bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 My boyfriend always looked at my phone, never trusted me or any woman for that matter, always searched everything of mine, didn't like me going out or drinking at all. One night, my neighbor and ex comes over to talk, we don't touch eachother but I fall asleep watching tv. At the same time my bf comes banging on the door at 5am saying he was calling and texting but I had my ringer off, which wasn't normal. He comes in, finds my ex, calls me names and leaves. He wouldn't talk or listen. I freak out of control and start to hurt myself. Now he won't talk to me and I have been trying to seek help. So many factors but I need opinions. .is he done forever? I've been praying and praying. I need help and clarity. My friends say he was toxic. I love and miss him so much. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I don't understand why you didn't kick your neighbor and ex out if you are feeling tired? You went from talking to watching tv, what was the purpose of your ex coming over? Something isn't adding up right or you are leaving something out. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I don't understand why you didn't kick your neighbor and ex out if you are feeling tired? You went from talking to watching tv, what was the purpose of your ex coming over? Something isn't adding up right or you are leaving something out. we were just talking and the tv was on. I fall asleep like that all the time. we were just sitting on the couch. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 we were just talking and the tv was on. I fall asleep like that all the time. we were just sitting on the couch. Again it's 5am why is your ex still there talking to you? He's an ex for some reason correct? Even if he's just a friend, no friend stays over an ex till 5am. Is it really a coincidence that all this time you didn't realize your phone as set on silent. You really need to look outside that picture and see that things aren't adding up. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Trust me, I agree. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex in 3 months. I hate cheating, makes me sick. Never have, never will. It looked sketchy as heck. I got home at 1230 that's why he came over cuz he saw my car right when he got home as well Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Look OP, your whole story seems sketchy. You have yet to state if your ex is still a friend or not. If you haven't spoken to him for over 3 months then he can't be that good of a friend. If the two of you have some sort of unfinished business then say your words and send him packing. There's no need for the two of you to sit on the couch and watch Seinfeld or Kardashian's on tv till 5am. If you have some respect for your boyfriend I don't think you would invite and ex over for several hours. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 If my bf had his ex over til 5 am and turned his ringer off and even IF nothing happened I would still consider it a serious act of disrespect. Either way you're wrong. I agree. . something doesn't add up. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 ex and I are not friends. It was an honest mistake to allow the ex inside. The last time I saw my ex I told him I never wanted to see him again. I'm concerned about the Future. Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Whatever the circumstances...this requires immediate attention. IMMEDIATE. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I even changed my number recently so the new bf would have ease Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have been seeking out help through my church and a psychologist Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have been seeking out help through my church and a psychologist You don't need the added turmoil of this drama right now if you are freaking out & hurting yourself so just focus on the 2 things above for a while... Link to comment
bnic Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Ugh I miss him and his family so much, it hurts me. I just want to talk to him. Any thoughts on reconciliation? Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 IMO, any guy asking me for my phone to check it like a child would be a distant memory. NEVER would I live a life like that...that's NOT love. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 I guess you're right. He's 21, I'm 33. He didn't like me wearing certain clothes, having certain friends, or going out ever. That whole night was a mess. I feel worse now than when my mom died 2 years ago. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 You need to get counseling, in part to handle the hurting yourself, because that is not the way to handle life problems. And you need to also understand you were with a guy who has serious control issues and a potential for abuse in the future. Overly jealous, paranoia, suspicious of you, thinks all women are out to cheat and out to get him--these are not the traits of someone who a) should be in a relationship at all, seriously what is he thinking. If he can't "trust" anyone then he needs to get into therapy and get that fixed before he dates--not try to turn you into a prisoner in your own life and b) anyone who is emotionally sane and healthy would not act like that in the first place. If you ask me, deep down somewhere inside of you, you understood this wasn't a healthy, normal relationship and you let that ex come over knowing what would happen. Stop a moment and realize you may have just done yourself a massive favor and whether you can see it or not now in the crush of the moment, you may well have hoped subconsciously something like this would happen to get you free. Regardless, you need to keep seeing your counselor or therapist and finding healthy ways to deal with emotional turmoils and upsets. Self-harm never helps anyone and I know it's tough, but you need to step back and take a look at this with someone holding your hand to help you. You can't see the forest for the trees, but you were in a very toxic situation and you have a chance to be out of it and to fix things, so that you do not end up with anyone else that toxic. Good luck and I do hope you find your way. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 My boyfriend always looked at my phone, never trusted me or any woman for that matter, always searched everything of mine, didn't like me going out or drinking at all. My friends say he was toxic. Please get yourself some help as others have suggested. It isn't healthy for anyone to be searching your things and looking at your phone. It's also really scary that you're hurting yourself. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Please get help ASAP. I agree with your friends that the relationship sounds toxic and you deserve better than that!! you two weren't matched well. Link to comment
kalikat Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 My boyfriend always looked at my phone, never trusted me or any woman for that matter, always searched everything of mine, didn't like me going out or drinking at all. It seems like everyone is jumping on one thing here - and I don't think it is what the OP was asking. In my experiences, people that are constantly trying to catch you doing something wrong do that because they have something to hide. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 That's what I thought. he actually has a Lot of good Qualities that I desire. I'm trying to get better but it's tearing me up not seeing him. I want to get back together. Any chance of that happening in your opinion? He's stubborn. Or did I ruin my chances with my breakdown? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 That's what I thought. he actually has a Lot of good Qualities that I desire. I'm trying to get better but it's tearing me up not seeing him. I want to get back together. Any chance of that happening in your opinion? He's stubborn. Or did I ruin my chances with my breakdown? If you are this upset not seeing someone who treats you poorly, and also hurting yourself, you might really need help. Plenty of guys have good qualities but don't search your things. Please get help, for real. I don't know if there's a chance or not, but I hope he does stay away, for your sake. Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 You are 33 years old. Way too old to be playing this game no less with a 21 year old. Link to comment
Lady Amalthea Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I think you should focus on getting help for yourself before even considering the possibility of getting him back. He seems toxic, and you sound deeply troubled. Church & psychologist should be a good start. Link to comment
bnic Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Yes, I suppose that people are right when they say I shouldn't be talking to him. I'm so broken over this but I know that a mistake I made was caring more about him over myself, also put him above God. I was too focused on making him happy or not upsetting him. He had a bad relationship with his mother and so I think that trickled into our relationship as well. I'm so very sad Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Yes, I suppose that people are right when they say I shouldn't be talking to him. I'm so broken over this but I know that a mistake I made was caring more about him over myself, also put him above God. I was too focused on making him happy or not upsetting him. He had a bad relationship with his mother and so I think that trickled into our relationship as well. I'm so very sad You can be sad. Totally normal. Now...get a plan going to get YOU back. What are your plans? Life? Education? Hobbies? Friends? Link to comment
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