Ex messaged me, we had this conversation, confused

[lara1235]

Hi everyone,

 

I posted about this guy before (Can't post link but it's in my post history), but I think we just had our last conversation. I was wondering what you guys think of this. We only had this conversation because he kept trying to talk to me and finally asked 'Why can't you talk to me?"

 

Me: I just don't think that talking is healthy or helpful at this point.

 

Him: That's ok. It just feels like you want me completely out of your life which is sad. And I'd rather you tell me that because i still care about you as a person even if we had to break up.

 

Me: To me, being partially involved in each other's lives right now doesn't seem very conducive to moving on

 

Him: I'm sorry. It's very hard for me too. You just mean a lot to me so it's very hard to make a decision based on logic when i have emotions that feel slightly different. I just don't want to see another person I care about just write me off because we can't be together the way either one of us wished we could

 

Me: Maybe I can talk about it eventually but I don't think keeping an emotional connection is helpful to moving on and I'm not willing to just be placed into whichever role in your life you want me in

 

Him: That's not what I'm trying to do and I'm sorry you feel that way. I wanted to write more but words are failing me right now I respect what you are saying though. I also feel the need to apologize

 

Me: For what?

 

Him: For a lot of things. But firstly for putting a timestamp on a relationship. You never treated it that way and it was unfair to you And for all the other ways i hurt you

 

Me: I mean I also recognized this as temporary but the way you were treating me was just a poor way to treat someone in general regardless of circumstances.

 

Him: I'm sorry, for that. I wasn't the best person I could be and I definitely did not appreciate you as much as I should have. I don't want to make excuses for my actions because I know it was all my own even if it was done to avoid having my heart broken

 

Me: I’m not sure I know what you mean by that. I can understand the logic behind wanting to distance yourself from someone in certain ways to avoid getting hurt, but I don’t see how that applies to many of your actions and words.

 

Him: I should have been kinder. I self sabotage to keep others from getting close instead of distancing which hurts people. Not to mention my difficulty dealing with outside stress that i tend to channel outwards to people who care about me. For that and more i am truly sorry for all i put you through

 

Me: Okay. I don’t think it would be beneficial for me to spend more time asking you to explain things. Self-sabotaging doesn’t seem to explain all your actions. It isn’t a valid excuse, especially since I also experience a lot of stress and wouldn’t use another person, especially one who tried to treat me compassionately, as an outlet. But I don’t like holding onto resentment and I do forgive you and hope you can work on whatever you’re struggling with. It seems like you still want an emotional connection without having the parameters of a relationship which isn’t something I’m interested in right now, and I would appreciate the space to move on at this time.

 

Him: No i agree. No excuse is adequete as i stated before. I want you to be happy so I will give you your space now.

 

Would you guys just be able to tell me what you think of this conversation? I know it seems ridiculous to ask that. I'm just having a rough night since I don't think talking to him was helpful, and this made me miss him a lot. I'm torn between missing him but also thinking that the things he said were self-serving and emotionally manipulative, and I"m looking for an objective viewpoint to confirm that. I also feel kind of bad because I'm not sure if I was too harsh or I'll miss having him in my life, but it seems like he wants to keep me as an emotional support but not have to deal with a relationship.

[mhowe]

Nothing was resolved, made clearer nor fixed.

 

You guys broke up, he wants to remain friends, you don't. You asked for him to leave you alone and going forward he will.

 

He wasn't being self serving or manipulative. Many people think they can be friends after breaking up. It is simply naïve.

 

Time for both of you to get to the "moving on" stage.

[kbbcoop77]

You asked for space and he agreed. Now don't respond to him anymore and heal. The rest of the convo was pretty meaningless but normal for a last conversation. Don't dwell on it. Good luck you'll be fine it just takes time and resolve.