confident one's. The main thing is you talk to her and say you would love to make her feel special in that way, teach her, grow with her, massage her, show her. Let her tension go.

 

Sex is a big intimate part of a relationship that can sadly go a miss, but there is nothing that cannot be worked through with patience and honesty. Maybe set up a room all romantically, candles and say you want to spend a night seeing what things she likes, or as her to go away and have a look at tantric sex ask her which she liked, just small things to open her up WITHOUT pressure, the more pressure the more distance.

 

Good luck.

[jjkk]

Have you talked to her about this? If so, what does she say? If not, I'd suggesting having a loving, compassionate discussion with her about it. Has something happened to her in her past or her belief system that makes her uncomfortable or have anxiety about sex? Is it a physical issue such as pain during or after sex? etc...If you can talk about it perhaps you can discover the cause and she can take steps to feel better about sex (therapy, seeing a doctor, etc.)

[Baily]

As a guy I've been in MANY relationships like this. The girl gets comfortable and stops having sex or slows way down....she no longer works at the sexual side....

You are being used. Girls can manipulate guys and get what the want and then feel it's okay to stop because they have what they want....

I'd let her know that if it doesn't change you are gone...or accept the fact that is how you will always be. No or low sex forever.

I broke up with many a girl due to this. I wouldn't accept it and you shouldn't. Problem is for most they'd rather get sex once a month than not at all...and they stay....question is will u?

[Heartofanangel]

Yes Baily, but she didn't even seem comfortable in the beginning, its not like they acted out the Karma Sutra and then it went to once a month, just her ritual alone seems to indicate something much deeper. However like you say everyone in life has a choice and its his. But just to give up isn't always the first answer.

[Stay_home]

The man doesn't want to have to put on a Luther Vandross CD every time he wants to be intimate with his woman. It's not realistic. I think that's unfair for any woman in an exclusive and monogamous relationship to expect Luther, lobster and candles before they are willing to put out sex.

 

In relation to your concept about the hot iron; if the iron is taking too long to get hot enough to iron out the wrinkles -- could be short circuit or some type of malfunction. Maybe it's time to get a new one.

[peachykeen77]

You need to give more information if you want good advice. I had a friend who was in love with his girlfriend but, always unsatisfied with their sex life(missionary, lights out, pre-planned, boring). My friend was never fully content or happy with his girlfriend. Why go through life unhappy? Be her friend and let her go. ....Or, be willing to put in the work to get her jump started. It involves: speaking openly with her, figuring out if her contriceptive is causing her lack of interest sexually, asking her what really floats her boat (then doing it), and a ton of flirting while giving her space. Ask if you need details.

Good luck!

[LovelyGirl]

Given the fact that she needs to shower, it seems to me that your girlfriend doesn't feel very loved by you and is nervous that you'll judge her. You need to show her that no matter what, you want her. It doesn't matter if she's sweaty or if she is hairy and needs to shave. In the beginning, she was probably always showering and shaving. Now she's probably just nervous because she's let herself get a bit more comfortable that you're not going to leave because of no sex, and when something prevents her from doing her routine she doesn't prioritize it as much.

 

You should talk to her about it.