What is wrong with people?

[prettycutie]

How can people treat others so poorly and feel nothing, no remorse or anything? Are some people really that self-conceded and full of themselves they don't realize how their actions and words hurt others? It make me wonder if these people are so numb in that they feel absolutely nothing. Personally, I'd never hurt anyone in a relationship or in general. And if I did, I wouldn't be able to stand it or live with myself. Do hurtful people not even realize who they are? It's just really sad. To jump from relationship to relationship just screams insecurities and immaturity. Well, at least to me.

[alli]

It's kind of hard to leave a meaningful comment without knowing the context. Some people just don't have tact. They might see things in black and white and if they think they are right, they will go by whatever means necessary to make their point without considering the ramifications for their methods. Or, they might just purposefully hurt others because it makes them feel better.

[jimthzz]

Google narcissism and sociopath.

 

Some people have a personality disorder, some people are just selfish, others have no training as they grew up on how to act like a decent human being, others mirror the poor behavior of their families.

 

Not an easy, one size fits all reason.

 

What it means for you is to be a is to be a bit wary of who you let into your life. not to be paranoid, just have a developed radar about people.

[prettycutie]

It's kind of hard to leave a meaningful comment without knowing the context. Some people just don't have tact. They might see things in black and white and if they think they are right, they will go by whatever means necessary to make their point without considering the ramifications for their methods. Or, they might just purposefully hurt others because it makes them feel better.

This is just a general post of what I've been reading about and seeing lately. People just astound me in their actions and can run away as if nothing happened.

[Misskitty16]

This is just a general post of what I've been reading about and seeing lately. People just astound me in their actions and can run away as if nothing happened.

 

I know, it is very unsettling. I want to believe that people generally don't want to hurt others, but sometimes this view is challenged and I question my naivety.

[prettycutie]

Same here. It seems to be a daily trend now a days and it bothers me. I'd never do what I see these people do to others and some people keep letting them come back into their lives (which I am one of those who accepted some back. Big mistake). But it is hard to accept the fact some people are just cruel and it is something none of us want to accept. You'd think people would realize how hurt they leave someone but they don't and that's a harsh reality to accept.

[castaway91]

1. Personality disorders.

2. Home culture, as some cultures are less emotional and do not celebrate empathy.

3. Family history, such as parents who were nasty, and the kids witnessed and normalized these behaviors internally.

4. Modern society in general that shares humor in hurting others.

5. Ignorance, such as being sexist, racist, etc, against the 'other' individual.

6. Immaturity

7. Insecurities

8. Jealousy

9. Wanting to fit in with the majority, so they bully the minority in order to do so.

10. Poor social skills in general.

 

Pick one.

[ParisPaulette]

Pretty much what jimthzz said. Also, unfortunately, most of us who are not those things are not taught to watch for red flags and simply walk away and shut a person out who displays said red flags. Then we get burned, usually more than once, sometimes repeatedly until that light bulb goes on and you think, "Wait, maybe next time I should just show this one to the door BEFORE he/she screws me over royally."

 

And yeah, it took me a few years to get there, but I finally did. But it would've been so much easier if my mom and dad or teacher or even society had sent me messages of "Look, being nice is great, just don't waste that niceness on people do A,B,C,D and E. You don't have to be mean, but you don't have to let them get a toehold in your life either, move them out."

[Seraphim]

I don't think people are anymore jerky now than they were in the past. You just hear more about it because of the Internet.

[saluk]

"Personally, I'd never hurt anyone in a relationship or in general. And if I did, I wouldn't be able to stand it or live with myself."

 

I am sorry you were hurt. But this statement is wishful thinking. Most people who hurt others do so unwittingly, and many people who hurt others are actually trying not to. As an example, my ex-gf when she stopped feeling she loved me tried to change her feeling by showing me even more love than she had before. She was trying to keep things going so she wouldn't have to hurt me. But the love did not return, and she ended up hurting me worse, because my love grew as her demonstrations did.

 

Most people try to both do well for themselves and not hurt others, but quite often these two options do not align, and someone is hurt.

[prettycutie]

I really find it interesting reading all these different opinions and explanations, but they're all true. It helps to get a perspective of how I'm not alone in feeling like this. None of us are. I've been noticing this a lot more than I ever have in my life because it has all recently happened to me, so everything I've read and heard about is actually true and in action. It's kind of crazy how something you'd think would never happen to you, ends up happening.

[Seraphim]

"Personally, I'd never hurt anyone in a relationship or in general. And if I did, I wouldn't be able to stand it or live with myself."

 

I am sorry you were hurt. But this statement is wishful thinking. Most people who hurt others do so unwittingly, and many people who hurt others are actually trying not to. As an example, my ex-gf when she stopped feeling she loved me tried to change her feeling by showing me even more love than she had before. She was trying to keep things going so she wouldn't have to hurt me. But the love did not return, and she ended up hurting me worse, because my love grew as her demonstrations did.

 

Most people try to both do well for themselves and not hurt others, but quite often these two options do not align, and someone is hurt.

Exactly . Most people are not psycho but just your average Joe trying to live life . But everything is distorted when we are hurt and somehow the ex person becomes a psycho SOB.

[Seraphim]

I really find it interesting reading all these different opinions and explanations, but they're all true. It helps to get a perspective of how I'm not alone in feeling like this. None of us are. I've been noticing this a lot more than I ever have in my life because it has all recently happened to me, so everything I've read and heard about is actually true and in action. It's kind of crazy how something you'd think would never happen to you, ends up happening.

If it has recently happened to you then what people do is look for opinions and situations that justify how they feel. It is kind of like buying a Dodge van and then you look around and notice all the Dodge vans.

[prettycutie]

If it has recently happened to you then what people do is look for opinions and situations that justify how they feel. It is kind of like buying a Dodge van and then you look around and notice all the Dodge vans.

Yeah, that's actually how it's been for me lately. It's happened to me so I'm now more aware of everything and how people's actions and words can really harm others.

[Seraphim]

Yeah, that's actually how it's been for me lately. It's happened to me so I'm now more aware of everything and how people's actions and words can really harm others.

 

Just be aware that it's no more than it is before you are just more aware of it. And not everybody is a psycho in fact the percentage of people who are truly psycho is pretty low. And no one is without their damage. That just comes from living life.

[boltnrun]

My ex actually enjoys hurting people. Particularly those he claims to "love". He says horrible, mean things that he knows they are sensitive about, then leans his head back to watch them cry. Then he looks at them with contempt, turns his back on them and walks away. Hours later, he's on the phone drunk and crying about what an a-hole he is and he deserves to die, wahhhhh poor me! Then he does it again.

 

I've concluded he likes the idea that he can hurt people because it makes him feel worthwhile that someone loves him, but then he thinks they're stupid for loving him because he's such a jerk loser. I don't know if that makes sense lol! But he does it to everyone including friends and family.

 

I just stay away. Those kind of people are toxic.

 

However, those who leave a relationship because it just plain isn't working don't fall into this category imo. Sometimes two people just don't belong together and it's better to end it rather than drag it out for years.

[prettycutie]

I'm very sorry to hear about your ex. That's just a terrible thing to do to someone, friends or family. But what I've realized and have learned is we go through these toxic relationships (friends or romantic) and in the end it makes us all stronger. Idk if that sounds cheesy, but it makes sense though.

 

I recently went through a tough ending with a friend. They basically bashed me out and cursed me out, blaming me for things I never did. But in reality, they were talking about themselves but didn't have it in them to say it, so they took it out on me. It was hard to let that friend go but some aren't meant to be friends forever. Or friends in general. Also had a bad outing/ending with my ex....long story short, it was also toxic just like the friend beforehand. But I've learned once people show their true colors, maybe that was for a reason, so you won't keep getting hurt. Once they hurt you, sometimes they will keep doing it and there comes a time it needs to end for good.

[sonicfan287]

It's very hard to understand the reasoning for people.

 

While I believe people make mistakes or they don't always treat their fellow humans in a polite or respectful way (be it their love interests or friends), I believe the majority of people are basically good, or at least in the way that they define good. Some people are truly just so naive or self centered (not in a malicious way but that may just be their upbringing) that they feel the way they feel is how others feel. In other words, they may think that because they don't see a relationship ending as a big deal that other people feel the same. They may be just as confused as you are about them acting like "jerks".To them, it's not acting like a jerk, it's just them doing what they do.

 

I know that's a weird way to look at it, but that's just my take on it. By the way, Pretty, I agree with you. I could never hurt someone on a romantic level, I'm not saying it won't ever happen but I've seen too many examples of heartache and had to endure it myself and would treat the issue with such delicacy (not that it seems to matter since I'm usually the one on the dumping end) that I'd try to avoid the behaviors I've seen and at least not be so careless about it

[Willywagtail]

What I find difficult to fathom is the haters.

 

Particularly people on the internet/FB/twitter who deliberately harass or are generally vile to other people, especially people they don't know.

 

What do you guys think? Why do people behave in this way?

[boltnrun]

My personal fave are the insecure jealous girlfriends/boyfriends who plow through their SO's phones deleting all opposite sex contacts, who send texts and/or emails pretending to be their SO that say "don't ever contact me again!!!" and who fly off the handle if anyone of the opposite gender says hello to their SO, and say they have the right to do so. One example is my brother's ex, who notified him that he was not to text, email or speak to ANY female other than her. She flew off the handle when he texted me (his sister!) and when he gave instructions at work to his (female) assistant. Thank god that relationship ended. Those people are nuts. NO one has those kind of "rights" over anyone else.

[Misskitty16]

Once people lose interest in you, they generally no longer value your feelings very much. Human nature can be that way - I have done it, I think everyone has done it. Don't delude ourselves into thinking we are more saintly than we are. Very few people are malicious or want to hurt others. But people do lose interest in others and when this happens, there will be behavioral changes.