Shyness.

[SkyFire]

Shyness. Many people here consider themselves "shy". Some are even proud of it and wear the name like a badge of honor.

 

Well, what is shyness? Simply put, it is fear.

 

For all of you who are shy, stop lying to yourselves. You are not shy. You are scared. You are scared of not getting accepted, of rejection, or of being made fun of.

 

Also, please, do not be offended by this. If you want to eliminate a problem, you must first admit it.

 

Now, to the harder part. In order to get rid of fear, you must attack it head on.

 

Lets say this: Guy likes a girl. He thinks she is the best girl in the whole world. He is scared to ask her out, becasue he might get rejected and it will hurt him. So he becomes friends with her. He likes her alot, yet he is too scared that if he makes a move, because he might lose her. This process continues on and on.

 

If the guy has made a move early on, he could probably get her. Or not. But hell, you miss 100 % of shots you dont make.

 

As I said earlier, the only way to get rid of fear is to face it.

 

First of all, you must train your mind.

If ask a girl's number, the worst think happens is that you dont get the number. If the girl is a real B, you might get insulted. But hell, at least you did something. Even if you do get insulted, which is unlikely, you will always learn something new. You will be far more confident next time.

 

Now: Go to a mall. Or even at school, if you see a girl looking at you, DONT LOOK DOWN! Look her in the eye! If she keeps staring, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE! GO TALK TO HER! If she nervously glances at you, SAME EXACT THING!

 

The easiest way to start a conversation is... *drumroll*... "Hey there, my name is skyfire." Now stick your hand out for her to shake, ask for her name, and start a conversation.

 

If you see a girl checking you out at any time, go talk to her. Immideatly. However, DO NOT think of this like "OMG IF I MESS UP I WILL DIE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY". Think of it as "Oh look, there is a cute chick. She seems fun, I must talk to her". You will have even MORE sucess with this if you look good. Look for my "Improving yourself" thread in Personal Growth, it might help.

 

After your first approach, you will see that you are still alive. You will see that it is not that bad. But it is somethign you MUST do. The first one is the hardest of them all. I speak from experience.

 

If you are still unconfedent, think of something that makes you laugh. Then go approach. Your mind must be positive.

 

Or you can try something new. Go out with a friend or two, and do something crazy and make sure that everyone sees it. Start breakdancing to some cheesy music, whatever. This builds confidence really well.

 

Also, playing sports/having hobbies helps this alot too.

 

Final notes: I know men in their 50's, yes, that old, and are still scared of talking to girls. It is sad. Please, do this for yourself. Do not be in misery and regret.

 

How do I know all this? Because I lived it. Yes, I was scared of tlaking to people. I was scared of not being accepted. But I got tired of it, and changed it. Now for me it was alot harder. I had to make friends with people who were naturally confident, and observe them. And I learned from this. I am giving it to you guys easy.

 

Having the confidence to approach a random stranger is a wonderful thing man. Im serious, it is so much fun. You have been given info. Use it wisely.

 

-Skyfire

[Borashi]

A lot of your points are very well taken and I agree with almost everything you've said but consider this about shyness. Most people who are shy, are that way because they are uncomfortable with themselves, really it's all about just accepting yourself for who you are, accepting your strengths and weaknesses, and just being comfortable in your own skin. I don't think you can merely shrug shyness off as complete fear though. Behaviors are genetically inherited and can be passed down from generation to generation. For example I'm naturally "shy" or "timid". My dad happens to be the same way. I travel around to businesses all over the metro area, I'm around people all the time, but I'm still shy. This isn't because I'm afraid, I won't label it as another disorder and sell out to pharmaceutical supplements either, its just what it is. I'm introverted and very introspective, its a part of my personality that I accept.

[confuzedboy89]

thanks for the advice, it helped alot. I have to work on trying not to look away when someone's lookign at me lol .

[wlfpack81]

haha 16yr old head doctor on here. Thanks for the diagnoses doc. Nah but seriously of course you're right. Shyness is fear and I like others I'm sure do have a fear of rejection, humiliation etc. Of course being that I got made fun of a lot in K-12 that obviously has probably helped to only deepend this shyness/fear a lot more.

 

To add another pt b/c shyness is fear in some cases it can be a chemical imbalance in the brain. I use to not believe shyness could be chemical but when you think about how our brains work I can see how someone could have extreme shyness/social anxiety if the neurons in their brains aren't working correctly. I mean if you're brain is producing too many of the chemical which causes fear (can't think of the name right now) then yea you will be more likely to have shyness than compared to someone else. So in some cases (such as mine I believe) the shyness goes deeper than just a pep talk. This is the reason medication is able to work in some of these shyness cases b/c it helps balance out things going on in the mind.

[BlackSheep]

You make some very good points. It is not easy to overcome shyness, but it is worth it. I am just starting to become more outgoing and already I have made a few new friends, both male and female.

[John14087]

I've been shy for a while now and ive read tips about getting over shyness, but the thing is none of em work for me, including the tips u just mentioned.

[arrowbee]

I think if you hit the age of eighteen without overcoming your shyness, the holding-pattern starts getting harder and harder to break every year.

 

No pressure!

[Caldus]

As a person who used to be really shy all the time, I know what these other posters are saying. You can't overcome shyness overnight. Shyness takes a while to get out of. What you guys need to do is to start taking very small "risks" in social situations and work from there. Start with this: whenever you walk by someone (can be anyone), say hi to them. Then from there start doing the same with people around your age. From there you can start taking more and more "social risks" as I like to call them. Start slow and easy and work your way up. I know it's hard but you have to start somewhere. It can be something as simple as raising your hand in class to answer a question or to ask the teacher a question during class. You will find that over time you will start to feel more confident with being able to talk in front of people more. From there you will have enough confidence to start meeting people on your own. While you're doing all of this, you need to increase your confidence during your own free time. You need to work out whatever insecurities you have with yourself now and not later. Start believing in yourself more. I hope you guys got something out of this.

[SkyFire]

You can't overcome shyness overnight. Shyness takes a while to get out of.

 

 

A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.

[Caldus]

You can't overcome shyness overnight. Shyness takes a while to get out of.

 

 

A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.

 

You're right. That's why I say to start now and don't procrastinate on it.

[wlfpack81]

I used to be able to read things out in class and answer questions without getting nervous, but now I just get so scared I go red, start shaking all over and even my voice goes wobbly; sometimes it gets so bad I find my eyes watering. I don't understand why because there is nothing to be scared of! Apparently knowing this is what should stop you from being afraid if you think about it to yourself and know that it is silly to be frightened, but it certainly hasn't worked for me. Now I just get angry and annoyed at myself every time it happens because all the other uni students don't understand my problem and stare at me like I'm crazy whenever I speak in class.

 

Sheyda I get the same way when I'm nervous in situations such as public speaking, attempting to talk to a girl etc. (except the face getting red and all since my skin is too dark for that Wow thought I was the only one. I have a feeling that reactions like that are above the normal "oh it's all in your head deal." Anytime you start shaking etc. I think it could actually be something physical such as something chemically not going right in the brain. Not saying crazyness but maybe the fear receptors/neurons or whatever aren't firing in the brain quite right making someone more nervous/fearful than they should be.

[Shinobie]

YA ive been shy for awhile now myself.Actually ive been shy all my life basically.Thats good advice and thats something ive been constantly thinking about doing when i go back to school.IVe gotten a new found hope in really thinking about talking to girls and i think im prolly gonna do it but iono lol.

[SkyFire]

I disagree that it has anything to do with neurons or the brain.

 

Humans are made naturally to be social and to mate.

[wlfpack81]

I disagree that it has anything to do with neurons or the brain.

 

Humans are made naturally to be social and to mate.

 

If that's the case then why the **** can't I get over this shyness despite attempts to talk myself out of it, drink and become social? And how come medication has seemed to work in some cases for people with social phobias. I believe some cases of shyness are due to brain functions not working properly as it has been proving certain neurons in the brain control certain functions such as fear, emotions etc. etc.

[Caldus]

I think shyness has more to do with insecurities you have but that is just my opinion. People with insecurities tend to seem less confident of themselves. People who seem less confident of themselves tend to be unattractive in most peoples' eyes.

[SkyFire]

I think shyness has more to do with insecurities you have but that is just my opinion. People with insecurities tend to seem less confident of themselves. People who seem less confident of themselves tend to be unattractive in most peoples' eyes.

 

Well said. I absolutely agree.

[wlfpack81]

Good article. Thanks for posting that Sheyda.

[al7]

 

Now: Go to a mall. Or even at school, if you see a girl looking at you, DONT LOOK DOWN! Look her in the eye! If she keeps staring, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE! GO TALK TO HER! If she nervously glances at you, SAME EXACT THING!

 

The easiest way to start a conversation is... *drumroll*... "Hey there, my name is skyfire." Now stick your hand out for her to shake, ask for her name, and start a conversation.

 

If you see a girl checking you out at any time, go talk to her. Immideatly.

 

I think you got it right: we have to overcome the fear.

Though you say "Just do it". To me it sounds the same as when I was told "dont be scared" and still feel my knees shaking...

Why? Cuz we appeal to our conscious mind: do this, dont do that.....

but fear lies somewhere else...not in the conscious mind.

 

So I think we have to be trained to overcome fear. Be trained.

How? It must be cruel but it is a working method - if you dont know

how to swim and want to learn how - ask somebody to throw you in the water... You'll instantly gain tons of skills of swimming..

The same here: ask a friend of yours to make you approach girls. Somebody should force you to go and talk to girls.